Finding men who appreciate romance

Dear Miss Kitty,
Why is it so hard for men to comprehend that women need romance? Is it really so difficult to do something that SHE thinks is special, even if he doesn’t? And one more thing, if you have to ask for romance why does it diminish the effect?
Nancy, SANTA BARBARA


Dear Nancy,
Don’t know. Yes. The original expectation was never met. Now that we have the obvious quickly out of the way, let me state that it is a known fact that men who revere romance do exist. In fact the few rare souls that know the difference between scheduling a sunset and happening upon a sunset are currently being used for experimental purposes in a lab somewhere in Switzerland. I read that on the internet, so that is proof enough for me.

Although it is pleasant to have this kind of proof, it can also be highly disappointing that something exists but seems to be as hard to have as a porch light that always works. The well-beyond-scientific-fact is if isn’t in someone’s disposition to be romantic, intelligent, or (fill in your own blank here), the only option is to get over it - and fast. No one can make anyone do anything they don’t want to do - and the ACLU will take you to court for using voodoo dolls.

If romance is as foreign as concept as chocolate cherries make an ideal breakfast, you might as well give up. Without a doubt, continual expectation is the preverbal recipe for disaster. Not even a world class chef can make a decent dish when working with pork chops, horseradish, cinnamon and avocado butter –in equal proportions.

Therefore let’s modify the original Nancy Drew-like questions into: How do you not care that romance – girlie, starry-eyed, sipping-beer-from-the-same-can romance - is all but non-existent?

When we choose to stop expecting, then perhaps a surprise can be found. Sorry, but that is as good as it gets. I would love to spin a tale here and lift up Nancy where she belongs, but the truth - albeit painful - has its rewards.

The primary compensation in accepting that the R in romance is also the R in realistic, is recognizing that eventually the disappointment will lessen. So will the expectations.

That is not to take away from the fact that disappointment is certainly valid, but to understand that there are some things we are powerless to change and it is in our best interests to know when to give up. Yes, I said give up, but not in a bad way.

Darling Nancy, Boys and Girls: training a seal takes patience, love for the craft and creature and lots of treats. Training a dog takes patience, love for the craft and creature and lots of treats. Training a man takes patience, love for the craft and creature and there will never be enough treats.

Have a naughty day!