Dear Miss Kitty,
I am getting married in a few weeks and there is a lot on my mind. Besides all the usual wedding details, I am thinking about all the changes that we have been discussing and what more is too come. At what point should we just give it a rest and let what will be….be?
Love,
Something old, something new, something borrowed and need help from you!!!!
Dear Something,
The venerable grape, the esteemed and sacred fruit. “Peel me a grape” conjures up glorious renaissance canvases bedecked with naked nymphs and serious sirens, tempting their wiles; decadence abounding among the hanging bunches. The glorious little morsel is a master of versatility. Hot and sweaty in the dirty hands of a toddler, each little juicy promise waiting to be popped into cupid like lips. Or provider of the naked juice, honed into noble nectar, the toast of many a festive gathering or intimate moment for two.
The versatile grape has another, much different form - the humble and ripened raisin. Devoid of the great publicity it’s younger, juicier form has enjoyed, the simple but sweet morsel is the picked upon alter ego, the shy little sister, that can blossom forth and add zest when given half a chance.
Rarely do you hear someone rhapsodize over a profusion of raisins in a cookie. More than likely, the cookie-maker just couldn’t find any chocolate chips! Are some relationships like raisins, something that you have to really work at to include on the menu?
Like the grape’s time-worn and sunburned cousin, can our relationships become important only at certain times and in certain dishes, and overlooked and under appreciated the rest of the year? Are our partners like raisins - something we value only because it doesn’t spoil easily, isn’t sour, and is easy to pack away and eat when there’s nothing more exciting available?
“Raisin Times”, isn’t a retirement home for old Thompson seedless or a gourmet newspaper for toddlers - it is the time when a relationship matures into the analytical and tangible aspects of living life with another human being. It is when housing, the stuff, children, and all the ways of life are re-defined, planned, agreed upon and take new directions in order for the relationship, and both people in it, to evolve and grow into a new, improved whole.
We know that there will come a time when we choose to leave some of the comforts and freedom of being a solo act, in order to attain a higher bond with another. This chosen change brings about more than just joy and interest in the future. It naturally brings about many questions and aspects of both the known and unknown. There are concrete conclusions to be found along with ethereal and unfound, as yet possibilities.
Great potential or rich reward is never without more than a glimmer of trepidation, and planning is always part of the process. The mindful, gather information like fruit and spread it out for all to review. The best fruit is kept and the squishy ones, thrown away. There may be some feelings left for the squishy and not so perfect, the bruised but still good one side, but over all, letting some things go, for the good of the harvest as a whole, does not come about on it’s own. If the relationship has a capable and willing team of gardeners, that have planted carefully, they will reap the best harvest possible and if there is more work to do, they can always go back to the basics and start over again. There is always a season for planting something good.
Darling Boys and Girls, what grapes and raisins have in common is more than what they have as differences, since they both grow in bunches and you can’t buy a single raisin or a grape! It is what we have in common, that keeps us together, and therefore is always more important than our differences.
Have a naughty day!
Profile
Friday, June 29, 2007
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Dog House Flowers and The Scribbler
Dear Miss Kitty,
Help! My GF just broke up with me and gave me no specific reason why. I have sent flowers and text messages, and she is not responding to anything. All I know is she thought I was somewhat controlling, which I don’t think I am. What can I do to get her back?
Out of ideas but not love
Dear Out -
Super heroes are part of our culture; tortured souls that save the day to save themselves. Obviously, being super doesn’t always work. We don’t see Batman, throwing in the Bat Towel or Spider Man figuring out that a web of deception can tangle you up tighter than a spandex suit in August. They fight the same heroic fight over and over again and never look beyond the poison lipstick right in front of their eyes - even when the same poison was used in a different shade just last week.
When the writing is on the wall, it might as well be written in invisible ink. Even if we choose to decipher some of what we see, we don’t want to believe that our beloved is slipping or charging off into the sunset without us. It is easier to believe that the relatively unknown, but thoroughly evil arch villain, The Scribbler, has been secretly leaving the messages for us.
Trying to decipher cryptic codes, the complex graffiti of love gone South, or the unmistakable scent of “I am done,” (also known as the obscure Channel fragrance Number 86), is painful and frustrating! Just where did it all go wrong? There is rarely one particular moment where it “all went wrong”. There are many moments that, when added up, lead to destination: Return to Sender - with neon lights flashing and signage all along the way.
The one step forward, two steps back method is better left to the Cha Cha Cha, then a relationship. Miss Kitty has never thought much of relationships that are on and off again more times than late night re-runs of Superman. Tension and angst are signs unto themselves, even if a partner doesn’t choose to speak up when things are rocky or when you think all systems are go.
Holy crazy communication concept Batman! Superheroes and super villains don’t seem to realize the value in talking, so they tie each other up, spray spooky concoctions and generally cause mischief and mayhem, all trying to get the poor superhero just to change her super-behavior. Of course we all know (DON’T WE?) that other people don’t change other people’s behavior. Have you ever seen Mr. Freeze thaw just because Cat Woman thought it would be fun for the weekend? No, he stays absolutely rigid and frigid at all times.
Unfortunately there isn’t a comic strip “speak bubble” over our heads at all times so that everyone else can figure just what’s up doc. So dear Boys, Girls and Out of Ideas: without a doubt when someone does the leaving, the ball is soundly in their court. Anything you do at this point will only serve to prove in uncertain terms, that you are indeed a bit on the controlling side. Time on the other hand will show up one of several scenarios: 1. He or She really is done and you will get over it. 2. He or she might just want to talk after some time has elapsed. 3. You realize that after the commercial break, you would rather watch another channel altogether. Stay tuned in and know how to roll with the punches, when to take a hiatus, and when to try on a new pair of tights!
Have a naughty day!
Help! My GF just broke up with me and gave me no specific reason why. I have sent flowers and text messages, and she is not responding to anything. All I know is she thought I was somewhat controlling, which I don’t think I am. What can I do to get her back?
Out of ideas but not love
Dear Out -
Super heroes are part of our culture; tortured souls that save the day to save themselves. Obviously, being super doesn’t always work. We don’t see Batman, throwing in the Bat Towel or Spider Man figuring out that a web of deception can tangle you up tighter than a spandex suit in August. They fight the same heroic fight over and over again and never look beyond the poison lipstick right in front of their eyes - even when the same poison was used in a different shade just last week.
When the writing is on the wall, it might as well be written in invisible ink. Even if we choose to decipher some of what we see, we don’t want to believe that our beloved is slipping or charging off into the sunset without us. It is easier to believe that the relatively unknown, but thoroughly evil arch villain, The Scribbler, has been secretly leaving the messages for us.
Trying to decipher cryptic codes, the complex graffiti of love gone South, or the unmistakable scent of “I am done,” (also known as the obscure Channel fragrance Number 86), is painful and frustrating! Just where did it all go wrong? There is rarely one particular moment where it “all went wrong”. There are many moments that, when added up, lead to destination: Return to Sender - with neon lights flashing and signage all along the way.
The one step forward, two steps back method is better left to the Cha Cha Cha, then a relationship. Miss Kitty has never thought much of relationships that are on and off again more times than late night re-runs of Superman. Tension and angst are signs unto themselves, even if a partner doesn’t choose to speak up when things are rocky or when you think all systems are go.
Holy crazy communication concept Batman! Superheroes and super villains don’t seem to realize the value in talking, so they tie each other up, spray spooky concoctions and generally cause mischief and mayhem, all trying to get the poor superhero just to change her super-behavior. Of course we all know (DON’T WE?) that other people don’t change other people’s behavior. Have you ever seen Mr. Freeze thaw just because Cat Woman thought it would be fun for the weekend? No, he stays absolutely rigid and frigid at all times.
Unfortunately there isn’t a comic strip “speak bubble” over our heads at all times so that everyone else can figure just what’s up doc. So dear Boys, Girls and Out of Ideas: without a doubt when someone does the leaving, the ball is soundly in their court. Anything you do at this point will only serve to prove in uncertain terms, that you are indeed a bit on the controlling side. Time on the other hand will show up one of several scenarios: 1. He or She really is done and you will get over it. 2. He or she might just want to talk after some time has elapsed. 3. You realize that after the commercial break, you would rather watch another channel altogether. Stay tuned in and know how to roll with the punches, when to take a hiatus, and when to try on a new pair of tights!
Have a naughty day!
Friday, June 15, 2007
Lazy Love and a Long Hot Summer
Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Recently it seems that all the things he told me we would do, and would happen, haven’t. I am not really happy with him and feel like he hasn’t been straight with me, maybe even not from the beginning. Why does someone say so much and not do it? Was it all just to “get me”? It would appear I had feelings for someone who didn’t even exist as he portrayed himself. I am just feeling weird about the whole thing, and not very good about myself.
Lost in space Lisa.
Dear Lost in Space,
As the heat of summer begins to rise, and the days lengthen, visions of a really good book, a frosty drink and a hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, come to mind. It is a time for easy and straight -forward thinking, without disguise, like a simple lace dress, with nothing underneath. The rising heat takes us back to the supposed, carefree days of summers gone by, and the innocence that accompanies the first flush of romance. The wonderment of first dates, and newness bottled, could out sell “Two buck Chuck” in a fluttering heart beat.
When we look back at the uncomplicated loves, they seem as sweet as juicy-red watermelon; but what happens when the love in the backseat of our memories are a complex mix of unsettling aspects of what we have discovered our lover really was? How confusing is it for the partner filling the dance card of today to comprehend why we made the choices we did? That we could have been in love, or a false version of love with someone less than wholesome, especially in light of where we find ourselves today.
The jaguar follows his target with amber eyes, clear and focused on his intent. There is no thought to anything but bringing down the prey. A big cat doesn’t need to apologize for his instinct as there is nothing but hardwired DNA running the show. In humans there are agendas and how easy it is to loose the self in someone else, and their need to control the whole world. A sense of self, or of selfish?
Like, love and lust are all easy to identify, the pattern, as much as we would like to believe are original to us, are not. They are well documented and even the body chemistry that accompanies infatuation can be analyzed. But when there are tricks up someone’s well dressed seersucker sleeve, disguised as one of the Big Three, the only test that something unhealthy, something perhaps even dangerous, is afoot, is the inability to be our own self with that someone.
When we loose our very identity, or even a piece of it, and fill it entirely with the thoughts and ways of another, it is a sure sign that our innocence is slipping away. Innocence meaning our openness to be our real self. Replaced by a version that walks and talks like us, but is run by fear and the threat of loss. Like a fast- melting ice cream cone, little bits slowly drip away until there is nothing left but a sticky mess, and usually, no napkin in sight.
Boys, Girls and Lisa, we are all lucky to be wearing our earth- suits, meaning we are here, but that isn’t enough. Losing site of just who we really are, in a landscape that is constantly changing, is hard work. Finding ourselves, a self that we like within our relationships, brings us back to feeling safe, and safe is a close cousin to love.
Have a naughty day!
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Recently it seems that all the things he told me we would do, and would happen, haven’t. I am not really happy with him and feel like he hasn’t been straight with me, maybe even not from the beginning. Why does someone say so much and not do it? Was it all just to “get me”? It would appear I had feelings for someone who didn’t even exist as he portrayed himself. I am just feeling weird about the whole thing, and not very good about myself.
Lost in space Lisa.
Dear Lost in Space,
As the heat of summer begins to rise, and the days lengthen, visions of a really good book, a frosty drink and a hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, come to mind. It is a time for easy and straight -forward thinking, without disguise, like a simple lace dress, with nothing underneath. The rising heat takes us back to the supposed, carefree days of summers gone by, and the innocence that accompanies the first flush of romance. The wonderment of first dates, and newness bottled, could out sell “Two buck Chuck” in a fluttering heart beat.
When we look back at the uncomplicated loves, they seem as sweet as juicy-red watermelon; but what happens when the love in the backseat of our memories are a complex mix of unsettling aspects of what we have discovered our lover really was? How confusing is it for the partner filling the dance card of today to comprehend why we made the choices we did? That we could have been in love, or a false version of love with someone less than wholesome, especially in light of where we find ourselves today.
The jaguar follows his target with amber eyes, clear and focused on his intent. There is no thought to anything but bringing down the prey. A big cat doesn’t need to apologize for his instinct as there is nothing but hardwired DNA running the show. In humans there are agendas and how easy it is to loose the self in someone else, and their need to control the whole world. A sense of self, or of selfish?
Like, love and lust are all easy to identify, the pattern, as much as we would like to believe are original to us, are not. They are well documented and even the body chemistry that accompanies infatuation can be analyzed. But when there are tricks up someone’s well dressed seersucker sleeve, disguised as one of the Big Three, the only test that something unhealthy, something perhaps even dangerous, is afoot, is the inability to be our own self with that someone.
When we loose our very identity, or even a piece of it, and fill it entirely with the thoughts and ways of another, it is a sure sign that our innocence is slipping away. Innocence meaning our openness to be our real self. Replaced by a version that walks and talks like us, but is run by fear and the threat of loss. Like a fast- melting ice cream cone, little bits slowly drip away until there is nothing left but a sticky mess, and usually, no napkin in sight.
Boys, Girls and Lisa, we are all lucky to be wearing our earth- suits, meaning we are here, but that isn’t enough. Losing site of just who we really are, in a landscape that is constantly changing, is hard work. Finding ourselves, a self that we like within our relationships, brings us back to feeling safe, and safe is a close cousin to love.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, June 8, 2007
Robin Hood and a Legendary Love
Like the Sphinx, Gone with the Wind, and serious red wine, some things withstand not only the test of time, but gain momentum and get even better as they go along. Take the Legend of Robin Hood. Do you really think he reached the stuff of legend in a couple of months? Was Rob worthy of several movies, a good fox impersonation and fountains right off the bat? Let’s not forget several pubs and a musical!
Researchers recently discovered an actual copy of the newspaper, “In the Hood”, circa 1272. (Read the following in a bad English accent, please) Peasant #1 “Well he’s alright I suppose; gave me half- a- crown, but don’t think much of the tights and little hat”. Peasant #2 “I don’t know, Godfrey; he’s not half bad for a middle man. Takes from the rich, gives it to us lowly lot and obviously doesn’t take much of a cut for wardrobe”. Peasant #3 “Proof is in the pudding, Mates. Let’s see how he lasts through the winter, might be a bit of a draft in his outfit!”
It takes time for a relationship to uncover just what it is made of, regardless of what it appears to look like initially. It is easy to dance together in the Spring of a relationship. Everything is new, and there is nothing to challenge just what the relationship is made of. It is building itself, based on an idea of what it would like to be. It is finding its way, without any history, just the excitement of passion to fuel its path and a glimmer of wondrous future possibilities.
If you decide to stick together into the longer days of Summer, when the light merges into the stars of a sultry summer sky, you begin to know each other a little more. The value of history begins to make itself known. The gentle reminiscing of months gone by, a tease of the amazing possibilities of staying together for a lifetime. Come the Fall, challenges are bound to make their presence known. You have been together long enough for life, with it’s challenges, to enter into the secret garden of your love. Expectations can also run high as time marches on, and once in while there is nothing to eat but Friar Tuck’s really bad soup. Can you eat it together; laugh and know that, once you commandeer the next fancy coach, all will be well again? When the road gets bumpy do you change horses or partners?
Society been distracted by our belief in romantic love and we have sold short the intricacy, the dance, the ebb and flow of real relationships. Like the proverbial falling tree in the forest, (Sherwood or Las Padres), if we have a witness to our life, for better or worse, does the meaning of our life change?
Darling Boys and Girls, it is the tests, both of time and great substance that make or break us. A relationship that is built on cotton candy will melt the first time it feels the rains of winter. The winter of a relationship does not need to be one of discontent. If you work through what is necessary to sustain you at that time, and throw another log or two on the fire, you will survive. You will be better and stronger with even more history to look back upon. Who knows, in time, your relationship might even become a legend.
Have a naughty day!
Researchers recently discovered an actual copy of the newspaper, “In the Hood”, circa 1272. (Read the following in a bad English accent, please) Peasant #1 “Well he’s alright I suppose; gave me half- a- crown, but don’t think much of the tights and little hat”. Peasant #2 “I don’t know, Godfrey; he’s not half bad for a middle man. Takes from the rich, gives it to us lowly lot and obviously doesn’t take much of a cut for wardrobe”. Peasant #3 “Proof is in the pudding, Mates. Let’s see how he lasts through the winter, might be a bit of a draft in his outfit!”
It takes time for a relationship to uncover just what it is made of, regardless of what it appears to look like initially. It is easy to dance together in the Spring of a relationship. Everything is new, and there is nothing to challenge just what the relationship is made of. It is building itself, based on an idea of what it would like to be. It is finding its way, without any history, just the excitement of passion to fuel its path and a glimmer of wondrous future possibilities.
If you decide to stick together into the longer days of Summer, when the light merges into the stars of a sultry summer sky, you begin to know each other a little more. The value of history begins to make itself known. The gentle reminiscing of months gone by, a tease of the amazing possibilities of staying together for a lifetime. Come the Fall, challenges are bound to make their presence known. You have been together long enough for life, with it’s challenges, to enter into the secret garden of your love. Expectations can also run high as time marches on, and once in while there is nothing to eat but Friar Tuck’s really bad soup. Can you eat it together; laugh and know that, once you commandeer the next fancy coach, all will be well again? When the road gets bumpy do you change horses or partners?
Society been distracted by our belief in romantic love and we have sold short the intricacy, the dance, the ebb and flow of real relationships. Like the proverbial falling tree in the forest, (Sherwood or Las Padres), if we have a witness to our life, for better or worse, does the meaning of our life change?
Darling Boys and Girls, it is the tests, both of time and great substance that make or break us. A relationship that is built on cotton candy will melt the first time it feels the rains of winter. The winter of a relationship does not need to be one of discontent. If you work through what is necessary to sustain you at that time, and throw another log or two on the fire, you will survive. You will be better and stronger with even more history to look back upon. Who knows, in time, your relationship might even become a legend.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, June 1, 2007
Speaking with Squirrels and Fishing for Happiness
Have you ever wondered why a squirrel is apparently ready to die for something that’s on the other side of the road? Could it be really good acorns, a tree with a better view or maybe another squirrel? There must be a reason there are so many casualties.
Cars have been on this planet for at least 100 years and the average squirrel lives 3-4 years. This means there have been as many as fifty generations of squirrels, most of who haven’t learned to stay out of traffic! Is survival of the fittest a myth, like dinosaurs being present at the last supper? Could it just be that squirrels don’t know any better? When looking for a life partner, or just a casual relationship, the squirrel rule applies: there must be a reason there are so many casualties in our search for love.
Looking for love in all the wrong places certainly has something to do with it.
If you are fishing for bass on a lake stocked with bass you will catch, you guessed it, bass. So why on Lake We- Only-Stock-Bass do you see so many anglers looking to hook a trout? Why are poles and reels, suitable for catching marlin, hanging out on the dock at Lake Cachuma? A real marlin, not the perch which looks like a marlin, and only surfaces after you have had way too many beers.
If you want someone with depth, you have to go to the deep, not the shallow end. You won’t get the Catch- Of -The -Day if you flounder around in the mud!
Speaking of mud, where we fish has as much to do with what we catch as putting out the right bait. If you really want to be with someone intelligent does it make sense to trawl the bottom of the dating pool? Odds are a bottom feeder is all that you are going to net and that means, once again, the weekend is over and all you have to show for it is a serious moon burn and a messy boat!
So Darling Boys and Girls, since a few of us are risking life and limb, scampering across roads, looking for bigger nuts and better views, it stands to reason that we CAN all learn. What if we had the Catch- And- Release rule in regards to dating? Cast, catch, determine maturity (not based on size!) and release immediately if not up to standard? Everyone would benefit greatly. We would invest much less time in trial and error, give the other fisher- people a chance at something that might work for them, and keep lots of cash flooding into the bait shops!
Most squirrels don’t stand a chance of changing their stars, since the ones that do make it across the road, the few successful risk takers, are busy making more squirrels, not directing traffic. It would appear that darting across pavement and dodging speeding automobiles is a good thing. (Just like it would appear that a crawl up or down State Street may hook you the love of your life).
Last time I communicated with a dead squirrel, via the Ouija board, I was told, (read in very high squeaky voice) “It was worth it and I wouldn’t have risked this fluffy tail for just a big nut!”
Have a naughty day!
Cars have been on this planet for at least 100 years and the average squirrel lives 3-4 years. This means there have been as many as fifty generations of squirrels, most of who haven’t learned to stay out of traffic! Is survival of the fittest a myth, like dinosaurs being present at the last supper? Could it just be that squirrels don’t know any better? When looking for a life partner, or just a casual relationship, the squirrel rule applies: there must be a reason there are so many casualties in our search for love.
Looking for love in all the wrong places certainly has something to do with it.
If you are fishing for bass on a lake stocked with bass you will catch, you guessed it, bass. So why on Lake We- Only-Stock-Bass do you see so many anglers looking to hook a trout? Why are poles and reels, suitable for catching marlin, hanging out on the dock at Lake Cachuma? A real marlin, not the perch which looks like a marlin, and only surfaces after you have had way too many beers.
If you want someone with depth, you have to go to the deep, not the shallow end. You won’t get the Catch- Of -The -Day if you flounder around in the mud!
Speaking of mud, where we fish has as much to do with what we catch as putting out the right bait. If you really want to be with someone intelligent does it make sense to trawl the bottom of the dating pool? Odds are a bottom feeder is all that you are going to net and that means, once again, the weekend is over and all you have to show for it is a serious moon burn and a messy boat!
So Darling Boys and Girls, since a few of us are risking life and limb, scampering across roads, looking for bigger nuts and better views, it stands to reason that we CAN all learn. What if we had the Catch- And- Release rule in regards to dating? Cast, catch, determine maturity (not based on size!) and release immediately if not up to standard? Everyone would benefit greatly. We would invest much less time in trial and error, give the other fisher- people a chance at something that might work for them, and keep lots of cash flooding into the bait shops!
Most squirrels don’t stand a chance of changing their stars, since the ones that do make it across the road, the few successful risk takers, are busy making more squirrels, not directing traffic. It would appear that darting across pavement and dodging speeding automobiles is a good thing. (Just like it would appear that a crawl up or down State Street may hook you the love of your life).
Last time I communicated with a dead squirrel, via the Ouija board, I was told, (read in very high squeaky voice) “It was worth it and I wouldn’t have risked this fluffy tail for just a big nut!”
Have a naughty day!
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