Leave me alone

Dear Miss Kitty,
I broke up with this guy and he is making it very difficult. He shows up at mutual friends events and then won’t leave me alone. I don’t want to give up MY friends and my life but he doesn’t seem to understand the word no. Any ideas?
Getting Desperate, SANTA BARBARA

Dear Desperate:
If we were cousins in Little Italy I would suggest a quick and easy-to-delete text message to Uncle Vinnie requesting “Da Shoes”, but unfortunately we are far removed from such an elementary, but efficient solution. Equally unfortunate is the fact that your ex doesn’t realize he is an ex and doesn’t have the emotional maturity to accept that “over” means immediately over. There is probably nothing more final then a women giving a man the old, “It IS you, not me and we are done.” But if he didn’t hear the clod of dirt fall on the coffin yet, he isn’t going to anytime soon.

So after taking the necessary shots of courage and tequila and going to the trouble to honestly shoot a relationship down, why is it that some people just won’t accept that dead means dead? If the relationship was worth terminating for one, wasn’t it “turn out the lights, the party’s over” for everyone? Why would someone want to stay with someone who doesn’t want them? How could someone not realize that someone would never want to be with someone that wants to be with someone that doesn’t want them! Although that truism is way too long to be a tattoo (on most people), it is worth reading over a few times until you get it. Really.

Darling Desperate, Boys and Girls, I am going to venture a guess that this response won’t be popular – however, the only way to speed the closure (short of a threatening call from Uncle Vinnie) is to avoid the conflict completely. Even, if that means taking a break from socializing for the time being with your mutual friends. The “gentleman” in question does not seem to be someone that is willing, under the circumstances to respect your boundaries anytime soon. While it seems very unfair for you to be the one that has to (temporarily) change your life, ultimately your absence may be the only way for him to move on.

By treating him as though he is an extinct dinosaur, and that means no contact of any kind, he may then become your past instead of your present. Once again, since we cannot control other people our only option, is to modify our own behavior. Not always fun or fair, but always the path of least resistance.

Have a naughty day!