Hard to pin down

Dear Miss Kitty,
I met a woman I really like but I think she might be too good for me. I hate that I feel this way since I know I am a great guy. I don’t think of myself as in insecure wimp so why the lack of confidence when it comes to her? As a little background she is incredibly beautiful, really smart and we have a great time whenever we hang out. My friends tell me to get over it and don’t worry, so I am hoping you have an answer with a bit more depth.
Thanking you in advance,
K.R.T, SANTA BARBARA

Dear KRT,
My highest esteem goes to whoever came up with the concept that we “fall” in love. This gospel truth is not only Nobel Prize-worthy, but lives in the rarified air with the most intelligent concepts that humans have shaken down from the tree of knowledge. Gravity, relativity and that we fall when faced with the blinding magnificence of another, live side by side in smug harmony.

Our gratitude should be endless for this little gem, but alas, most of us choose to stumble along and refuse to take into account just how blind love really is. The fact that we continually ignore the obvious helpful hint does not diminish from its clear-cut call-it-like-it-is-candor. Like a pickle with pastrami on rye, love and falling just seem to go together.

The conundrum faced when taking into account the newly-found picture perfect partner is that the majority of what one is falling for is an illusion. For not only is the object of affection putting his or her best foot forward, all the romantic ideals and daydreams that we nurture come out to play. We notice what we choose to notice - as opposed to what is real. This includes all the attributes of our new interest times 10. We also make the mundane take on a starring role in the romance. For example, a lightning storm is just nature being nature, but on dates one through six, a storm becomes seriously rapturous; evoking amorous and feelings of deep and meaningful consequence.

So if there is little or no reality to the beginning of most relationships is it possible that we don’t see ourselves clearly either? Could it be that when Wonder Woman’s stock is rising, Spider Man feels a bit shakey about his own portfolio of talents? It could be so. When we place someone on a pedestal we do so at great peril to them, ourselves, and the future relationship. For once someone is up on a pedestal the only way they can see you is by looking down - on you. And why would anyone want to be with someone that doesn’t think well of themselves? If you don’t think you are good enough why should she think so? If she thinks you’re great, why do you doubt her good judgment? After all, at this point she Princess Perfect in all things! Right?

Darling KRT, Boys and Girls, the only remedy for the “she (or he) is too good for me blues” is too take stock of all the intricately good things about yourself and be as real as possible at all times. If being real blows the relationship sooner than later, to quote Martha Stewart: “It’s a good thing”. You haven’t lost anything of consequence, and you’ve kept something much more valuable: your true self respect.

Have a naughty day!