Dear Miss Kitty,
My man of choice has stopped treating me like he used to. This isn’t about less love, it is more about I miss is how it used to be. The little things like surprises and tokens of affection are pretty much non-existent. You know what I mean. How can I get him to understand how important this is for me without sounding like a nag?
Nancy, Santa Barbara
Dear Nancy,
Somewhere in a far off location, (which cannot be disclosed in order to protect your safety), deep inside a mountain, hidden by jungle vines is the holy shrine of Man- Info. This is where pilgrimages are taken unknown and unaware by unsuspecting wives and girlfriends. In this subterranean lair, the secrets of manhood are disclosed to the ready and willing. It is sacred temple where in the innermost realms the deepest, darkest and most profound information regarding women can be found.
Unfortunately for the last 100 years, (in spite of Google maps) the exact location has been lost and consequently most men have been a bit confused on the subtle art of woman-wooing. There are a few extremely smart men out there, that have taken it upon themselves, after deep meditative reflection (and a lot of trial and error) to nail the necessary - and are exempt from the following advice.
Except for those mentioned above (and you know who you are), grab a blue highlighter and get ready for some harsh, but true reality. Lesson number one: You may think that loving her is enough. It is not sad, but it is true that it alone isn’t enough. Love is the pinnacle of all greatness, but it takes a cat of another color to make SURE she feels loved, needed, and wanted as a woman.
As Robin would say, “Holy fickle feline Batman! Isn’t it enough that we participate in Valentines Day?” Although this is coming from a hyper little man in emerald green tights, one realizes that indeed, with the shrine all be forsaken, there is work to do. Are all women wired this way? Shouldn’t the fact a birthday is remembered, the trash is taken out and the toilet seat is left down be enough? I would love to say “hallelujah and pass the Chardonnay”, but alas it is not enough.
The worst part for you action-minded creatures is that there is no real rhyme or reason. This is not a problem to be solved- it is the way it is - and it will always be that way. Does this mean that you can schedule out a dozen roses for the next year to be delivered every Friday? Godiva chocolates next to her shampoo bottle in the shower every Tuesday? NO you can’t - because it isn’t about the stuff - it is about the fact that she has a tangible something to let her know, her beloved man was thinking about her. Putting “thinking” on a schedule will become routine and even perfect pink pansies will lose their passionate purpose.
Because there was more than a grain of truth in Robin’s exclamation, you must continue to be creative and try not to repeat the tokens of affection. Women are fickle creatures and there is no reason to deny it. I am sure, if we could look upon the ancient parchments within the Man-Info temple we would know the reason why but alas, we cannot. For a bit of sanity here, this is how the math works. Fabulous Male plus dating excitement equals feeling in love. Fabulous Male plus laundry and what’s for dinner equals feeling missing being in love. The missing feeling leads to other feelings that lead to other feelings. Now do you get it?
Darling Nancy, Boys and Girls, it is exhausting to struggle against what is nature and as hard as it is to accept it, some things are just the way they are. Understanding that there are differences in men and women and working not only within those differences but letting those differences stretch us is one of the lovely, although sometimes frustrating things about the differences. One more little note: it is a relationship- long endeavor, which must be constant but not predictable. Speaking of predictable, the rewards for getting this right are amazing - and anything but predictable.
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Friday, May 8, 2009
Friday, May 1, 2009
Davey Crockett and Moving Boxes
Dear Miss Kitty,
I am thinking about moving, and although it isn’t completely because of a guy, he does have more than a little something to do with it. Put it this way, I wanted to anyway and meeting him helped me finally make up my mind. Do you see any potential problems with this if it doesn’t work out?
S.G,
Dear S.G,
There’s nothing quite like getting in touch with your inner Davey Crockett. Grabbing a couple of oars, a canoe and heading off down the river, with nothing in mind but a lazy day on the water. It’s a different story all together if the canoe has a 27 foot moving truck driving in parallel on the streams bank, the destination is known, and one is hoping for a friendly native.
The reasons for moving have to be reasons that stand alone and stand up for what you want your life to be, completely regardless of a relationship. Do people move to be with the one they love? Of course they do. Do people move to be with the one they like and wish that more would transpire? Of course they do. Do people move to stalk someone across the country that they have found on the internet? Of course they do.
Anyone can have apparently sound reasons for doing anything, and in the safe little world that is one’s own reality, it all makes sense. Anything can be rationalized. The point is our own reality has a population of one and always will. Doesn’t it make sense that more than a hope about a relationship should be the motivation for a major life change?
Oh, the kitty is jaded, but then again, jade is a jewel highly valued in the Orient for it’s propensity for bringing luck so it must be good. It’s not hard to convince ourselves of anything, if we paint a picture that looks pretty, even if there isn’t a speck of real to it.
People always tell or show the truth, in one way or another, if one is willing to hear or see it. That goes double for the “truths” we show and tell ourselves. Now is print, in clear black and white, this is what you wrote, “Do you see any potential problems with this if it doesn’t work out?” I don’t think, but you let me know, that you were talking about the move. The move has much more to do with the guy then you are admitting to yourself. If there was enough of a lure without him, that question would never have come up. There would be no question, just moving boxes and more moving boxes.
Perhaps, now is good time to grab a 10-foot white board, lots of color markers and make a good old fashioned pro’s and con’s list - all by yourself. You can erase to your hearts content until what you see, is what you will get. If you still like the picture, take the journey, but take it knowing the lay of the land, as it is, not what you hope it will be.
Darling S, Boys and Girls, Mr.Crockett is quoted as saying, “Be always sure you are right then go, ahead”. Miss Kitty is quoted as saying, “Make sure what is “right” is truly real for you, then go, ahead.”
Have a naughty day!
I am thinking about moving, and although it isn’t completely because of a guy, he does have more than a little something to do with it. Put it this way, I wanted to anyway and meeting him helped me finally make up my mind. Do you see any potential problems with this if it doesn’t work out?
S.G,
Dear S.G,
There’s nothing quite like getting in touch with your inner Davey Crockett. Grabbing a couple of oars, a canoe and heading off down the river, with nothing in mind but a lazy day on the water. It’s a different story all together if the canoe has a 27 foot moving truck driving in parallel on the streams bank, the destination is known, and one is hoping for a friendly native.
The reasons for moving have to be reasons that stand alone and stand up for what you want your life to be, completely regardless of a relationship. Do people move to be with the one they love? Of course they do. Do people move to be with the one they like and wish that more would transpire? Of course they do. Do people move to stalk someone across the country that they have found on the internet? Of course they do.
Anyone can have apparently sound reasons for doing anything, and in the safe little world that is one’s own reality, it all makes sense. Anything can be rationalized. The point is our own reality has a population of one and always will. Doesn’t it make sense that more than a hope about a relationship should be the motivation for a major life change?
Oh, the kitty is jaded, but then again, jade is a jewel highly valued in the Orient for it’s propensity for bringing luck so it must be good. It’s not hard to convince ourselves of anything, if we paint a picture that looks pretty, even if there isn’t a speck of real to it.
People always tell or show the truth, in one way or another, if one is willing to hear or see it. That goes double for the “truths” we show and tell ourselves. Now is print, in clear black and white, this is what you wrote, “Do you see any potential problems with this if it doesn’t work out?” I don’t think, but you let me know, that you were talking about the move. The move has much more to do with the guy then you are admitting to yourself. If there was enough of a lure without him, that question would never have come up. There would be no question, just moving boxes and more moving boxes.
Perhaps, now is good time to grab a 10-foot white board, lots of color markers and make a good old fashioned pro’s and con’s list - all by yourself. You can erase to your hearts content until what you see, is what you will get. If you still like the picture, take the journey, but take it knowing the lay of the land, as it is, not what you hope it will be.
Darling S, Boys and Girls, Mr.Crockett is quoted as saying, “Be always sure you are right then go, ahead”. Miss Kitty is quoted as saying, “Make sure what is “right” is truly real for you, then go, ahead.”
Have a naughty day!
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