On this, the one-year anniversary of Kitty in the City, let’s take a stroll down memory lane and see what the year has brought in the way of romance. Have we learned our lessons the hard - but final – way, and made space in our worlds for the love of a lifetime? Are we playing in the virtual playground of Internet dating? Are we safe, secure and content in a relationship that has lasted at least as long as a cell phone contract but doesn’t have as many restrictions?
The dragon, the goat and the snake may have had their years, but in Miss Kitty’s world, it has been the year of the questions. Sent from men and woman in equal amounts, all wanting more than a grain of reason about the eternal struggle for truth across the vast expanse of Planet Relationship. So, Boys and Girls, after being together a year, sharing introspective rationale for why we do what we do and looking together for answers, Miss Kitty has decided to go for the big one - since size does matter after all. Yes, the absolutely most frequently asked question is…
Dear Miss Kitty: How do I find real and lasting love?
The first stop on the road to true love, and love with truth, starts with the self and always will. The first love of your life has to be you, in all your radiant glory. For when a man or a woman is self reliant and strong he or she becomes sexy and desirable to others. What makes this person so attractive is that he or she is living a life with purpose. One must first cater to the self, to real needs and wants, and supply whatever is necessary for continued personal growth. Equal helpings from the self-esteem pyramid must be incorporated into daily life, via fun, friendships and paying your own emotional way to maintain a healthy sense of whom you are at all times.
Believe in compromise, but never sacrifice and most importantly, never let go of your core values for anyone or anything. Values will upgrade as you grow, but decisions about a deep and meaningful personal foundation are yours alone to be at peace with. This platform must be maintained at all times, for if it slips away, the self is harmed along with the primary relationship, regardless of the relationship’s stage of development.
If this mantle of goddess or god does slide away, there is nothing worthwhile for one to reflect back into their partner’s eyes - and the relationship withers and dies. One thing we truly desire in our partners is that they hold us up to a high, yet believable standard. They are the ultimate loving mirror of what we are and what we can be. This is love - and without a clear and precise reflection, love does not last.
A relationship is the final test of where we are as a person. If and when we find ourselves in a less than desirable place, living an existence of mediocrity or dwelling deep within the confines of mental or physical ropes of desperation, it means that we have work to do. There is no easy way around but to find our path, even if that means a whole lot of heartache. If we truly value and love ourselves we might stay enmeshed for awhile (the reasons no one, including our self needs to understand) but we wouldn’t stay beyond the obvious moment when truth became stranger than fiction. A reasonable cost is the relationship, but never the loss of the self.
Let today, October 12, 2007, be the New Years Eve of romance in your life. Make your resolutions - and remember there is no limit about what you want, how to get it and why you want it. Raise a glass to wherever in Romance Land you find yourself today and know that the gift of one’s self - whole and complete - is really as good as it gets. Thanks for a year of excellent questions, love and of course, lots of kisses!
Have a naughty day!
Profile
Friday, October 12, 2007
Friday, October 5, 2007
Miss Kitty’s “Guide to Keyboard Love” Chapter 3 - Profile Perfect
Dear Miss Kitty,
How do you write, in 250 words or less, clearly enough about yourself to convey who you really are? Can anyone do this successfully? Based upon this concern, I worry about the never ending process of having a cup of coffee and then realizing there is no connection. How do I convey the information necessary to that someone else has the best chance of knowing who I am sooner than later?
G
Dear G,
To get someone else to perk up and select our profile over the countless others available, takes putting forth a glowing enough personal synopsis to be intriguing, which is also heavily enough based in reality so there is a good chance of a connection when you actually meet. Apparently this is harder than making Mars a potential vacation destination within the next one hundred years. Is this part of the process really necessary? Couldn’t one just loosely sketch out a few likes and dislikes and rely on the whole thing being a numbers game?
Even though in many respects internet dating is a numbers game (don’t fool yourself - so is conventional dating) being really clear about who you are in this world has several benefits to the online dater. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to find that seemingly elusive relationship. When we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t, someone wonderful is much more likely to find us and the only way to do that is to start the process with a well-written personal profile. Reality says there is no way anyone can convey everything within the space-limited structure that is allowed, but you can convey enough to make someone raise an eyebrow, smile and want to know more.
That is the idea behind a really good profile. Instead of saying you like red wine and old movies …get specific. “I like taking out a dusty bottle of red, that I have been saving from a tour of the Napa Valley and watching Rear Window with lots of pillows in the middle of the afternoon. “ This thirty five word scenario paints a picture that gives the reader a lot to think about. Not only will it elicit a better than average response, it will simultaneously weed out folks that would never understand why you would find that a nice way to pass the time and this particular factor is really important.
Not only does a profile give you an unprecedented way to explore who you are right now, it is like throwing a strong but little net right into the middle of what you want to catch, instead of a giant net, carelessly thrown just anywhere - that garnishes a lot of stuff you just have to throw back. Unless you really have a high tolerance for small talk and caffeine you want to work the weeding-out process from the beginning.
Have a naughty day!
How do you write, in 250 words or less, clearly enough about yourself to convey who you really are? Can anyone do this successfully? Based upon this concern, I worry about the never ending process of having a cup of coffee and then realizing there is no connection. How do I convey the information necessary to that someone else has the best chance of knowing who I am sooner than later?
G
Dear G,
To get someone else to perk up and select our profile over the countless others available, takes putting forth a glowing enough personal synopsis to be intriguing, which is also heavily enough based in reality so there is a good chance of a connection when you actually meet. Apparently this is harder than making Mars a potential vacation destination within the next one hundred years. Is this part of the process really necessary? Couldn’t one just loosely sketch out a few likes and dislikes and rely on the whole thing being a numbers game?
Even though in many respects internet dating is a numbers game (don’t fool yourself - so is conventional dating) being really clear about who you are in this world has several benefits to the online dater. The better you know yourself, the easier it is to find that seemingly elusive relationship. When we focus on what we want, instead of what we don’t, someone wonderful is much more likely to find us and the only way to do that is to start the process with a well-written personal profile. Reality says there is no way anyone can convey everything within the space-limited structure that is allowed, but you can convey enough to make someone raise an eyebrow, smile and want to know more.
That is the idea behind a really good profile. Instead of saying you like red wine and old movies …get specific. “I like taking out a dusty bottle of red, that I have been saving from a tour of the Napa Valley and watching Rear Window with lots of pillows in the middle of the afternoon. “ This thirty five word scenario paints a picture that gives the reader a lot to think about. Not only will it elicit a better than average response, it will simultaneously weed out folks that would never understand why you would find that a nice way to pass the time and this particular factor is really important.
Not only does a profile give you an unprecedented way to explore who you are right now, it is like throwing a strong but little net right into the middle of what you want to catch, instead of a giant net, carelessly thrown just anywhere - that garnishes a lot of stuff you just have to throw back. Unless you really have a high tolerance for small talk and caffeine you want to work the weeding-out process from the beginning.
Have a naughty day!
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