When the negative is less than the positive

Dear Miss Kitty,
My wife and I got into another disagreement, yet again. We go from things being really good to impossible to live with. When do you know it's time to just call it a day?
Michael, SANTA BARBARA

Dear Michael,
At times skiing blindfolded in the Sahara Desert while being chased by slobbering rabid wolves can be more comfortable than being involved in a relationship. With all the ups and downs that can be sometimes it feels like an insane journey without even a souvenir T- Shirt to show for all the hard work. Have we convinced ourselves as a society that a rocky road is not only an ice-cream but an acceptable way of living?

If one believes in the values that stand behind the concept of a relationship -when it is bad it can feel like we are forced to buy the ticket, forced to go on the ride and get no guarantee's that the ride will be a tremendous. I happen to know the camel whose back was broken by the straw. In fact during the interview the camel told me, it had nothing to do with straw. That was just spun for the benefit of the liberal media. The broken back was due to years of neglect, dirty hay and nothing to drink but scant amounts of tepid water.

If we could let go of the preconceived idea that the benefits of a relationship outweigh almost any negative that happens (especially the repetitive ones) there would be less hurt less often. It seems we are more comfortable with giving relationships chance after chance to the point of insanity then trying something different, often to the determent of all parties concerned. To accept and release what is not a constructive way of living can be the most rewarding choice after all.
The best way to not get sand kicked in your face is to look at the self since there is no way anyone changes anyone else. Not for better or worse. Whether the storm is blowing hot or cold, this can be a hard road and it is near to impossible to know if it will ever improve. The blessing in disguise is that during adversity we can get really strong and be able to see the truth of whom we are and what we want.
Darling Michael, Boys and Girls, it's really basic math. When the positive is less than the negative change becomes possible. Making a structure for ourselves and knowing we are just fine regardless of the leaving is what safeguards us from feeling like victims. When we can look deeply into our reality, as it is, not as we would like to be, we can see why we made the choices we did. That is the key in preventing patterns of discontent and a happily ever after.

Our lives are chapters in a book, scenes in a movie, and seasons within a year. Even the most defining edges, like death or divorce eventually become blurred as we move forth. Thus the imperative need to move continually forward even if it feels like all we are doing is crawling.
Have a naughty day!

The lure of zero-calorie cherry pie

Dear Miss Kitty,
I broke up with my girl friend a few months ago and I think I made a mistake. We broke up because she wanted to get more serious and I didn't. Now that she is gone, I realize how much she really means to me. I have tried to talk with her but she says she isn't interested and has moved on. How can I get her to know that I am ready to be serious and want to try again?
K.S. SANTA BARBARA


Dear K.S,
The lure of time travel is right up there with zero-calorie cherry pie and free private jets, and if there was ever a time when turning back the clock would be on par with cheesecake for breakfast, that time is now. The would have's and should have's that run rampant, like a crazy little monkey jumping to reach a just-out-of-reach banana, can turn our brains and our insides into mush.

When our brains and insides have turned to mush, not only are they of little use to us, they are of no use to the woman or man that has moved on. Too little to late has not only the ring of many a lyric, but the firm tones of done, finished and terminated. Does this mean within the finality of “moved on” she might change her mind? Could she possibly, after the burning pain of being dumped has worn off, be tempted to put her heart in the fire once again? Riddle me this Batman: If a person was too immature to realize the gem they had then (except for the loss of that stellar someone), what exactly has changed now? Why in the world would she want to change her mind?

It is common when the sheets have been changed to the color of lonely not to miss the sleepy Minx or Manx that used to recline upon them. All change is difficult and we as humans seem to have a huge reluctance to embrace it. Better the devil-we-know than the devil-we-don't is all but part of the National Anthem. So say can you see that by the dawns early light, in a month or two that perhaps the mistake you think you have made might just come down to accepting the transition of what has been put into motion - and that particular segment of your life is over?

Always one to entertain the least of all possible possibilities, lets say that a mistake was really a mistake. Always a favorite movie theme, that cubic zirconium that was right in your hand was really a diamond! In that case, you can just accept right now that working on yourself is all you can do. Skip the fancy bouquets and 2am texting - If she is a self-respecting person she is never going to believe anything except what she can see with her own eyes. She is also going to need her own sweet time in which to view the actions of this newly aware man - and on her terms if any.

Darling K.S, Boys and Girls, when in a relationship, avoiding critical mistakes is like knowing the owners of a Vegas casino. Lots of freebieswhen you honestly screw up. However, when one is rolling dice and doesn't know the pit boss, let alone the time of day, the odds of winning are only slightly better than finding that cherry pie with 0 calories.
Have a naughty day!