Dear Miss Kitty,
I met a woman I really like but I think she might be too good for me. I hate that I feel this way since I know I am a great guy. I don’t think of myself as in insecure wimp so why the lack of confidence when it comes to her? As a little background she is incredibly beautiful, really smart and we have a great time whenever we hang out. My friends tell me to get over it and don’t worry, so I am hoping you have an answer with a bit more depth.
Thanking you in advance,
K.R.T, SANTA BARBARA
Dear KRT,
My highest esteem goes to whoever came up with the concept that we “fall” in love. This gospel truth is not only Nobel Prize-worthy, but lives in the rarified air with the most intelligent concepts that humans have shaken down from the tree of knowledge. Gravity, relativity and that we fall when faced with the blinding magnificence of another, live side by side in smug harmony.
Our gratitude should be endless for this little gem, but alas, most of us choose to stumble along and refuse to take into account just how blind love really is. The fact that we continually ignore the obvious helpful hint does not diminish from its clear-cut call-it-like-it-is-candor. Like a pickle with pastrami on rye, love and falling just seem to go together.
The conundrum faced when taking into account the newly-found picture perfect partner is that the majority of what one is falling for is an illusion. For not only is the object of affection putting his or her best foot forward, all the romantic ideals and daydreams that we nurture come out to play. We notice what we choose to notice - as opposed to what is real. This includes all the attributes of our new interest times 10. We also make the mundane take on a starring role in the romance. For example, a lightning storm is just nature being nature, but on dates one through six, a storm becomes seriously rapturous; evoking amorous and feelings of deep and meaningful consequence.
So if there is little or no reality to the beginning of most relationships is it possible that we don’t see ourselves clearly either? Could it be that when Wonder Woman’s stock is rising, Spider Man feels a bit shakey about his own portfolio of talents? It could be so. When we place someone on a pedestal we do so at great peril to them, ourselves, and the future relationship. For once someone is up on a pedestal the only way they can see you is by looking down - on you. And why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn’t think well of themselves? If you don’t think you are good enough why should she think so? If she thinks you’re great, why do you doubt her good judgment? After all, at this point she Princess Perfect in all things! Right?
Darling KRT, Boys and Girls, the only remedy for the “she (or he) is too good for me blues” is too take stock of all the intricately good things about yourself and be as real as possible at all times. If being real blows the relationship sooner than later, to quote Martha Stewart: “It’s a good thing”. You haven’t lost anything of consequence, and you’ve kept something much more valuable: your true self respect.
Have a naughty day!
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Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
Choice and Choice
Dear Miss Kitty,
My boyfriend and I recently moved into together and it is great. I have everything I ever wanted and yet there seems to be something missing. Am I just a brat for feeling discontentment or is it a sign that maybe it isn’t as good as I think it is?
Love,N.T
Dear N,
As much as it might amuse the readers to agree that you are indeed a brat or even work with the Ouija board scenario that you’re “feeling” might be a sign of some sort, I am going to go for the gold here and introduce a new conflict for you. Could it be possible, that even though Mr. Right is Mr. Right there might be another Mr. Right out there? Maybe a Mr. Right with a better job, bigger retirement package, and a huge company car? Could we beg the questions, even though this is good, could it be even better?
I am guessing that it would shock you to know that once upon a time there was Shredded Wheat, Corn Flakes and oatmeal. And equally shocking is that we were happy. Then they made Trix, Count Chocula and Lucky Charms, we were still happy but getting a little confused. Now there are approximately 150 choices in cereal alone. Do we really need 150 different kinds of grains in a box? The amount of choice we experience on a daily basis has soared since the day Batman made his TV debut in the 60’s
The X, Y and Z generations consider so much bounty as a birth right. They weren’t born with a silver spoon in the mouth but an entire 200 piece set of flatware and the hostess set including an extra butter knife. Have all those possibilities, grown to insane proportions since the 60’s gone to our heads and rendered us lost for more than just a few words? Is it for better or worse to have so many options? If relationship contentment is based on feeling that we have made a really good choice, have all the available possibilities stripped us away from accepting that we made a good choice? In other words, oatmeal works just fine and it comes with options. Raisins and brown sugar.
Darling N, Boys and Girls, if we spend our days upgrading our phones just because we can maybe we short change ourselves in not appreciating the features we currently have. One day they will come out with Count Chocula with Trix bits just to test us. Captain Crunch will try the organic thing. Yes, there will always be more phones, more cereals, and more Mr. Rights possible. However take some time out and just sit with what you do have and you might see you have even more than you thought you did.
Have a naughty day!
My boyfriend and I recently moved into together and it is great. I have everything I ever wanted and yet there seems to be something missing. Am I just a brat for feeling discontentment or is it a sign that maybe it isn’t as good as I think it is?
Love,N.T
Dear N,
As much as it might amuse the readers to agree that you are indeed a brat or even work with the Ouija board scenario that you’re “feeling” might be a sign of some sort, I am going to go for the gold here and introduce a new conflict for you. Could it be possible, that even though Mr. Right is Mr. Right there might be another Mr. Right out there? Maybe a Mr. Right with a better job, bigger retirement package, and a huge company car? Could we beg the questions, even though this is good, could it be even better?
I am guessing that it would shock you to know that once upon a time there was Shredded Wheat, Corn Flakes and oatmeal. And equally shocking is that we were happy. Then they made Trix, Count Chocula and Lucky Charms, we were still happy but getting a little confused. Now there are approximately 150 choices in cereal alone. Do we really need 150 different kinds of grains in a box? The amount of choice we experience on a daily basis has soared since the day Batman made his TV debut in the 60’s
The X, Y and Z generations consider so much bounty as a birth right. They weren’t born with a silver spoon in the mouth but an entire 200 piece set of flatware and the hostess set including an extra butter knife. Have all those possibilities, grown to insane proportions since the 60’s gone to our heads and rendered us lost for more than just a few words? Is it for better or worse to have so many options? If relationship contentment is based on feeling that we have made a really good choice, have all the available possibilities stripped us away from accepting that we made a good choice? In other words, oatmeal works just fine and it comes with options. Raisins and brown sugar.
Darling N, Boys and Girls, if we spend our days upgrading our phones just because we can maybe we short change ourselves in not appreciating the features we currently have. One day they will come out with Count Chocula with Trix bits just to test us. Captain Crunch will try the organic thing. Yes, there will always be more phones, more cereals, and more Mr. Rights possible. However take some time out and just sit with what you do have and you might see you have even more than you thought you did.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Enjoy the ride
Dear Miss Kitty,
An ex of mine used to use Old Spice Body Wash. Crazy thing is my current BF uses it too. How can I get this particular product out of my life?
Rap, Santa Barbara
Dear Rap,
Old Spice? Are you dating your grandfather? If not follow the following dialogue and all will be well: “Crazy or not, my ex used to use the same wash you do. When I see it in the shower it reminds me of him. When I am in the shower (he will love this part) I like to think of you.” Then present a bottle of something made in this century and take a shower together to seal the deal. You will both be clean, smelling good and have washed the ex out of your hair.
Dear Miss Kitty,
I always hear these wonderful stories about chance meetings my friends had with their significant others. In line for a concert, at the grocery store, walking their dogs at the beach ... and bam ... they're a couple.? I've been single for a while now and am getting tired of the night club scene. I was at Jiffy Lube today, and while I was waiting for my oil change, a good-looking stranger sat beside me. How do you strike up a conversation with someone at such a random place as Jiffy Lube? The whole "So, do you come here often?" line doesn't really work in this situation. Where would you even begin? ??Looking for my chance encounter,
-Tess
Dear Tess,
On a stupendously sunny July day, an attractive woman was flipping through an old issue of Car and Driver while waiting for an oil change. While reading that the car of the year is the Volkswagen Polo and not the Chevy Old Spice, a good-looking stranger made his way to the seat beside her. “So, do you come here often?” she smiled. “Yes, every three thousand miles”. She laughed. Looking down at his hand she didn’t see the glint of a wedding band, so she took the plunge and asked if he would like to go next door and have a coffee while they waited for their cars. “Only if you will split a piece of chocolate cake with me”, he replied without missing a beat.
Will Jiffy Love turn into wedding bells? Or was it just a summer lube and tune? Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. It isn’t the interesting situation or lack of them – what does matter is how self confidence is applied to dating opportunities. Every situation is an opportunity waiting to happen – if you stay aware and have developed the poise, chutzpah and enough courage to break the ice. Does that mean that the hot guy in the glasses at Trader Joe’s with a basket full of frozen veggie sausage is available? No, he might very well have a small tribe of vegans waiting at home, but who cares? Making casual conversation-person to person and regardless of the outcome - is great practice for when the real opportunities drive into your life.
When we put unrealistic pressure on ourselves to never make the mistake of coming across as foolish or forward (or worse yet just wait and hope the other person takes the fearsome opening leap) we limit our dating opportunities to 1988 pickups and mopeds - when there a plenty of exciting Corvettes and BMWs waiting for a test-drive.
Darling Tess, Boys and Girls since the only fear in consorting with “the enemy” is the fear of rejection, practicing really does make perfect. And what’s the worst that can happen? Soon the old knife plunging into your heart upon hearing a “no” is just a little prick! When your perception of the opening-line situation changes from abject fear to “gee, this is fun” you will see the number of opportunities (and “yeses”) start to accelerate like a top fuel dragster. Above all, since the real thing can appear without notice, it makes sense to be well versed in being a good human and to train yourself to enjoy the ride.
Have a naughty day!
An ex of mine used to use Old Spice Body Wash. Crazy thing is my current BF uses it too. How can I get this particular product out of my life?
Rap, Santa Barbara
Dear Rap,
Old Spice? Are you dating your grandfather? If not follow the following dialogue and all will be well: “Crazy or not, my ex used to use the same wash you do. When I see it in the shower it reminds me of him. When I am in the shower (he will love this part) I like to think of you.” Then present a bottle of something made in this century and take a shower together to seal the deal. You will both be clean, smelling good and have washed the ex out of your hair.
Dear Miss Kitty,
I always hear these wonderful stories about chance meetings my friends had with their significant others. In line for a concert, at the grocery store, walking their dogs at the beach ... and bam ... they're a couple.? I've been single for a while now and am getting tired of the night club scene. I was at Jiffy Lube today, and while I was waiting for my oil change, a good-looking stranger sat beside me. How do you strike up a conversation with someone at such a random place as Jiffy Lube? The whole "So, do you come here often?" line doesn't really work in this situation. Where would you even begin? ??Looking for my chance encounter,
-Tess
Dear Tess,
On a stupendously sunny July day, an attractive woman was flipping through an old issue of Car and Driver while waiting for an oil change. While reading that the car of the year is the Volkswagen Polo and not the Chevy Old Spice, a good-looking stranger made his way to the seat beside her. “So, do you come here often?” she smiled. “Yes, every three thousand miles”. She laughed. Looking down at his hand she didn’t see the glint of a wedding band, so she took the plunge and asked if he would like to go next door and have a coffee while they waited for their cars. “Only if you will split a piece of chocolate cake with me”, he replied without missing a beat.
Will Jiffy Love turn into wedding bells? Or was it just a summer lube and tune? Truth be told, it doesn’t matter. It isn’t the interesting situation or lack of them – what does matter is how self confidence is applied to dating opportunities. Every situation is an opportunity waiting to happen – if you stay aware and have developed the poise, chutzpah and enough courage to break the ice. Does that mean that the hot guy in the glasses at Trader Joe’s with a basket full of frozen veggie sausage is available? No, he might very well have a small tribe of vegans waiting at home, but who cares? Making casual conversation-person to person and regardless of the outcome - is great practice for when the real opportunities drive into your life.
When we put unrealistic pressure on ourselves to never make the mistake of coming across as foolish or forward (or worse yet just wait and hope the other person takes the fearsome opening leap) we limit our dating opportunities to 1988 pickups and mopeds - when there a plenty of exciting Corvettes and BMWs waiting for a test-drive.
Darling Tess, Boys and Girls since the only fear in consorting with “the enemy” is the fear of rejection, practicing really does make perfect. And what’s the worst that can happen? Soon the old knife plunging into your heart upon hearing a “no” is just a little prick! When your perception of the opening-line situation changes from abject fear to “gee, this is fun” you will see the number of opportunities (and “yeses”) start to accelerate like a top fuel dragster. Above all, since the real thing can appear without notice, it makes sense to be well versed in being a good human and to train yourself to enjoy the ride.
Have a naughty day!
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