When the last day is finally here, the very last day, it will not be the houses, the cars and the careers that we carry into that final moment. It will not be the lavish lifestyles or the trials and tribulations that we have borne, that usher us through to the next experience. Our relationships and what they have meant to us are the gems that will shine forth and lead us on. These stones, with a million or more facets are also what will be left for others to reflect upon, as they are pearls of wisdom we share with those we love and sometimes those we do not even know.
Kissing frogs is part of life and, hopefully, when we are done, we have something beautiful to show for all that hard work. Therefore, frogs are not good or bad, they are just what they are. It is how we handle each experience that allows us to add another pearl onto the string of life rather than hide it away in the dark of a drawer. As much as a parent, or a great friend, would like to learn the lessons for us, we must all go into the diamond mines and learn it the old fashioned way; sometimes in the dark with little light to guide us, and sometimes in a dangerous and scary place with no light at all. Sometimes we even have to stay in the mines for years and be grateful to just get through each day.
When the lessons are learned we increase our awareness of the beauty in learning lessons and can finally relish, like puppies rolling in a daisy field, where each experience will take us next. We can be grateful for all we have gone through to make us who we are. When looking back, we can acknowledge even the mines without the pain or suffering that once was.
A natural pearl is created by an irritant finding its way into an oyster. The future aphrodisiac then secretes a substance called nacre, which slowly coats the irritant until a translucent pearl is born. A 6mm pearl can take 10 years to grow and much longer to become a 7-8mm beauty; the time needed increases exponentially while the chances of harming its beauty also increase. Is it not the same for us? Is it not worth the risk?
Time spent, even in a so called failed relationship, is not wasted. It was a necessary component to make us stronger, beautiful and even more valuable. So Darling Boys and Girls do not fret over what was, because carbon is as carbon does, and a good pearl necklace is always in fashion.
Dear Miss Kitty:
I have visited your wonderful store in Santa Barbara several times alone to purchase lingerie for my wife’s (and my) enjoyment. While shopping, I have noticed couples going into the dressing rooms together to try on outfits. I have asked my wife to visit Purrmission with me for a modeling session (as this looks like fun) but she is too embarrassed. How can I help her to get over her shyness?
Henry from Summerland
Dear Henry,
I believe that exploration for couples is a healthy and necessary component of a good relationship. You have the best of both worlds- the comfort in knowing each other for some time and the ability to inject new experiences whenever you wish to keep it fresh and exciting. So I wonder, is she comfortable in your own space wearing sweet nothings? Does she feel confident in her own skin or does she just like getting “ready” in private? I think the titillation of being in a woman’s dressing room is rather erotic for many men and part of the fun. Of course, you can have 15 minutes before I
Knock discreetly. Test the waters with some questions first, for respecting your love’s wishes is always the first thing to put on.
Have a naughty Memorial Day and you may now wear white!
Profile
Friday, May 25, 2007
Friday, May 11, 2007
To Have, Have not and Having it all
Pick any beach early in the morning, when the sweet beige sand is as unblemished as a prom queen’s face, and you’ll discover the hunter of lost paraphernalia. Using a not-so-magic wand to glimpse below the sandy surface, just about anything that is found becomes a treasure. But do the trinkets and coins revealed have value because they were lost or because they were found?
Value, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. We can mourn the loss of what never was or what we perceive we have lost: time, money or the too-often cast-to-the-winds sense of self. But perhaps what we never had, or thought we lost, happened for a reason - because something far better was waiting in the wings and we wouldn’t have found it without our life lessons, as tough as they may have been.
Part of our culture’s “dumbing down” of relationships is the lowering of expectations based on the premise that boys will be boys, and for that matter, girls will be girls. When looking at ourselves it is easy to fall into stereotypical rationalizations, and try to justify our discomforts by accepting behaviors we don’t really like. Over and over and over again. We can only change ourselves, in action or perception, and continually strive to “get it” – and no longer be willing to dismiss anything less than what we really desire and deserve.
But what happens when the bar is set higher than Marilyn Monroe offering you a magnum of Dom Perignon at the beginning of a three day weekend? There is no way to limbo under this level of grand design, and why would we ever want to?
In the uncharted distance, in a misty and often forgotten part of our minds, a human of un-paralleled perfection lingers. Always knowing they are there, we wait for the roulette wheel to turn though all that must be: the good, the bad and the ugly – always hoping it will stop in that perfect place. Sometimes we can feel that special spirit whispering in our ears, even when making all the wrong choices. Do we still have to make all the wrong choices to be able to know the right ones? It would appear so.
True love is never for sale. Time is too high a price, and cheap words from empty souls are visions that can’t hold their form in the light of a wise and authentic man or woman. Smoky fires can’t burn out-of-control in our hearts for long when the peace of a higher presence gently and repeatedly settles down the flames. Wouldn’t it be nice to rest by a fire, warm as never before, and take comfort in the thought that the right one will come along when we have done our work? Sometimes leaving the past is better than the staying ever was and the priceless knowledge of what we are really worth can finally emerge.
Boys and Girls, do you remember back in February there was a contest? Miss Kitty was looking for the answer to “Why do people cheat?’ and went on a date with the winner. Well my darling readers, truth is stranger than fiction, so it is time to share something else with you…
Rocket Man, you are as true love embodied. You are the palace in which I will dwell until the end of my time. You have found me as whole as I was the day I was born; complete with all the pathos of a life lived to learn, and now to love you. So, yes Rocket Man, I will marry you.
Miss Kitty
Value, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. We can mourn the loss of what never was or what we perceive we have lost: time, money or the too-often cast-to-the-winds sense of self. But perhaps what we never had, or thought we lost, happened for a reason - because something far better was waiting in the wings and we wouldn’t have found it without our life lessons, as tough as they may have been.
Part of our culture’s “dumbing down” of relationships is the lowering of expectations based on the premise that boys will be boys, and for that matter, girls will be girls. When looking at ourselves it is easy to fall into stereotypical rationalizations, and try to justify our discomforts by accepting behaviors we don’t really like. Over and over and over again. We can only change ourselves, in action or perception, and continually strive to “get it” – and no longer be willing to dismiss anything less than what we really desire and deserve.
But what happens when the bar is set higher than Marilyn Monroe offering you a magnum of Dom Perignon at the beginning of a three day weekend? There is no way to limbo under this level of grand design, and why would we ever want to?
In the uncharted distance, in a misty and often forgotten part of our minds, a human of un-paralleled perfection lingers. Always knowing they are there, we wait for the roulette wheel to turn though all that must be: the good, the bad and the ugly – always hoping it will stop in that perfect place. Sometimes we can feel that special spirit whispering in our ears, even when making all the wrong choices. Do we still have to make all the wrong choices to be able to know the right ones? It would appear so.
True love is never for sale. Time is too high a price, and cheap words from empty souls are visions that can’t hold their form in the light of a wise and authentic man or woman. Smoky fires can’t burn out-of-control in our hearts for long when the peace of a higher presence gently and repeatedly settles down the flames. Wouldn’t it be nice to rest by a fire, warm as never before, and take comfort in the thought that the right one will come along when we have done our work? Sometimes leaving the past is better than the staying ever was and the priceless knowledge of what we are really worth can finally emerge.
Boys and Girls, do you remember back in February there was a contest? Miss Kitty was looking for the answer to “Why do people cheat?’ and went on a date with the winner. Well my darling readers, truth is stranger than fiction, so it is time to share something else with you…
Rocket Man, you are as true love embodied. You are the palace in which I will dwell until the end of my time. You have found me as whole as I was the day I was born; complete with all the pathos of a life lived to learn, and now to love you. So, yes Rocket Man, I will marry you.
Miss Kitty
Friday, May 4, 2007
Polishing Silver while Waiting in the Dark.
All too often we live our lives picnicking in the graveyard of past relationships. We visit the newly interred as well as those where the headstone is barely legible; worn by the weather of time. We revisit the heaven, the hell and sometimes even the earthly land in between. We scrutinize our experiences of trial and error, while feeling as dark as a basic black cocktail dress.
These experiences, for better or for worse, all have their place. We are real- life museums of all that we have lived. Each experience is in a glass case, under dim light, which we can view anytime. But, just like an exhibit in a real museum, our antics are frozen in time and there is a limit to what we can continue to learn. To look back, and appreciate the lessons, is the best we can do.
Experience has value as it is happening, and for a time after, but once we are in the arms of someone new, maybe we are better off letting ghosts lie undisturbed? Some lessons of the past we implement productively and make better and better choices because of them. But sometimes, the feelings that are generated with a new situation are old and musty habits, which we allow to cloud our new reality. We are much better served living in the now, without any of the ties that bind us to a person we no longer are.
Taste buds change, and cells renew daily, so maybe we are better off not using all of the past to guide us in the now. If we let the now rule then we can make the most conscious choices, whether we are looking for a life partner or working through the first hiccup that comes in a new relationship. When we have found a relationship of value, there will be a first moment when the relationship passes the Teflon stage and something will get sticky. This is the crucial moment to check in and see if there is strong steel under that Teflon coating; or rust, just waiting to corrode things on a rainy day.
Boys and Girls, the Teflon check is really about how the fallout is handled after the inevitable moment of truth. Perfection is a myth, but a perfect relationship is possible, because when we realize that we are looking not for a perfect person, but the perfect person for us, we can breathe easily, embrace someone with all their human frailties and still love them. No cutting around the edges to make them fit, no sanding off rough spots, no sugar coating needed.
When we polish up ourselves for the wrong person we don’t always realize the true cost involved in remaining so brilliant- endless maintenance with no end in sight, for they must always have that mirror-like finish so they can see their reflection at all times. They demand in so many ways that we maintain this illusion for them, for without our constant “improvement” they are lost, and so are we.
The right person loves us for the patina that we have naturally acquired through our experiences, and when we are with the right one, the shine is there, effortlessly. It is not maintained by our grueling efforts to be pleasing at all costs, to be the perfect partner to skate on the thin ice of being “Good enough”. The patina of love is a translucent effervescence, soul-dancing, heart-lifting and beautifully subtle. It is comparable to the soft glow on a lover's face when they can look out into the future and, without a doubt, know it is the safest place they could have ever imagined. Part of feeling safe is speaking your truth - whatever it is - and watching it reflected back in the actions of another.
Have a naughty day!
These experiences, for better or for worse, all have their place. We are real- life museums of all that we have lived. Each experience is in a glass case, under dim light, which we can view anytime. But, just like an exhibit in a real museum, our antics are frozen in time and there is a limit to what we can continue to learn. To look back, and appreciate the lessons, is the best we can do.
Experience has value as it is happening, and for a time after, but once we are in the arms of someone new, maybe we are better off letting ghosts lie undisturbed? Some lessons of the past we implement productively and make better and better choices because of them. But sometimes, the feelings that are generated with a new situation are old and musty habits, which we allow to cloud our new reality. We are much better served living in the now, without any of the ties that bind us to a person we no longer are.
Taste buds change, and cells renew daily, so maybe we are better off not using all of the past to guide us in the now. If we let the now rule then we can make the most conscious choices, whether we are looking for a life partner or working through the first hiccup that comes in a new relationship. When we have found a relationship of value, there will be a first moment when the relationship passes the Teflon stage and something will get sticky. This is the crucial moment to check in and see if there is strong steel under that Teflon coating; or rust, just waiting to corrode things on a rainy day.
Boys and Girls, the Teflon check is really about how the fallout is handled after the inevitable moment of truth. Perfection is a myth, but a perfect relationship is possible, because when we realize that we are looking not for a perfect person, but the perfect person for us, we can breathe easily, embrace someone with all their human frailties and still love them. No cutting around the edges to make them fit, no sanding off rough spots, no sugar coating needed.
When we polish up ourselves for the wrong person we don’t always realize the true cost involved in remaining so brilliant- endless maintenance with no end in sight, for they must always have that mirror-like finish so they can see their reflection at all times. They demand in so many ways that we maintain this illusion for them, for without our constant “improvement” they are lost, and so are we.
The right person loves us for the patina that we have naturally acquired through our experiences, and when we are with the right one, the shine is there, effortlessly. It is not maintained by our grueling efforts to be pleasing at all costs, to be the perfect partner to skate on the thin ice of being “Good enough”. The patina of love is a translucent effervescence, soul-dancing, heart-lifting and beautifully subtle. It is comparable to the soft glow on a lover's face when they can look out into the future and, without a doubt, know it is the safest place they could have ever imagined. Part of feeling safe is speaking your truth - whatever it is - and watching it reflected back in the actions of another.
Have a naughty day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)