Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been going out with my BF for 11 months. We have a great relationship, talk about the future and he acts like he loves me, but he has never said the magic words. He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and all I really want is for him to say, “I love you.” Is this setting myself up or being true to myself?
Waiting under the Mistletoe
Dear Waiting:
When Christmas morning rolls around wouldn’t be amazing, if under the fragrant tree, there was a pile of beautifully wrapped, empty boxes. Silky ribbons lavishly tied around them, they contain the invisible, but vitally important presents that really matter to us. Detailed instructions included of course, to make sure we understand both the value and the implied messages that are inherent in such precious gifts. We un-wrap them in wonder, to discover the tangible manifestations of what we need - alongside the harder-to-pin-down aspects of ethereal wants.
Put “truth”, that most magnificent of all treasures right on the top of the pile, with all the tricky little accessories that come with it. The multitude of small parts that are so easy to lose, but necessary if the complex gift is going to work at full, honest capacity. If you are giving this priceless gift, you will need to purchase a guarantee for this one - and make sure it is a lifetime guarantee which covers parts and labor. Lots of labor, for it is a labor of love to maintain this valuable bequest, and keep track of those tiny little pieces that don’t always seem important until you find one of them missing.
The next box, wrapped up in silver paper with a deep blue velvet bow, just screaming, “Open me first!” is “Time”. The simple pleasure of more than a moment and less than a lifetime; the freeing satisfaction of having someone else do something special, just for you. When Miss K was a mere credit card-less kitten, scribbling away making homemade coupons for cups of tea and car washes, she never knew the value of what she was giving away. Now a grown up and perpetually busy cat, the idea of truly free time – time that is all yours - is on par with zero calorie cinnamon rolls. It’s always treasured to give of yourself, even if your tea-making skills would get you fired at the local Starbucks.
Wrapped in the most exquisite, but difficult to open box, “I love you” is the ultimate gift of no return and no exchange. You are not only giving of yourself, but making a commitment of never-ending work. And this is the best sort of work – a true labor of love. The Lego castle of love has endless pieces, instructions that are sometimes indecipherable and pending revision on most days, and when the castle gets stepped on by life, you have to put in the time and energy to put it back together again. When combined with the gift of truth and an unwavering commitment, sometimes the rebuild is even better and stronger than the original.
So darling Boys, Girls and Waiting, when shopping this holiday season, think about what your giving, not what your getting and head to the mall of the ultimate gifts - where price is no object and the payment plans are always reasonable. You can wrap up some truth, throw in some time and know that your gift is not only as good as it gets, but the recipient will think it is even more precious and treasured than you could have ever imagined.
Have a naughty holiday!
Profile
Friday, December 21, 2007
Friday, December 14, 2007
Missing Trees and Holiday Spirit
When Miss K was a mere kitten, at this time of year Christmas trees were everywhere. In fact, State Street during Christmas smelled like one big can of Wizard Evergreen air freshener. This year, try as I might, there is little pine scented air to be whiffed; as it seems the tree lots are now as scarce as mistletoe in The Raiders locker room.
In the absence of a real-McCoy pine tree, is the unmistakable and NOT memory evocable, scent of fake, plastic, undying and never lived, “tree”-in–a-box. For $59.95 holiday fake-tree can be set up in minutes, with lights already strung (perfectly, as if Chinese engineers had carefully measured their exact relative position) and bendable wire branches ready for the Martha Stewart set of antique vintage made-last-month-in-China-decorations (perfectly coordinated to go with Martha’s made-in-China-last-month guest towels in the bathroom). Is there anything so obviously inferior to the real thing as this sad and sorry imitation of an icon of Holiday expression?
Did you know that late in the Middle Ages, Germans and Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to show their hope in the forthcoming spring? Our modern Christmas tree evolved from these early traditions and the Christmas tree market was born in 1851 when Catskill farmer Mark Carr hauled two ox sleds of evergreens into New York City and sold them all.
By 1900, one in five American families had a Christmas tree, and 20 years later, the custom was nearly universal, until the relatively recent arrival of trees-in-box. Just like its cousin, wine-in-a-box, the fake trees will never be able to really compete with the original. The guilty feeling that is isn’t quite right - and is a bit of cheating- overwhelms the ease and convenience (not to mention the missing out on the ever-popular annual lashing of the tree to the car roof top antics).
Like a burnt out Rudolph, now lost in the dark, is the slow demise of the Christmas Tree- the free squirrel jungle gym, the Hilton for the birds and a long standing tradition dating back centuries, that bit of out-doors brought inside for so many reasons, a sign? Does it point to how much of our lives are less than real in exchange for convenience or lack of thinking through, just why we need our rituals? In a world where we can see as much plastic walking around as there is in an Toys are Us store, just how much deluding is really gone on after all?
Regardless of what propaganda Camp Jaded is spouting this holiday season, real is always better. It can take some thought to sort through and find the real sometimes. The Grinch platform espouses that there shouldn’t be an expected time of year to give gifts. “We are being told by consumerism to do so, therefore it isn’t real”. Baa Humbug! Gift giving is a beautiful thing. Just like your mommy told you: the joy really does belong to the giver - and if there is a time of year that we need to get in touch with that joy, at least we can give Permission to ourselves to do so at this special time of year, and that makes it real.
Rituals are a necessary and lovely part of being human. It is never trite and empty to acknowledge what makes us feel good. Maybe the most beautiful part of traditions is they remind us of our personal history and give us hope and comfort when we need it. Maybe when lives are changing as fast as a kid tearing though wrapping paper, we need the clock to slow down enough to let us see that some things, even if they have changed, for better or for worse, have an element of sameness. Some things will always be, even if the form changes through the years.
Like an old and much loved Christmas Angel, with broken wings, dog bite marks and patchy glitter, gazing down from the top of a real tree, finding the real and poignant reasons that we celebrate this season the way we do, is well worth the work and cost. “Truly priceless” is as overused an expression as “I love you”, but when you take the time and sit with your holiday rituals, you can remember what is real, for you, and then it all makes sense.
Have a naughty day!
In the absence of a real-McCoy pine tree, is the unmistakable and NOT memory evocable, scent of fake, plastic, undying and never lived, “tree”-in–a-box. For $59.95 holiday fake-tree can be set up in minutes, with lights already strung (perfectly, as if Chinese engineers had carefully measured their exact relative position) and bendable wire branches ready for the Martha Stewart set of antique vintage made-last-month-in-China-decorations (perfectly coordinated to go with Martha’s made-in-China-last-month guest towels in the bathroom). Is there anything so obviously inferior to the real thing as this sad and sorry imitation of an icon of Holiday expression?
Did you know that late in the Middle Ages, Germans and Scandinavians placed evergreen trees inside their homes or just outside their doors to show their hope in the forthcoming spring? Our modern Christmas tree evolved from these early traditions and the Christmas tree market was born in 1851 when Catskill farmer Mark Carr hauled two ox sleds of evergreens into New York City and sold them all.
By 1900, one in five American families had a Christmas tree, and 20 years later, the custom was nearly universal, until the relatively recent arrival of trees-in-box. Just like its cousin, wine-in-a-box, the fake trees will never be able to really compete with the original. The guilty feeling that is isn’t quite right - and is a bit of cheating- overwhelms the ease and convenience (not to mention the missing out on the ever-popular annual lashing of the tree to the car roof top antics).
Like a burnt out Rudolph, now lost in the dark, is the slow demise of the Christmas Tree- the free squirrel jungle gym, the Hilton for the birds and a long standing tradition dating back centuries, that bit of out-doors brought inside for so many reasons, a sign? Does it point to how much of our lives are less than real in exchange for convenience or lack of thinking through, just why we need our rituals? In a world where we can see as much plastic walking around as there is in an Toys are Us store, just how much deluding is really gone on after all?
Regardless of what propaganda Camp Jaded is spouting this holiday season, real is always better. It can take some thought to sort through and find the real sometimes. The Grinch platform espouses that there shouldn’t be an expected time of year to give gifts. “We are being told by consumerism to do so, therefore it isn’t real”. Baa Humbug! Gift giving is a beautiful thing. Just like your mommy told you: the joy really does belong to the giver - and if there is a time of year that we need to get in touch with that joy, at least we can give Permission to ourselves to do so at this special time of year, and that makes it real.
Rituals are a necessary and lovely part of being human. It is never trite and empty to acknowledge what makes us feel good. Maybe the most beautiful part of traditions is they remind us of our personal history and give us hope and comfort when we need it. Maybe when lives are changing as fast as a kid tearing though wrapping paper, we need the clock to slow down enough to let us see that some things, even if they have changed, for better or for worse, have an element of sameness. Some things will always be, even if the form changes through the years.
Like an old and much loved Christmas Angel, with broken wings, dog bite marks and patchy glitter, gazing down from the top of a real tree, finding the real and poignant reasons that we celebrate this season the way we do, is well worth the work and cost. “Truly priceless” is as overused an expression as “I love you”, but when you take the time and sit with your holiday rituals, you can remember what is real, for you, and then it all makes sense.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, December 7, 2007
The Story Continues
When the cake is all but a sweet memory and life has settled back into the normal day to day, is it any wonder that there is a strange sense of disconnectedness of the reality of making one of the biggest of life changes. Sometimes if it were not for the pictures one would wonder if it had all been a dream.
When leaving such a high level of romantic emotion, there is inevitably a backlash. As hard as it is for a 4 year old to graciously leave Disneyland, it hard to come down from the awesome heights of a wedding, a magnificent moment of un-rivaled spiritual passion, or the date of a lifetime.
Whether one gently floats back to down the earth or falls without ceremony, hard and fast back in to reality, the lessons learned must be the real memory stick in which to revisit the most recent and glorious past, and bring it, with a more subtle level of intensity into the every day.
The edges of the promises made should not dull and blur with the passing of time, but remain as sharp and clear as the metal that now encircles your finger. Regardless of the veil of newness, the promises made are now put into practice as never before and will be there to test not only your love, but whom you are as person. Along side all the partnerships that now exist within your newly created relationship, is the ultimate key to unlocking and setting free anything that still echoes from the past and has the power to bring you tumbling down again and again.
Love does not lift you up to where you belong; it is the vehicle for your values and integrity to shine on the best possible path, along side your beloved for as long as you can.
As promised Dear Boys and Girls, here are the pictures from the wedding…so now you may refer to us as Mrs. Rocketman and Mr. Kitty.
Have a naughty day!
When leaving such a high level of romantic emotion, there is inevitably a backlash. As hard as it is for a 4 year old to graciously leave Disneyland, it hard to come down from the awesome heights of a wedding, a magnificent moment of un-rivaled spiritual passion, or the date of a lifetime.
Whether one gently floats back to down the earth or falls without ceremony, hard and fast back in to reality, the lessons learned must be the real memory stick in which to revisit the most recent and glorious past, and bring it, with a more subtle level of intensity into the every day.
The edges of the promises made should not dull and blur with the passing of time, but remain as sharp and clear as the metal that now encircles your finger. Regardless of the veil of newness, the promises made are now put into practice as never before and will be there to test not only your love, but whom you are as person. Along side all the partnerships that now exist within your newly created relationship, is the ultimate key to unlocking and setting free anything that still echoes from the past and has the power to bring you tumbling down again and again.
Love does not lift you up to where you belong; it is the vehicle for your values and integrity to shine on the best possible path, along side your beloved for as long as you can.
As promised Dear Boys and Girls, here are the pictures from the wedding…so now you may refer to us as Mrs. Rocketman and Mr. Kitty.
Have a naughty day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)