Darling Boys and Girls,
In the spirit of Halloween, when we willingly shun the everyday and venture in the unknown without trepidation or fear perhaps you have the courage for a true horror story.
The wind was howling and the lights flickered as the power threatened to go out. Eventually it did, but she lit a dusty old candle which sparked and then settled down. She looked around to get her bearings in the haunting silence. Chilled to the very bones that she called home, she laid out her life and called to the spirits that on this one very special night -might just answer her pleas. She called to the night that she would do anything if someone would answer her. Maybe even save her. A dark presence entered the room, now bathed in shadow,and a disembodied voice that was far from human, began to speak.
“Everyone has haunted rooms in the mansion they call their mind. Everyone has ghosts from the past and ghosts yet to be born. The dark spirits that haunt our present, appear as fathom- less opportunists of lost moments gone horribly wrong. When the repressed screams of nightmares and gut-wrenching visions sustained through out the day can no longer be contained, the evil that is good gone wrong, can finally be vanquished. Peace is possible.”
The fragile flame was no match for the eerie wind that without warning blew through the room and plunged the already dimly lit space into utter blackness. The spirit had gone. It had said all that was needed. As she sat in gloomy quiet the absolute certainty of the chilling words slowly sank down into the once brilliant dwelling of her consciousness, before it had become dank with secrets and littered with regrets. The truth, that the sector of pain and torment that resided in her thoughts, that had laid claim to her very soul, would be there forever, unless she would set them free. There was nothing to do but faced the concealed demons and bring down without remorse, the nebulous hellions that accumulate without notice.
The mystic night had presented a rare gift from the unseen and all knowing world that lives in parallel with ours. Priceless knowledge is rarely given and the spirit that gave the gift expected it to be used well. In fact the agreed upon price was very fair. Knowledge in exchange for action. For the spirit she had summoned could move to the next realm of truth, if one human would change their personal destiny when given the key to true happiness -the ultimate release from self torment in it's myriad forms.
As she sat, in sober reflection, but without belief, a single blood red thread of fear and doubt snaked it's way around her throat. Her hands rose up to release the little thread which was slowly choking off her ability to call out for help. She struggled for her last breath, but the thread tightened it's grip and the dim light faded to nothingness. She died as she had lived, in silent fear and great remorse.
Have a naughty Halloween.
Profile
Friday, October 30, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Shacking up and shaken down
Dear Miss Kitty,
My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago and now although I still love him, I think it was too soon to set up house together. We are both in our early 20’s. Do you think the relationship will survive if we go back to dating and living apart?
Betty R.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes an adjustment works and sometimes it is just putting off the inevitable. The real question is how to determine which is which? When we find ourselves feeling that our relationship choices (either the actual person or the current living configuration) aren’t working, does it mean that what we have- isn’t really what we wanted? When we jumped too far, too fast, can we go back to the beginning and try something different? Truth is always stranger than fiction, so could incompatibility really be a lucky break that allows the dodging of a future bullet like a get-away-car just outside the Chapel of Love?
Just because matching towels look cute and painting a room together can turn into a steamy scene in an R- rated movie, doesn’t mean living together is going to be an accurate test of a relationship’s future potential - and therefore living together is nothing to undertake lightly. Living together is not dating 24-7! Dating means seeing each other when it is convenient with all parties, and generally there is prior notice. Every part of life goes on hold while the date is on. Nice work if you can get it! Living together means you are available most of the time and real life never goes on hold. Part and parcel of living together is realizing the reality is it is what it is and it is pretty good most of the time.
Living with someone, married or not, takes more than just a desire to be together. It takes a sophisticated level of maturity on many levels. It means a lot of wholehearted compromise and adjustment. Depending on where you are in your life, priorities are something that need to be accurately clarified up front. Are you a night owl that needs a constant supply of night life? Is your book-worm partner really alright with that? The basics that come into play when living with someone are bound to rear up and want some attention as well. It is the nature of the beast. Little old things like bills, groceries, and laundry are going to push hot dates, lazy mornings and that devil-may-care attitude right out the window.
Does that mean that once you live together, fun is only for New Year’s Eve and every other birthday? Of course not! But it does mean that life now entails more than just a moment to moment existence which is all about fun. With all of that in the mix it isn’t surprising that shacking up shakes things up faster than a bartender making a drink for 007!
Darling Betty, and Boys and Girls, except for a few roller coasters, nothing comes to mind that goes backwards. Like the rising and setting of the sun, there are natural orders and that must be observed. Whether we like it or not, life moves in a forward progression. We flow in and out of experiences to benefit our continued understanding of the human experience.
There is everything right with making adjustments. We really need to be more comfortable and aware of correcting as we go along instead of waiting until a crisis forces us to change. Change made for crisis alone is impossible to sustain. Betty, moving apart generally doesn’t bring anyone closer - and before you take that step, know that it is never too late to talk things out and see what will make both of you happy in the short and long run.
Have a naughty day!
My boyfriend and I moved in together a few months ago and now although I still love him, I think it was too soon to set up house together. We are both in our early 20’s. Do you think the relationship will survive if we go back to dating and living apart?
Betty R.
When it comes to relationships, sometimes an adjustment works and sometimes it is just putting off the inevitable. The real question is how to determine which is which? When we find ourselves feeling that our relationship choices (either the actual person or the current living configuration) aren’t working, does it mean that what we have- isn’t really what we wanted? When we jumped too far, too fast, can we go back to the beginning and try something different? Truth is always stranger than fiction, so could incompatibility really be a lucky break that allows the dodging of a future bullet like a get-away-car just outside the Chapel of Love?
Just because matching towels look cute and painting a room together can turn into a steamy scene in an R- rated movie, doesn’t mean living together is going to be an accurate test of a relationship’s future potential - and therefore living together is nothing to undertake lightly. Living together is not dating 24-7! Dating means seeing each other when it is convenient with all parties, and generally there is prior notice. Every part of life goes on hold while the date is on. Nice work if you can get it! Living together means you are available most of the time and real life never goes on hold. Part and parcel of living together is realizing the reality is it is what it is and it is pretty good most of the time.
Living with someone, married or not, takes more than just a desire to be together. It takes a sophisticated level of maturity on many levels. It means a lot of wholehearted compromise and adjustment. Depending on where you are in your life, priorities are something that need to be accurately clarified up front. Are you a night owl that needs a constant supply of night life? Is your book-worm partner really alright with that? The basics that come into play when living with someone are bound to rear up and want some attention as well. It is the nature of the beast. Little old things like bills, groceries, and laundry are going to push hot dates, lazy mornings and that devil-may-care attitude right out the window.
Does that mean that once you live together, fun is only for New Year’s Eve and every other birthday? Of course not! But it does mean that life now entails more than just a moment to moment existence which is all about fun. With all of that in the mix it isn’t surprising that shacking up shakes things up faster than a bartender making a drink for 007!
Darling Betty, and Boys and Girls, except for a few roller coasters, nothing comes to mind that goes backwards. Like the rising and setting of the sun, there are natural orders and that must be observed. Whether we like it or not, life moves in a forward progression. We flow in and out of experiences to benefit our continued understanding of the human experience.
There is everything right with making adjustments. We really need to be more comfortable and aware of correcting as we go along instead of waiting until a crisis forces us to change. Change made for crisis alone is impossible to sustain. Betty, moving apart generally doesn’t bring anyone closer - and before you take that step, know that it is never too late to talk things out and see what will make both of you happy in the short and long run.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, October 16, 2009
Cutting onions and taking chances
Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since I was 19. Nothing is really wrong with us, I just think I need to experience a bit more of life before I settle down. The thing is I am scared I am making a mistake by moving on since he really is a great guy, but on the other hand, I don’t want to get 10 years down the road with any regrets. How can you decide without making a mistake?
Lisette
Dear Lisette,
When preparing an onion for cooking, you can have a variety of experiences. You can just lay into the fragrant orb, cleaver-a-whirling and depending on the onion, cry a little or cry a lot. You can chill the many layered veggie to reduce the possibility of its eye smarting noxious fumes, or you can buy it pre-chopped and frozen and escape the possibilities of tears altogether (good-bye connecting with your potential culinary genius). The most important thing to note is that regardless of what you do, there are more possibilities than you could ever have imagined in terms of the actual experience, but in the end, experience and tissues aside, you end up with a mound of chopped, diced or sliced onion.
When deciding on life’s various paths, we walk the walk of the onion, not the onion chopper. For the onion is unlimited in its layer upon layer of translucent possibilities. Gently and slowly peeled, abruptly severed to get to the next step as quickly as possible, or growing right out of the cooking pot and into a healthy little plant waving in the wind.
There are no rights or wrongs here, just different choices. The part of the choice that keeps you grounded and lets you know that - although difficult or fraught with feelings - it is the correct one for you, is when you take the time to feel and sit with your decision, whatever it is. Making decisions based on the possibilities for the future is sensible when it comes to investing in the stock market, but makes little sense when it comes to emotional investments. You can only really know without-a-doubt where you are and how you feel today, in the present moment after much self-reflection.
Darling Lisette, Boys and Girls, being in a place where you are wrestling with a decision based on the possibility that you will miss out on something that has yet to be, is a good indication that change is imminent in one form or another. How you choose to conduct yourself in regards to your personal behavior is as important as the actual decision itself. Maybe more so. There is no need to know all the answers before you proceed and that's a good thing-since you can never have the whole enchilada anyway. Let the events unfold like peeling layers of an onion as you gently find your way toward resolution. Remember that with change always come strong feelings that, although uncomfortable, you are better off really experiencing – instead of chilling them or hiding under packaging so as not to feel them deeply and fearfully avoid the inevitable tears. Food for thought?
There are countless decisions that can be rescinded upon reflection and review and there is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. In the course of searching for something better-we try on clothes, relationships and governments-to see if they fit. Sometimes change works and sometimes it doesn't. Rarely does the glass slipper fit the first time.
Have a naughty day!
I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, since I was 19. Nothing is really wrong with us, I just think I need to experience a bit more of life before I settle down. The thing is I am scared I am making a mistake by moving on since he really is a great guy, but on the other hand, I don’t want to get 10 years down the road with any regrets. How can you decide without making a mistake?
Lisette
Dear Lisette,
When preparing an onion for cooking, you can have a variety of experiences. You can just lay into the fragrant orb, cleaver-a-whirling and depending on the onion, cry a little or cry a lot. You can chill the many layered veggie to reduce the possibility of its eye smarting noxious fumes, or you can buy it pre-chopped and frozen and escape the possibilities of tears altogether (good-bye connecting with your potential culinary genius). The most important thing to note is that regardless of what you do, there are more possibilities than you could ever have imagined in terms of the actual experience, but in the end, experience and tissues aside, you end up with a mound of chopped, diced or sliced onion.
When deciding on life’s various paths, we walk the walk of the onion, not the onion chopper. For the onion is unlimited in its layer upon layer of translucent possibilities. Gently and slowly peeled, abruptly severed to get to the next step as quickly as possible, or growing right out of the cooking pot and into a healthy little plant waving in the wind.
There are no rights or wrongs here, just different choices. The part of the choice that keeps you grounded and lets you know that - although difficult or fraught with feelings - it is the correct one for you, is when you take the time to feel and sit with your decision, whatever it is. Making decisions based on the possibilities for the future is sensible when it comes to investing in the stock market, but makes little sense when it comes to emotional investments. You can only really know without-a-doubt where you are and how you feel today, in the present moment after much self-reflection.
Darling Lisette, Boys and Girls, being in a place where you are wrestling with a decision based on the possibility that you will miss out on something that has yet to be, is a good indication that change is imminent in one form or another. How you choose to conduct yourself in regards to your personal behavior is as important as the actual decision itself. Maybe more so. There is no need to know all the answers before you proceed and that's a good thing-since you can never have the whole enchilada anyway. Let the events unfold like peeling layers of an onion as you gently find your way toward resolution. Remember that with change always come strong feelings that, although uncomfortable, you are better off really experiencing – instead of chilling them or hiding under packaging so as not to feel them deeply and fearfully avoid the inevitable tears. Food for thought?
There are countless decisions that can be rescinded upon reflection and review and there is nothing wrong with admitting you made a mistake. In the course of searching for something better-we try on clothes, relationships and governments-to see if they fit. Sometimes change works and sometimes it doesn't. Rarely does the glass slipper fit the first time.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, October 9, 2009
Looking and the 20 second rule
Dear Miss Kitty,
My girlfriend says it is really rude that I look at other women. She says that I am being disrespectful of her. I told her I love her and guys just look at attractive women. That is how it is, it has always been that way and basically we can't help it. She reads your column so could you tell her that it is normal and not to worry about it. Thanks.
Jeff, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Jeff,
Of course I will tell her that a man looking at women is normal and that you “just can't help it”. Are there any other things that you would like me to lie to her about while I’m at it? Since I already feel the flames of hell licking at my high heels for pretending to defend you, shall I also tell her that you are the man of her dreams and she should bow, scrape and be eternally grateful for having such a highly educated man in her life? By the way Jeff, since we have left planet earth and are entirely in the realm of fantasy, let me enlighten you on a few of the myths that thrive in the manure-laden pastures of common thought…
It is a universally held belief that boys will be boys and look at girls. When boys are boys and not attached men, they can respectfully check out the opposite sex. So can girls. Oh my goodness Jeff - did you just drop your Corona? With a sterile goat as my witness, know and believe this: Girls look, leer and lust as much as boys do! Girls however, tend to do it with a bit more finesse. With adroit cleverness they gaze upon many a handsome creature - however the man-cake on display never feels anything, since she is subtle. Hello! Subtle! On the other hand, boys (and men that think like boys), rarely master the art of a simple look. It becomes an ogling, eye-popping, tongue-dragging foray into Estrogen Valley, where the natives are friendly - but don't take kindly to being objectified and sexualized. For damn good reasons women are always more than just a piece of ass - and if men had any sense they would grasp that and stop making excuses for immature behavior.
Does that mean that when in the company of a partner that we should exchange our Blackberry for a white cane and shuffle along the sidewalk, stooped over and head-hanging? Should we avert our eyes just in case we’re caught “not-looking?” Can we only notice naked models of perfection when they are Greek, made of stone and at least 2000 years old? Heavens no! As humans, part of our natural instinct is noticing what is attractive in our surroundings - be it human, excellent shoes, or the way the light looks on a fall afternoon. Looking briefly and nicely and then moving on is what is acceptable and normal when in a relationship. Drooling or pretending not to drool but needing a bib is not acceptable. Here is a good rule of thumb: Remember the 2 second rule when food is dropped to the floor? It applies here as well, two seconds to look and then let go of any further thoughts.
Speaking of thoughts, my guess is that if Jeff looks when with her, he looks even more without her. What do you think? So, without further adieu, the always-popular, never without interesting examples- sob story (please use whiny voice when reading) “I just can't help it.” Break out the violins baby, because this is the last time Jeff (or any male) will be able to, with a clear conscience, pull that number out of his faded 501's!
With the strength of the unenlightened masses backing up the premise that “thoughts” don't matter, it is easy to rationalize away any and all guilt that what we think doesn't affect anyone else - let alone our own minds and psyche. What he or she doesn't know won't hurt him or her? Maybe Martha Stewart came up with that when she was out of crepe paper, chicken wire and gumdrops.
Thoughts are the most powerful things on the entire planet. They are the beginning and the end of all we know. Nothing except a true natural disaster is born without thought. Not an invention, a Nation, and certainly not a relationship of any value. Before love is an action, it is a thought. Even a kiss starts as a thought. Can anyone really believe anything else? All images and thoughts that enter the mind stay there forever. Just because the recall is sketchy doesn't mean that it doesn't exist lounging around in the gray matter, capable of causing something related to manifest. Even the thoughts we think we have control of show up as dreams, life choices and personal torments that are anything but fun.
Darling Jeff, Boys and Girls, Thoughts have the ability to impact us in more ways then there are visions to contemplate. The quick little fantasy of the brunette at Starbucks this morning glistens in the brain, the way a wedding band shines in the sunlight. It only takes the right stimulation to evoke the fantasy - or what’s behind the sparkle. We are either free, and truly in control of our thoughts (which now we know are reality in the making) or we are eternally no more than lab rats, being pushed and pulled by whatever is dropped into our cage.
Have a naughty day!
My girlfriend says it is really rude that I look at other women. She says that I am being disrespectful of her. I told her I love her and guys just look at attractive women. That is how it is, it has always been that way and basically we can't help it. She reads your column so could you tell her that it is normal and not to worry about it. Thanks.
Jeff, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Jeff,
Of course I will tell her that a man looking at women is normal and that you “just can't help it”. Are there any other things that you would like me to lie to her about while I’m at it? Since I already feel the flames of hell licking at my high heels for pretending to defend you, shall I also tell her that you are the man of her dreams and she should bow, scrape and be eternally grateful for having such a highly educated man in her life? By the way Jeff, since we have left planet earth and are entirely in the realm of fantasy, let me enlighten you on a few of the myths that thrive in the manure-laden pastures of common thought…
It is a universally held belief that boys will be boys and look at girls. When boys are boys and not attached men, they can respectfully check out the opposite sex. So can girls. Oh my goodness Jeff - did you just drop your Corona? With a sterile goat as my witness, know and believe this: Girls look, leer and lust as much as boys do! Girls however, tend to do it with a bit more finesse. With adroit cleverness they gaze upon many a handsome creature - however the man-cake on display never feels anything, since she is subtle. Hello! Subtle! On the other hand, boys (and men that think like boys), rarely master the art of a simple look. It becomes an ogling, eye-popping, tongue-dragging foray into Estrogen Valley, where the natives are friendly - but don't take kindly to being objectified and sexualized. For damn good reasons women are always more than just a piece of ass - and if men had any sense they would grasp that and stop making excuses for immature behavior.
Does that mean that when in the company of a partner that we should exchange our Blackberry for a white cane and shuffle along the sidewalk, stooped over and head-hanging? Should we avert our eyes just in case we’re caught “not-looking?” Can we only notice naked models of perfection when they are Greek, made of stone and at least 2000 years old? Heavens no! As humans, part of our natural instinct is noticing what is attractive in our surroundings - be it human, excellent shoes, or the way the light looks on a fall afternoon. Looking briefly and nicely and then moving on is what is acceptable and normal when in a relationship. Drooling or pretending not to drool but needing a bib is not acceptable. Here is a good rule of thumb: Remember the 2 second rule when food is dropped to the floor? It applies here as well, two seconds to look and then let go of any further thoughts.
Speaking of thoughts, my guess is that if Jeff looks when with her, he looks even more without her. What do you think? So, without further adieu, the always-popular, never without interesting examples- sob story (please use whiny voice when reading) “I just can't help it.” Break out the violins baby, because this is the last time Jeff (or any male) will be able to, with a clear conscience, pull that number out of his faded 501's!
With the strength of the unenlightened masses backing up the premise that “thoughts” don't matter, it is easy to rationalize away any and all guilt that what we think doesn't affect anyone else - let alone our own minds and psyche. What he or she doesn't know won't hurt him or her? Maybe Martha Stewart came up with that when she was out of crepe paper, chicken wire and gumdrops.
Thoughts are the most powerful things on the entire planet. They are the beginning and the end of all we know. Nothing except a true natural disaster is born without thought. Not an invention, a Nation, and certainly not a relationship of any value. Before love is an action, it is a thought. Even a kiss starts as a thought. Can anyone really believe anything else? All images and thoughts that enter the mind stay there forever. Just because the recall is sketchy doesn't mean that it doesn't exist lounging around in the gray matter, capable of causing something related to manifest. Even the thoughts we think we have control of show up as dreams, life choices and personal torments that are anything but fun.
Darling Jeff, Boys and Girls, Thoughts have the ability to impact us in more ways then there are visions to contemplate. The quick little fantasy of the brunette at Starbucks this morning glistens in the brain, the way a wedding band shines in the sunlight. It only takes the right stimulation to evoke the fantasy - or what’s behind the sparkle. We are either free, and truly in control of our thoughts (which now we know are reality in the making) or we are eternally no more than lab rats, being pushed and pulled by whatever is dropped into our cage.
Have a naughty day!
Friday, October 2, 2009
A very complicated yes
Dear Miss Kitty,
Something really bad happened between my husband and myself. He is working though the addiction that messed us up, but as hard as I try to “get over it” I can't. I am not usually one to hold a grudge but I can't help but be very sad and mad that what we lost is gone forever. Is there anything I can do to move forward?
Katie, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Katie,
Aside from investing a large portion of your stock portfolio in tissues the answer is yes but a very complicated yes and truth be told, not easily accomplished. Not without a degree from the University of Radical Acceptance. Throughout our existence life makes available countless situations with no guarantees what-so-ever. We willing line up and sign up for most of them. Children are a phenomenal example of our willingness to traipse into regions unknown. Regardless of whether the pregnancy is planned or a bit like finding out that there are no fireworks on the 5th of July, one knows where the 9 months are headed. Large capital expenditures of very small outfits, more bears and bunnies than a ring toss stand at the fair and a waist line worthy of a NFL line backer are all on the horizon.
We also know that at some point pain, lots of it, will be a known quantity. There is no magic meter to know if labor will be a easy walk in the park or a 36 hours long-death-in-the-face event. And that is the easy part. Years of dedication, serious monetary expenditure and sleepless nights that never really end. There are no guarantees though any of it that the experience will be wonderful and yet, with the worlds population hovering around 6.788 billion, obviously there is something about all the unknowns that we are willing to accept. Is it because we think we have control or is hope truly eternal?
Whether a child is born with special needs or evolves into a grown person with special needs why is there a distinction in how we view just what is and what is not “special?” Is a person born with a handicap so different from one that evolves with a handicap? When interacting with others, it seems that there is much less tolerance for the later. Is it because a physical, mental or emotional difference is easier to live with when we perceive it as innocently incurred? If a grown person has not learned the basic rules of kindergarten, to be kind, caring and honest, because “special needs” were never addressed, should it be any different than the allowances made for someone who was born without the ability to see? Aren't all afflictions and addictions innocently acquired?
Our culture now finds it acceptable, even a standard, to give every kid a ribbon just for participation. Has trying become the the new winning? If we can value learning above winning in a child's world, why can we not do the same for an adult? In a perfect world, maybe we could but in the one that most of us occupy, “getting over” a major relationship issue is damn hard work. Could raising a relationship be even harder than raising a child? Could it be because we think we have control or is hope truly eternal?
Darling Katie, Boys and Girls, embracing a comprehensive undertaking of forgiveness or understanding is a worthy goal, but when the emotions of anger and sadness are in full force it is impossible to apply both the concentration and intellect necessary. So for now, just leave it alone and live your life as you see fit. When the anger and sadness begin to fade, you can address the bigger cosmic issues at leisure with detachment and clarity. As grown ups we KNOW there are no guarantee's in life, especially in relationships, but the loss of anything that is priceless is difficult, regardless of the rational reasons why it shouldn't be. It doesn't make it any easier that loss of every kind has a haunting quality that relentlessly permeates hidden corners of the mind. It is heart breaking to realize that no matter what someone does to make up for something the hard reality is, they can't. “It” has become part of life.
Living in the present is a worthy goal, but the past is there as part of our experience and is a valuable teacher so we don't repeat our mistakes. The past counts in equal measure to the present. Do the math for yourself. The past and present will always equal the future.
Have a naughty day!
Something really bad happened between my husband and myself. He is working though the addiction that messed us up, but as hard as I try to “get over it” I can't. I am not usually one to hold a grudge but I can't help but be very sad and mad that what we lost is gone forever. Is there anything I can do to move forward?
Katie, SANTA BARBARA
Dear Katie,
Aside from investing a large portion of your stock portfolio in tissues the answer is yes but a very complicated yes and truth be told, not easily accomplished. Not without a degree from the University of Radical Acceptance. Throughout our existence life makes available countless situations with no guarantees what-so-ever. We willing line up and sign up for most of them. Children are a phenomenal example of our willingness to traipse into regions unknown. Regardless of whether the pregnancy is planned or a bit like finding out that there are no fireworks on the 5th of July, one knows where the 9 months are headed. Large capital expenditures of very small outfits, more bears and bunnies than a ring toss stand at the fair and a waist line worthy of a NFL line backer are all on the horizon.
We also know that at some point pain, lots of it, will be a known quantity. There is no magic meter to know if labor will be a easy walk in the park or a 36 hours long-death-in-the-face event. And that is the easy part. Years of dedication, serious monetary expenditure and sleepless nights that never really end. There are no guarantees though any of it that the experience will be wonderful and yet, with the worlds population hovering around 6.788 billion, obviously there is something about all the unknowns that we are willing to accept. Is it because we think we have control or is hope truly eternal?
Whether a child is born with special needs or evolves into a grown person with special needs why is there a distinction in how we view just what is and what is not “special?” Is a person born with a handicap so different from one that evolves with a handicap? When interacting with others, it seems that there is much less tolerance for the later. Is it because a physical, mental or emotional difference is easier to live with when we perceive it as innocently incurred? If a grown person has not learned the basic rules of kindergarten, to be kind, caring and honest, because “special needs” were never addressed, should it be any different than the allowances made for someone who was born without the ability to see? Aren't all afflictions and addictions innocently acquired?
Our culture now finds it acceptable, even a standard, to give every kid a ribbon just for participation. Has trying become the the new winning? If we can value learning above winning in a child's world, why can we not do the same for an adult? In a perfect world, maybe we could but in the one that most of us occupy, “getting over” a major relationship issue is damn hard work. Could raising a relationship be even harder than raising a child? Could it be because we think we have control or is hope truly eternal?
Darling Katie, Boys and Girls, embracing a comprehensive undertaking of forgiveness or understanding is a worthy goal, but when the emotions of anger and sadness are in full force it is impossible to apply both the concentration and intellect necessary. So for now, just leave it alone and live your life as you see fit. When the anger and sadness begin to fade, you can address the bigger cosmic issues at leisure with detachment and clarity. As grown ups we KNOW there are no guarantee's in life, especially in relationships, but the loss of anything that is priceless is difficult, regardless of the rational reasons why it shouldn't be. It doesn't make it any easier that loss of every kind has a haunting quality that relentlessly permeates hidden corners of the mind. It is heart breaking to realize that no matter what someone does to make up for something the hard reality is, they can't. “It” has become part of life.
Living in the present is a worthy goal, but the past is there as part of our experience and is a valuable teacher so we don't repeat our mistakes. The past counts in equal measure to the present. Do the math for yourself. The past and present will always equal the future.
Have a naughty day!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)