We exercise, eat organic, and some of us even buy new body parts. We cover up, and un-cover, what doesn’t work for us, with trips to the gym, spa or a friendly plastic surgeon. We have learned to honor the outside and since our bodies are a temple, why not remodel every once in a while? But if we are what we eat, are we whom we date?
Dare I suggest, that unhealthy dating shows up by slowing our brains and clogging our hearts? It won’t kill us, like a steady diet of fast food, but makes us less than the gods and goddess who reside in our mortal temples, (furnished or unfurnished). If our dating choices have us aging in dog years, could it be time to take a break, and check ourselves into Tbe Betty Ford Clinic and Day Spa, for a bit of Boytox and Girlhab?
So while lying around in a white robe, take some time to meditate on exactly why you are feeling like throwing in the spa towel. While clarifying your pores, clarify some of your personal positions. Maybe your back, along with your expectations, needs some adjusting.
We all want to feel special, especially by that special someone; but does being a special someone mean that we are truly a muse? That we inspire new thoughts, new pet names and new recipes? I don’t think so. If we date Mr. Pitt, and write him a poem, immortalizing him and then date Mr. Depp and write him a different poem, should Mr. Depp be hurt? Pretty words come from the spirit of the writer and it doesn’t take away from your originality if you pen a poem for everyone you date. So Johnny, get over it.
For instance, if you have taken up temporary occupancy in another temple, consider yourself lucky if he or she actually uses your real name in bed, instead of the proverbial “Honey”. (Of course, on Mount Olympus, most of us call out “God”, which makes it safer in case we slip up).
A particular noun is not necessarily particular to one person. Honey and Beloved, for example, are generic endearments. Everyone has a dating MO. It doesn’t mean we are bad; we are just ourselves. Just because he makes his famous Chicken Picatta for everyone doesn’t mean that it isn’t made especially for you. If her flower of choice is white roses, be happy you are the one receiving them. She might be choosing them because they show up in the dark. How romantic! You will know it is truly good for you because you feel truly good, and that is all that really matters.
So, boys and girls, it looks like we aren’t what we eat, nor are we whom we date. We bring ourselves to the table and our ways of dating are no reflection on who we are with. Our dating MO is who we are, and as long as we are in the best possible shape, we bring the best possibilities.
Dear Miss Kitty,
I just found out that my GF has been cheating on me. We have been together for 3 years and I thought I would marry this woman. She said it meant nothing and wants to get back together. I don’t know if I should believe her.
Fallen to Pieces
Dear Patsy Cline Fan,
Here is a kiss on the cheek. It won’t make the hurt go away, but at least you know you are not alone, and anyone who has ever been cheated on and is reading this, feels your pain. What to do is a tough one. If she said it meant “nothing”, why was she willing to risk you, for nothing? This is the question I have been waiting for. The big one.
So, boys and girls, here is a contest for you. “Why do people cheat”. Write me, help@dearmisskitty.com in 200-250 words. My panel of experts is looking for insight into the question of the century. Prize? Of course Darlings, dinner with me, At Fresco at the Beach and your answer will be published in the Valentine’s Day edition of the Daily Sound. Keep reading Fallen, help is on the way!
Have a naughty day!
Profile
Friday, January 26, 2007
Friday, January 19, 2007
Now You Don't See It, Now You Do
Can you miss Venice if you have never been there? Long for coconut cake if you have never tasted it? Miss something that you never really had? Why is it that when the dust clears, after the tower has fallen down, we stand amidst the wreckage still hoping for the magic to be real? Even when the glamour was the David Copperfield kind - smoke, mirrors and trap doors to empty spaces.
As good as our filters can be, everyone can find themselves a starring role in “The Master of Manipulations". Not the fabulous show in Vegas with glitter and bright lights, but the one that has you sitting in the dark, crying into the program, searching for what, if anything, was real. Girls and boys, the web is slowly and smoothly spun, thick yet invisible and can hold you tighter than the love you thought you had. Wonder boy or girl has literally made you disappear for awhile.
Just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole; if our reality has been in question, through no fault of our own, we will find ourselves in uncomfortable territory. Landing with a hard bump on the not-so-soft floor of truth, nothing will make sense for a while. Up is down, down is a long way to fall, and when we fall in love with someone and find out the person isn’t real, we want to fall even further.
If something or someone can conjure up a feeling; even if the feeling is based on nothing substantial, it doesn’t mean that the feeling isn’t real. Just because there wasn’t a clear conscience under the top hat, it doesn’t mean that the pain is non-existent. It hurts, as only being sawed in half for someone else’s pleasure can. There is a particular and persistent ache which seems to accompany the realization that a romance was not what we thought it was. Like calling The Emperor’s New Clothes “The 2007 Spring Collection”, ruthless deceit brings up questions for which there are never enough answers.
Each magician has their own book of answers and there is always a trick which will astound even the wisest of us all. So, if you find the Tooth Fairy is a hoax, be gentle to yourself; if you discover that someone was only a god because you made them so, be twice as gentle. Other people’s actions have no reflection on us, and it is up to them to learn that tricks are for kids, and true love is never an illusion.
_________________________
Dear Miss Kitty,
I have a friend (really) who is dating a nice girl who he likes, but is losing interest because she, well, let's say she is the "Church Lady" when it comes to sex. She does not mind having sex with him but thinks there is only one way to do it: under the covers, missionary style with the lights out. She does not pick up on my friend's overtures to explore new things nor seem interested in spicing things up. He has had it and is ready to move on. I think it is a shame because they are otherwise really compatible. What do you think? Can a church lady be taught new things or is he wasting his time? He is a good, very successful guy who wants to be with a nice girl who isn't afraid to try new things.
-Good Deed Doer
Dear Good Deed,
You are obviously conversant with doing the good deed and recognize the real importance of true intimacy! A man with a mission instead of just the position! "Your friend" (of course we believe you) is lucky to have you! Even under rocks and in remote caves, information about sexual pleasure is available, so she must have a very good reason why she feels the way she does. Except for my car being washed, conversation is the best foreplay available, and the only way "your friend" is going to get anywhere. Conversations with care are in order, as many as it takes. If they can work through this, they will have quite a bond. If not (he was respectful of the lady's wishes), he can move on, and call me!
Have a naughty day!
As good as our filters can be, everyone can find themselves a starring role in “The Master of Manipulations". Not the fabulous show in Vegas with glitter and bright lights, but the one that has you sitting in the dark, crying into the program, searching for what, if anything, was real. Girls and boys, the web is slowly and smoothly spun, thick yet invisible and can hold you tighter than the love you thought you had. Wonder boy or girl has literally made you disappear for awhile.
Just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole; if our reality has been in question, through no fault of our own, we will find ourselves in uncomfortable territory. Landing with a hard bump on the not-so-soft floor of truth, nothing will make sense for a while. Up is down, down is a long way to fall, and when we fall in love with someone and find out the person isn’t real, we want to fall even further.
If something or someone can conjure up a feeling; even if the feeling is based on nothing substantial, it doesn’t mean that the feeling isn’t real. Just because there wasn’t a clear conscience under the top hat, it doesn’t mean that the pain is non-existent. It hurts, as only being sawed in half for someone else’s pleasure can. There is a particular and persistent ache which seems to accompany the realization that a romance was not what we thought it was. Like calling The Emperor’s New Clothes “The 2007 Spring Collection”, ruthless deceit brings up questions for which there are never enough answers.
Each magician has their own book of answers and there is always a trick which will astound even the wisest of us all. So, if you find the Tooth Fairy is a hoax, be gentle to yourself; if you discover that someone was only a god because you made them so, be twice as gentle. Other people’s actions have no reflection on us, and it is up to them to learn that tricks are for kids, and true love is never an illusion.
_________________________
Dear Miss Kitty,
I have a friend (really) who is dating a nice girl who he likes, but is losing interest because she, well, let's say she is the "Church Lady" when it comes to sex. She does not mind having sex with him but thinks there is only one way to do it: under the covers, missionary style with the lights out. She does not pick up on my friend's overtures to explore new things nor seem interested in spicing things up. He has had it and is ready to move on. I think it is a shame because they are otherwise really compatible. What do you think? Can a church lady be taught new things or is he wasting his time? He is a good, very successful guy who wants to be with a nice girl who isn't afraid to try new things.
-Good Deed Doer
Dear Good Deed,
You are obviously conversant with doing the good deed and recognize the real importance of true intimacy! A man with a mission instead of just the position! "Your friend" (of course we believe you) is lucky to have you! Even under rocks and in remote caves, information about sexual pleasure is available, so she must have a very good reason why she feels the way she does. Except for my car being washed, conversation is the best foreplay available, and the only way "your friend" is going to get anywhere. Conversations with care are in order, as many as it takes. If they can work through this, they will have quite a bond. If not (he was respectful of the lady's wishes), he can move on, and call me!
Have a naughty day!
Friday, January 12, 2007
Arm Candy Agendas and Boy Toy Dilemmas
Dear Miss Kitty,
I am dating a young man and my friends are giving me a hard time. Recently I was called Mrs. Robinson when I walked into a Girls Night that I attend once a month! I was married in my 20's divorced in my 40's and now, and this feels right for now. O.k. or not?
Lucy, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Lucy,
When we wonder if the grass is greener, the blond blonder, the biceps bigger, are we really looking at would have - could have - should have been once upon a time? Are we hoping that we are pushing back more than daylight savings when dating someone younger?
The bronze trophy on the mantle takes more and more buffing to maintain its mirror like surface in which to gaze back to the glory days. Can we see the future if we glaze a tight young tummy with enough oil and stare into it? Does the future look clearer, or is it like a sugary donut, better to look at then actually eat?
Throughout history, successful lovers tend to seek out kindred spirits. Someone from the same tribe. A shared level of culture and maturity. And most of the time, close to the same age. Then again, Sleeping Beauty was one hundred years older than her Prince. Of course, she had the ”Botox” of a lifetime, and a lot of catching up to do, but apparently they stayed together and lived happily ever after.
If life feels like you have been sleeping through it, does it matter, do you care, should anyone mind, if someone enchanting wakes you up? Does it always have to be forever? What about for now? For now can be pretty wonderful. A fresh look at an old world. Isn’t that the reason children inspire adults?
There is always accountability in sharing your time and your bed, no matter who your play date is. Even if you are in the dazed and confused rush of puppy love, you don’t want chewed up shoes and a mess in what was an orderly home. So Mrs. or Mr. Robinson, take your time introducing the new puppy to your world, especially if there are children involved. If you are the puppy, you have a lot to learn. The children will tire you out and you might have to do some serious obedience training before you are really ready to play on the big-dog side of the park.
If life is to be inspiring,it bliss to find our muse Relationships are life’s greatest work. They bring forth our demons and calm our spirits. They challenge us to make sense of all the feelings of which we are capable, and give us the opportunity to grow as nothing else can. Whether your love is younger or older in actual years doesn’t really matter: it's the way you choose to live that love does. In other words, boys and girls, be judicious and mindful in all your choices.
P.S. Make sure the puppy wears tags, just in case your new pet gets carded.
________________________
I am dating a young man and my friends are giving me a hard time. Recently I was called Mrs. Robinson when I walked into a Girls Night that I attend once a month! I was married in my 20's divorced in my 40's and now, and this feels right for now. O.k. or not?
Lucy, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Lucy,
When we wonder if the grass is greener, the blond blonder, the biceps bigger, are we really looking at would have - could have - should have been once upon a time? Are we hoping that we are pushing back more than daylight savings when dating someone younger?
The bronze trophy on the mantle takes more and more buffing to maintain its mirror like surface in which to gaze back to the glory days. Can we see the future if we glaze a tight young tummy with enough oil and stare into it? Does the future look clearer, or is it like a sugary donut, better to look at then actually eat?
Throughout history, successful lovers tend to seek out kindred spirits. Someone from the same tribe. A shared level of culture and maturity. And most of the time, close to the same age. Then again, Sleeping Beauty was one hundred years older than her Prince. Of course, she had the ”Botox” of a lifetime, and a lot of catching up to do, but apparently they stayed together and lived happily ever after.
If life feels like you have been sleeping through it, does it matter, do you care, should anyone mind, if someone enchanting wakes you up? Does it always have to be forever? What about for now? For now can be pretty wonderful. A fresh look at an old world. Isn’t that the reason children inspire adults?
There is always accountability in sharing your time and your bed, no matter who your play date is. Even if you are in the dazed and confused rush of puppy love, you don’t want chewed up shoes and a mess in what was an orderly home. So Mrs. or Mr. Robinson, take your time introducing the new puppy to your world, especially if there are children involved. If you are the puppy, you have a lot to learn. The children will tire you out and you might have to do some serious obedience training before you are really ready to play on the big-dog side of the park.
If life is to be inspiring,it bliss to find our muse Relationships are life’s greatest work. They bring forth our demons and calm our spirits. They challenge us to make sense of all the feelings of which we are capable, and give us the opportunity to grow as nothing else can. Whether your love is younger or older in actual years doesn’t really matter: it's the way you choose to live that love does. In other words, boys and girls, be judicious and mindful in all your choices.
P.S. Make sure the puppy wears tags, just in case your new pet gets carded.
________________________
Friday, January 5, 2007
Trust, Ethics and Who's on First?
Read any profile on a dating site and you will find "trustworthy" right next to "likes romantic walks on a beach". A basic, plain as the Pinocchio nose on your face, value.
We cherish, demand and yet seem to wiggle all around the rules of the game. When we are given a key to the valuable contents of someone’s heart, easily and early on, do we question the trust handed to us and value it as lightly as a Dodger Dog? Must we earn trust to value it?
We all know what trustworthy means. It is like blue. We all perceive different shades, blue sky or the blue of under eye circles from too much crying, but it is still blue.
Kindergarten teaches kind and caring before reading and writing. Rules to live by, long after the finger paint has dried. What happens when someone skids into home plate and insists they are safe when you both know they are out? Is it a case of misunderstanding or just lying to ourselves that someone is as honorable as they would have us believe? Where is the shelter when it rains so hard the dugout is leaking?
We live by rules. Democratic, autocratic, the slipper rule your mom made up (there is not a bill in Congress about this one, trust me). If you don’t obey the rules you can end up in the dog house or “The Big House”. Sometimes all the “dog house flowers” and lawyers in the world can’t get you out. Like knowing which fork to pick up at a formal dinner party, rules smooth out the furrows in the unknown fields of life.
We have spoken and unspoken rules in a relationship. With the latter, you are on your own, “Pay to Play” philosophy. You pay if you mess up, but then, you know the rule. Putting it all out ahead of time lets the players digest and make sure they are really ready to sign on the dotted line. Girls and boys, obey the rules. Some up front, most as you go along, and a few to break together… because occasionally a rule is meant to be broken.
_________________________
Dear Miss Kitty,
Why do old men find it necessary to date extremely younger women? Don’t they know they are ruining these girls’ chances of finding someone their own age to fall in love and have a family with? Not to mention how stupid they look dating someone who looks like their granddaughter!
-Erika Cane
Dear Erika Cane,
First and foremost, you are fabulous and although you know it (a good thing ala Martha S.), it is not surprising that you come up with the question that has baffled goddesses down through the ages. Filmy white togas aside, there are as many reasons as there are erectile dysfunction meds. Not many. There is the blind hope that some of that creamy youth might actually rub off. After all, he is being gazed upon by unabashedly naive eyes that don't have the experience to know what they are really looking at. If in the fragile breeze of a recent break up, especially if it is a long term marriage, he can delay the eventual appointment with Dorian Grey. Darling, it won't last. Never does. Think of her as a cheap Band-Aid with James Bond on it, instead of Barney! When he pulls her off, because she isn't as cool as he thought, it will sting and he will have to find a healthy way to heal his wounds. As far as the stupid comment, now now darling. You have heard the expression, give him enough rope....
Have a naughty day!
We cherish, demand and yet seem to wiggle all around the rules of the game. When we are given a key to the valuable contents of someone’s heart, easily and early on, do we question the trust handed to us and value it as lightly as a Dodger Dog? Must we earn trust to value it?
We all know what trustworthy means. It is like blue. We all perceive different shades, blue sky or the blue of under eye circles from too much crying, but it is still blue.
Kindergarten teaches kind and caring before reading and writing. Rules to live by, long after the finger paint has dried. What happens when someone skids into home plate and insists they are safe when you both know they are out? Is it a case of misunderstanding or just lying to ourselves that someone is as honorable as they would have us believe? Where is the shelter when it rains so hard the dugout is leaking?
We live by rules. Democratic, autocratic, the slipper rule your mom made up (there is not a bill in Congress about this one, trust me). If you don’t obey the rules you can end up in the dog house or “The Big House”. Sometimes all the “dog house flowers” and lawyers in the world can’t get you out. Like knowing which fork to pick up at a formal dinner party, rules smooth out the furrows in the unknown fields of life.
We have spoken and unspoken rules in a relationship. With the latter, you are on your own, “Pay to Play” philosophy. You pay if you mess up, but then, you know the rule. Putting it all out ahead of time lets the players digest and make sure they are really ready to sign on the dotted line. Girls and boys, obey the rules. Some up front, most as you go along, and a few to break together… because occasionally a rule is meant to be broken.
_________________________
Dear Miss Kitty,
Why do old men find it necessary to date extremely younger women? Don’t they know they are ruining these girls’ chances of finding someone their own age to fall in love and have a family with? Not to mention how stupid they look dating someone who looks like their granddaughter!
-Erika Cane
Dear Erika Cane,
First and foremost, you are fabulous and although you know it (a good thing ala Martha S.), it is not surprising that you come up with the question that has baffled goddesses down through the ages. Filmy white togas aside, there are as many reasons as there are erectile dysfunction meds. Not many. There is the blind hope that some of that creamy youth might actually rub off. After all, he is being gazed upon by unabashedly naive eyes that don't have the experience to know what they are really looking at. If in the fragile breeze of a recent break up, especially if it is a long term marriage, he can delay the eventual appointment with Dorian Grey. Darling, it won't last. Never does. Think of her as a cheap Band-Aid with James Bond on it, instead of Barney! When he pulls her off, because she isn't as cool as he thought, it will sting and he will have to find a healthy way to heal his wounds. As far as the stupid comment, now now darling. You have heard the expression, give him enough rope....
Have a naughty day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)