Dear Miss Kitty,
I am retired over 65 and alone. I have been trying to find a female companion on the internet dating services for nearly two years. I must be doing something wrong because I haven't found anyone for a long term relationship. I think the problem is age. Older women, post menopausal, do not seem interested in sex but most guys I know still want to have this level of intimacy. The women who give a clear message that they want to be intimate are at least 10-20 years younger, in their 50's. They don't want older men as they are worried about being the care giver when we get even older. But the men their age are looking for 30 year olds!! It looks like a Catch 22. Do you see a solution?
“Good Credit but A-loan”...Goleta
Dear Good Credit but A-loan,
As the cowboy said to the bull, “This ain’t my first rodeo!” MK’s inbox has more questions regarding the crazier-by-the-year dating world, then any other topic. Second only to infidelity, modern dating has more facets than the Hope Diamond and just as many scary stories. Cruise titles at the local book shop and it’s obvious that many women, as they get older, drop off the libido cliff. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking what the libido lacks is made up in travel to exotic lands. (Now you know why cruise ships are so popular).
First of all this isn’t so much an intimacy issue as an education in candor, or rather the lack of it. Complete honesty is not what on-line dating profiles are about. “Holy web-trick Batman!” Yes Robin, e-dating is closer to used car sales than bible study. Think of dating profiles as just the tiny tip of an iceberg - and consider the Titanic while you do so. The real persona is always buried far below the surface.
So if unabashed honesty can’t be relied upon are the e-dating services useful? Yes and no. They are a boon for the very shy or when someone is concentrated in their pursuit of a mate. For most of us in between these extremes the use of the information superhighway is a tremendous way to meet people. However no shopping for side by side burial plots until the sixth date! On-line profiles are most like a trailer for a movie, a little taste that may or may not reflect the flavor of the entire film. Expectations for the feature film are realistically tempered when it’s understood that the trailer is made to grab your attention and get you in the theater.
Truth be told, do we really ever know anyone? The reality is you can’t even begin to know someone until you sit face to face and soul to soul. Even after a lifetime, there will be mysteries that can never be unraveled. Have fun with the creative ad-campaigns in the world of the web, but after the initial attention-grabbing trailer get to know someone the old-fashioned way. Talk. Share stories. Listen. Then you can enjoy the experience while you get to know them – and maybe learn to love them.
Darling A-Loan, Boys and Girls; if you are swimming in the e-dating pool at least play by the few rules that do exist. The most important being, don’t put yourself out there if you are really not interested. Just because your well-meaning friends tell you should date doesn’t mean you should. It isn’t fair to you or anyone that might like to get to know you better. We may be entitled to the pursuit of happiness, but the cherry on the sundae takes more than a little work.
Have a naughty day!
Profile
Friday, February 26, 2010
Swimming in the e-dating pool
Dear Miss Kitty,
I am retired over 65 and alone. I have been trying to find a female companion on the internet dating services for nearly two years. I must be doing something wrong because I haven't found anyone for a long term relationship. I think the problem is age. Older women, post menopausal, do not seem interested in sex but most guys I know still want to have this level of intimacy. The women who give a clear message that they want to be intimate are at least 10-20 years younger, in their 50's. They don't want older men as they are worried about being the care giver when we get even older. But the men their age are looking for 30 year olds!! It looks like a Catch 22. Do you see a solution?
“Good Credit but A-loan”...Goleta
Dear Good Credit but A-loan,
As the cowboy said to the bull, “This ain’t my first rodeo!” MK’s inbox has more questions regarding the crazier-by-the-year dating world, then any other topic. Second only to infidelity, modern dating has more facets than the Hope Diamond and just as many scary stories. Cruise titles at the local book shop and it’s obvious that many women, as they get older, drop off the libido cliff. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking what the libido lacks is made up in travel to exotic lands. (Now you know why cruise ships are so popular).
First of all this isn’t so much an intimacy issue as an education in candor, or rather the lack of it. Complete honesty is not what on-line dating profiles are about. “Holy web-trick Batman!” Yes Robin, e-dating is closer to used car sales than bible study. Think of dating profiles as just the tiny tip of an iceberg - and consider the Titanic while you do so. The real persona is always buried far below the surface.
So if unabashed honesty can’t be relied upon are the e-dating services useful? Yes and no. They are a boon for the very shy or when someone is concentrated in their pursuit of a mate. For most of us in between these extremes the use of the information superhighway is a tremendous way to meet people. However no shopping for side by side burial plots until the sixth date! On-line profiles are most like a trailer for a movie, a little taste that may or may not reflect the flavor of the entire film. Expectations for the feature film are realistically tempered when it’s understood that the trailer is made to grab your attention and get you in the theater.
Truth be told, do we really ever know anyone? The reality is you can’t even begin to know someone until you sit face to face and soul to soul. Even after a lifetime, there will be mysteries that can never be unraveled. Have fun with the creative ad-campaigns in the world of the web, but after the initial attention-grabbing trailer get to know someone the old-fashioned way. Talk. Share stories. Listen. Then you can enjoy the experience while you get to know them – and maybe learn to love them.
Darling A-Loan, Boys and Girls; if you are swimming in the e-dating pool at least play by the few rules that do exist. The most important being, don’t put yourself out there if you are really not interested. Just because your well-meaning friends tell you should date doesn’t mean you should. It isn’t fair to you or anyone that might like to get to know you better. We may be entitled to the pursuit of happiness, but the cherry on the sundae takes more than a little work.
Have a naughty day!
I am retired over 65 and alone. I have been trying to find a female companion on the internet dating services for nearly two years. I must be doing something wrong because I haven't found anyone for a long term relationship. I think the problem is age. Older women, post menopausal, do not seem interested in sex but most guys I know still want to have this level of intimacy. The women who give a clear message that they want to be intimate are at least 10-20 years younger, in their 50's. They don't want older men as they are worried about being the care giver when we get even older. But the men their age are looking for 30 year olds!! It looks like a Catch 22. Do you see a solution?
“Good Credit but A-loan”...Goleta
Dear Good Credit but A-loan,
As the cowboy said to the bull, “This ain’t my first rodeo!” MK’s inbox has more questions regarding the crazier-by-the-year dating world, then any other topic. Second only to infidelity, modern dating has more facets than the Hope Diamond and just as many scary stories. Cruise titles at the local book shop and it’s obvious that many women, as they get older, drop off the libido cliff. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking what the libido lacks is made up in travel to exotic lands. (Now you know why cruise ships are so popular).
First of all this isn’t so much an intimacy issue as an education in candor, or rather the lack of it. Complete honesty is not what on-line dating profiles are about. “Holy web-trick Batman!” Yes Robin, e-dating is closer to used car sales than bible study. Think of dating profiles as just the tiny tip of an iceberg - and consider the Titanic while you do so. The real persona is always buried far below the surface.
So if unabashed honesty can’t be relied upon are the e-dating services useful? Yes and no. They are a boon for the very shy or when someone is concentrated in their pursuit of a mate. For most of us in between these extremes the use of the information superhighway is a tremendous way to meet people. However no shopping for side by side burial plots until the sixth date! On-line profiles are most like a trailer for a movie, a little taste that may or may not reflect the flavor of the entire film. Expectations for the feature film are realistically tempered when it’s understood that the trailer is made to grab your attention and get you in the theater.
Truth be told, do we really ever know anyone? The reality is you can’t even begin to know someone until you sit face to face and soul to soul. Even after a lifetime, there will be mysteries that can never be unraveled. Have fun with the creative ad-campaigns in the world of the web, but after the initial attention-grabbing trailer get to know someone the old-fashioned way. Talk. Share stories. Listen. Then you can enjoy the experience while you get to know them – and maybe learn to love them.
Darling A-Loan, Boys and Girls; if you are swimming in the e-dating pool at least play by the few rules that do exist. The most important being, don’t put yourself out there if you are really not interested. Just because your well-meaning friends tell you should date doesn’t mean you should. It isn’t fair to you or anyone that might like to get to know you better. We may be entitled to the pursuit of happiness, but the cherry on the sundae takes more than a little work.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, February 19, 2010
Getting him off the couch and out of the house
Dear Miss Kitty,
I am 47 years old and am now in my second marriage. My new husband is very kind and thoughtful but he seems to be quite happy spending every evening sitting in front of the TV until bedtime. He hardly talks, just sits there laughing at the funny parts of the shows. I have asked him if he'd like to do something else but he just mutters and goes on watching. It seems if I don't organize a social life we'll never do anything outside the home. I might as well be home alone! My question, Miss Kitty, is how can I get him to understand that I need to get out and want to do that with him?
Tired of puzzles! Santa Barbara
Dear Puzzles,
Along with lipsticks that don’t stay put, dirty paw prints on new dresses and tax time, there is also the intense frustration that goes along with having a great partner and still feeling lonely. The battle cry from more women than men is they want and need a social life within the confines of marital bliss. Could it be that women are more sensitive to the feeling of nothingness that pervades the evenings if they are not "doing something"? Is the empty feeling a sign of more than transitory discontent? When one is reduced to putting back together perfectly nice pictures that have been cut up into a thousand pieces, maybe it is time for something different.
If loneliness descends along with the darkness, and going out temporarily takes that feeling away, it might only be the desire to add a bit of spice to what has been a fulfilling relationship. Putting a crystal ball to good use, one can see that this malady of a fatigued femme started because men were away chasing the wild beasts while the women were back in the cave chatting while grinding nuts for dinner.
Once home, the men were physically exhausted and all they wanted to do was to sit in front of the fire and eat pieces of dead animals. (Beer came later). The women would have loved to be able to say “let's go down to the river and watch the wooly mammoths”. But NOOOO they couldn't do this because the men wanted to do nothing but dose in front of the fire. The women also had to stay handy since soon the men would want their nightly “sleeping aid”. Now doubly exhausted the men would drop into a somnambulant posture and the woman would lay awake listening for crying kids, feeding them , and maybe catching a short dream called "A beautiful sunset on the River that I will see tomorrow or the next day or the next".
Life has gone on pretty much unchanged after 100,000 years or so. Going out sans husband, with a happy friend or two, is one place to start. A movie, adult education, or even just traipsing though a nearby town can all start putting the zip back into a life gone to Snoozeville. The most important thing here is get back to experiencing life and stop waiting for “Ug”. If Ug notices you going, smile and say that you'll be back in time for bed and “have a nice evening”. Word to the wise, even if you are feeling a bit peevish from the years or months of neglect, come home on the agreed upon time.
Venturing forth on your own is the only way to remedy the situation. Rule number one: discussing this will get you nowhere. If he really understood he would have already noticed that while he was watching “faux life in a box”, you were pacing like a hungry lioness salivating from social frustration.
Making changes to the status quo is a great way to get his attention - just resist explaining why you went out. Remember rule number one? Just be as loving as usual and kiss him a fond goodnight. Don’t put your pink highlighter away just yet; this is only part of the equation. Next you are going to get him to ask to go out with you, without the friends in tow. It will take repeating the going out part at least five times before he thinks of initiating leaving the cave, all by himself.
Darling Puzzles, Boys and Girls; Man is stuck with a worm-hole size lack of knowledge about himself until he is willing to learn beyond the obvious effects of his actions (or lack of them). Then new thought patterns can be established and behavior can change with time. It is true. Thought patterns of fun with The Mrs. can co-exist with the oh-so-well defined male provider patterns from time immemorial.
Have a naughty day!
I am 47 years old and am now in my second marriage. My new husband is very kind and thoughtful but he seems to be quite happy spending every evening sitting in front of the TV until bedtime. He hardly talks, just sits there laughing at the funny parts of the shows. I have asked him if he'd like to do something else but he just mutters and goes on watching. It seems if I don't organize a social life we'll never do anything outside the home. I might as well be home alone! My question, Miss Kitty, is how can I get him to understand that I need to get out and want to do that with him?
Tired of puzzles! Santa Barbara
Dear Puzzles,
Along with lipsticks that don’t stay put, dirty paw prints on new dresses and tax time, there is also the intense frustration that goes along with having a great partner and still feeling lonely. The battle cry from more women than men is they want and need a social life within the confines of marital bliss. Could it be that women are more sensitive to the feeling of nothingness that pervades the evenings if they are not "doing something"? Is the empty feeling a sign of more than transitory discontent? When one is reduced to putting back together perfectly nice pictures that have been cut up into a thousand pieces, maybe it is time for something different.
If loneliness descends along with the darkness, and going out temporarily takes that feeling away, it might only be the desire to add a bit of spice to what has been a fulfilling relationship. Putting a crystal ball to good use, one can see that this malady of a fatigued femme started because men were away chasing the wild beasts while the women were back in the cave chatting while grinding nuts for dinner.
Once home, the men were physically exhausted and all they wanted to do was to sit in front of the fire and eat pieces of dead animals. (Beer came later). The women would have loved to be able to say “let's go down to the river and watch the wooly mammoths”. But NOOOO they couldn't do this because the men wanted to do nothing but dose in front of the fire. The women also had to stay handy since soon the men would want their nightly “sleeping aid”. Now doubly exhausted the men would drop into a somnambulant posture and the woman would lay awake listening for crying kids, feeding them , and maybe catching a short dream called "A beautiful sunset on the River that I will see tomorrow or the next day or the next".
Life has gone on pretty much unchanged after 100,000 years or so. Going out sans husband, with a happy friend or two, is one place to start. A movie, adult education, or even just traipsing though a nearby town can all start putting the zip back into a life gone to Snoozeville. The most important thing here is get back to experiencing life and stop waiting for “Ug”. If Ug notices you going, smile and say that you'll be back in time for bed and “have a nice evening”. Word to the wise, even if you are feeling a bit peevish from the years or months of neglect, come home on the agreed upon time.
Venturing forth on your own is the only way to remedy the situation. Rule number one: discussing this will get you nowhere. If he really understood he would have already noticed that while he was watching “faux life in a box”, you were pacing like a hungry lioness salivating from social frustration.
Making changes to the status quo is a great way to get his attention - just resist explaining why you went out. Remember rule number one? Just be as loving as usual and kiss him a fond goodnight. Don’t put your pink highlighter away just yet; this is only part of the equation. Next you are going to get him to ask to go out with you, without the friends in tow. It will take repeating the going out part at least five times before he thinks of initiating leaving the cave, all by himself.
Darling Puzzles, Boys and Girls; Man is stuck with a worm-hole size lack of knowledge about himself until he is willing to learn beyond the obvious effects of his actions (or lack of them). Then new thought patterns can be established and behavior can change with time. It is true. Thought patterns of fun with The Mrs. can co-exist with the oh-so-well defined male provider patterns from time immemorial.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, February 12, 2010
Speak up for cupid’s sake
Dear Miss Kitty,
For my entire 39 year marriage I told my husband that Valentine’s Day wasn’t important to me. Well, he took me at my word. My husband isn’t here anymore and one of things I wish that I had done differently is let him know that romance was something that I really liked. At the time it seemed more important to save the money and not put my husband out, but perhaps he also lost out on the good feeling that comes with making someone else happy. I just wanted to share my thoughts and thought this might be a good topic for your column. Thank you for listening.
C.V. SANTA BARBARA
Dear C,
As a student of love I frequently take the beast, tie it to a table and under the harsh glare of focused intensity dissect it down to manageable components. While under the scrutiny of single minded inspection, love - like death - becomes one of the few things that will continually vacillate between the purest of simple concepts and the multicolored tangle that is utter confusion. Is it possible to fully comprehend love? Can one ever know what love feels like for another? Like a fluffy white rabbit hiding in a top hat, can romance disappear without a magic trick to tempt it forth? Whatever love claims, it doesn’t pretend to be other than what it is: the greatest opportunity for human expression possible.
It is easy to trivialize our romantic needs in favor of the practicalities of life. We all know we do it far too often. That is why it takes a red letter day, like Valentine’s to remember to stop and feel the lace. The commonsensical can also confuse us into denying the pleasure that comes from doing something for someone loved. Pleasure is always felt more keenly by the giver than the receiver, and yet we hasten to lighten the load that our fragile desires might place upon another. Ever notice a kid’s face when presenting a mud pie? Enough said.
When we dampen our awareness of what feeds us in the name of “real life” we do a disservice to the deepest realms of our child-like psyche. The indispensible often overlooked part of us that needs to play and be playful. For romance is just another word for playtime.
I often write of saying yes when we mean no and why it is so important to find our real voice to say when we really mean. But as much as we need to learn the joy in being authentic when we don’t want to do something, it is equally important to acknowledge the opposite. Saying no to a moon light walk, a pink donut covered with silver sprinkles or a romantic little something is like telling a child “no” to a secretly coveted red balloon. The innocent inside of us will think about the balloon that never was long after the once a year balloon seller has left the building.
Heartfelt abandon is anything but practical. But who is to say that unabashed happiness isn’t practical? When the act of smiling into the mirror first thing in the morning truly influences the next 23 hours, the practical application of a most awesome power comes to mind. This is our choice and capacity to direct our future thoughts and actions toward those we love - and therefore change the outcome of what could be.
Darling C, Boys and Girls; this is your homework to be completed over the next couple of days: First thing in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. Next take fifteen minutes to stop and really feel the love you feel for someone. There is no need to think, just let the feeling sink in and enjoy the ride. Lastly, if there is something that you really want, something that makes you feel loved the way you want to be loved, speak up for cupid’s sake and say so.
Have a naughty day!
For my entire 39 year marriage I told my husband that Valentine’s Day wasn’t important to me. Well, he took me at my word. My husband isn’t here anymore and one of things I wish that I had done differently is let him know that romance was something that I really liked. At the time it seemed more important to save the money and not put my husband out, but perhaps he also lost out on the good feeling that comes with making someone else happy. I just wanted to share my thoughts and thought this might be a good topic for your column. Thank you for listening.
C.V. SANTA BARBARA
Dear C,
As a student of love I frequently take the beast, tie it to a table and under the harsh glare of focused intensity dissect it down to manageable components. While under the scrutiny of single minded inspection, love - like death - becomes one of the few things that will continually vacillate between the purest of simple concepts and the multicolored tangle that is utter confusion. Is it possible to fully comprehend love? Can one ever know what love feels like for another? Like a fluffy white rabbit hiding in a top hat, can romance disappear without a magic trick to tempt it forth? Whatever love claims, it doesn’t pretend to be other than what it is: the greatest opportunity for human expression possible.
It is easy to trivialize our romantic needs in favor of the practicalities of life. We all know we do it far too often. That is why it takes a red letter day, like Valentine’s to remember to stop and feel the lace. The commonsensical can also confuse us into denying the pleasure that comes from doing something for someone loved. Pleasure is always felt more keenly by the giver than the receiver, and yet we hasten to lighten the load that our fragile desires might place upon another. Ever notice a kid’s face when presenting a mud pie? Enough said.
When we dampen our awareness of what feeds us in the name of “real life” we do a disservice to the deepest realms of our child-like psyche. The indispensible often overlooked part of us that needs to play and be playful. For romance is just another word for playtime.
I often write of saying yes when we mean no and why it is so important to find our real voice to say when we really mean. But as much as we need to learn the joy in being authentic when we don’t want to do something, it is equally important to acknowledge the opposite. Saying no to a moon light walk, a pink donut covered with silver sprinkles or a romantic little something is like telling a child “no” to a secretly coveted red balloon. The innocent inside of us will think about the balloon that never was long after the once a year balloon seller has left the building.
Heartfelt abandon is anything but practical. But who is to say that unabashed happiness isn’t practical? When the act of smiling into the mirror first thing in the morning truly influences the next 23 hours, the practical application of a most awesome power comes to mind. This is our choice and capacity to direct our future thoughts and actions toward those we love - and therefore change the outcome of what could be.
Darling C, Boys and Girls; this is your homework to be completed over the next couple of days: First thing in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. Next take fifteen minutes to stop and really feel the love you feel for someone. There is no need to think, just let the feeling sink in and enjoy the ride. Lastly, if there is something that you really want, something that makes you feel loved the way you want to be loved, speak up for cupid’s sake and say so.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, February 5, 2010
Unfulfilled Promises
Dear Miss Kitty,
If someone says they will do something, and they don’t, is it because they never wanted to in the first place? All I can think is that this is the case with my husband. He frequently says he will do something, and then doesn’t. He always has a logical reason, forgot, works, etc. Maybe I am just being too harsh, since he is a really good guy, but it is frustrating. What can I do to make him follow through on his words?
Sarah, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Sarah,
As Valentine’s draws ever closer I would suggest that you banish the word “make” from your vocabulary pronto. Using Hallmark as a reasonable guide for what we can and can’t do, there is no line of cards presently available that use entreat or appeal, let alone implore, as a theme. Even hidden among cards that sing and cards that make ones stomach acid churn faster than a three day old burrito, the S and M division of Hallmark has yet to be created. And with good reason: both covert coercion and upfront demands will both eventually be rendered useless. No one can really make anyone do anything, Alfred Hitchcock movies aside.
So if we can’t get anywhere making someone else behave is there nothing left to do but put a cigarette in a long ebony holder and indulge in a morose but pouty posture hoping for a close up? Could such theatricals elicit a useful response? Health concerns aside, no one is likely to do anything except bring you a cocktail circa 1930 and let you get on with it. If you want to be alone, this foray into the pout zone will guarantee it.
So how can we make good decisions in our present moments if we are doing so without a leading man or women holding our hand, when we want them to? Let alone taking the garbage out into the sunset? Sometime looking backwards is the fastest way to go forward. Fast forward that is. When someone makes agreements and promises, casual or otherwise and consistently breaks them, the pattern is set. Like going around a board (or shall we say bored game) that is no longer fun to play. Regardless of the issue, forgetfulness, lack of time or some other innocuous reason, the reality is that someone is saying yes when they mean no, or more likely when they don’t know what they mean.
Although sometimes charged with being an unforgiving feline, pattern behavior is an easy to read sign, like STOP and GO. There is never any doubt that there is a problem lurking underneath that easily said but never completed “yes”. As any horror movie buff knows, something hidden will eventually raise its frightening head and bite the nether regions.
A quickie response that isn’t entirely true doesn’t leave anyone lingering in happiness for long. A quickie yes, is never as good as a long, thought out “Certainly”. Taking one’s sweet time to answer even a simple request is the antidote to apathetic affirmations. Another remedy is making sure that the occasional “No’s” are heard with a red-carpet-worthy smile and no hidden animosity. Part and parcel of saying yes when one means no, is the fear that a straightforward, “No”, will not be accepted. The most effective way to get a real yes, that can be followed though with action, is cultivating a safe place for “No’s”.
Darling Sarah, Boys and Girls: if expectations are premeditated disappointments, then unfulfilled promises are what are better off being left on the cutting room floor. The pictures that are our lives are better off without all the images that disappointment and lack of faith conjure up. Therefore, try rewriting the script to better serve the entire cast - and maybe you and yours will win the Oscar of Love.
Have a naughty day!
If someone says they will do something, and they don’t, is it because they never wanted to in the first place? All I can think is that this is the case with my husband. He frequently says he will do something, and then doesn’t. He always has a logical reason, forgot, works, etc. Maybe I am just being too harsh, since he is a really good guy, but it is frustrating. What can I do to make him follow through on his words?
Sarah, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Sarah,
As Valentine’s draws ever closer I would suggest that you banish the word “make” from your vocabulary pronto. Using Hallmark as a reasonable guide for what we can and can’t do, there is no line of cards presently available that use entreat or appeal, let alone implore, as a theme. Even hidden among cards that sing and cards that make ones stomach acid churn faster than a three day old burrito, the S and M division of Hallmark has yet to be created. And with good reason: both covert coercion and upfront demands will both eventually be rendered useless. No one can really make anyone do anything, Alfred Hitchcock movies aside.
So if we can’t get anywhere making someone else behave is there nothing left to do but put a cigarette in a long ebony holder and indulge in a morose but pouty posture hoping for a close up? Could such theatricals elicit a useful response? Health concerns aside, no one is likely to do anything except bring you a cocktail circa 1930 and let you get on with it. If you want to be alone, this foray into the pout zone will guarantee it.
So how can we make good decisions in our present moments if we are doing so without a leading man or women holding our hand, when we want them to? Let alone taking the garbage out into the sunset? Sometime looking backwards is the fastest way to go forward. Fast forward that is. When someone makes agreements and promises, casual or otherwise and consistently breaks them, the pattern is set. Like going around a board (or shall we say bored game) that is no longer fun to play. Regardless of the issue, forgetfulness, lack of time or some other innocuous reason, the reality is that someone is saying yes when they mean no, or more likely when they don’t know what they mean.
Although sometimes charged with being an unforgiving feline, pattern behavior is an easy to read sign, like STOP and GO. There is never any doubt that there is a problem lurking underneath that easily said but never completed “yes”. As any horror movie buff knows, something hidden will eventually raise its frightening head and bite the nether regions.
A quickie response that isn’t entirely true doesn’t leave anyone lingering in happiness for long. A quickie yes, is never as good as a long, thought out “Certainly”. Taking one’s sweet time to answer even a simple request is the antidote to apathetic affirmations. Another remedy is making sure that the occasional “No’s” are heard with a red-carpet-worthy smile and no hidden animosity. Part and parcel of saying yes when one means no, is the fear that a straightforward, “No”, will not be accepted. The most effective way to get a real yes, that can be followed though with action, is cultivating a safe place for “No’s”.
Darling Sarah, Boys and Girls: if expectations are premeditated disappointments, then unfulfilled promises are what are better off being left on the cutting room floor. The pictures that are our lives are better off without all the images that disappointment and lack of faith conjure up. Therefore, try rewriting the script to better serve the entire cast - and maybe you and yours will win the Oscar of Love.
Have a naughty day!
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