Dear Miss Kitty,
I recently met this man I really like and gave him my phone number. He called, has visited me at work, but hasn’t asked me out. My friends say I should ask him. I am a girlie-girl and have NEVER asked a guy out yet. It doesn’t feel right to me, but should I bite the bullet and just do it? My friends say yes, what do you say?
Shelley
Darling Shelley,
As terrified as I am, that thousands of old and badly burnt bras will rise up from a 60’s landfill and strangle me, do NOT ask him out. I firmly (love that word) believe that there is beautiful wisdom in respecting what is “natural” to our own gender, and acting within those boundaries. It makes the whole relationship dance much smoother when everyone involved knows what the steps are, and the steps make sense on so many levels. Even better than that, it feeds the deep and hidden part of us, which hasn’t been colored by popular thought on what is right and wrong for relationships, and operates on a level more harmonious with getting our deepest needs actually realized. Imagine that.
Being who we are and taking the time to work through exactly what that means, and how to “act it “, is what serves us best, within any of life’s areas, but especially when it comes to relationships. It takes more courage to accept and honor what it means to be a woman, or a man, then it does to play rebel and buck the system for sport, or think that we are actually improving the game. Like Monopoly, dating is best played when using the official rules. (Although at Miss Kitty’s house, using chocolate houses/hotels and eating them, is allowed)
Throughout history there has been so much confusion about what it means to be a man or a woman, so much turmoil, that the pendulum has swung hard enough in all directions to knock just about everything, including basic masculine and feminine behaviors and values, right off the pedestal and into the dirt.
In that mud bath, (although our skins are now silky and smooth), we have questioned basics and come up with complicated answers and behaviors, gone out of our way to “try on” new and improved operating procedures, when “simple” works so well. It is not anything but obvious that bra burning seemed like a good idea, but it has backfired in many ways and torching all that excellent support was just sad!
Confusion reigns when masculinity and femininity are misinterpreted as having something to do with intellect, ability or emotions. When in reality, they are comfortable countries in which to know the customs is to have a good time.
When a man asks you out, and you say yes, you put a fragile, sensitive and harder- than- you- would -think request, into a positively excellent place for both of you. Point #1 you know the man is interested in you without questions. #2 He knows that you are interested in him. If you did the asking, he might say yes for reasons that have nothing to do with really being interested in you. Odds are, you wouldn’t be so likely to do so. Being in touch with what is inherent in being a man or a woman, keeps a very delicate balance in place. It leaves men able to be men, real wonderful manly men. And women, if they so choose to be girlie-girls, with no apologies necessary.
I am sure that a deluge of email will follow this little number, but like a good black cocktail dress, which is ALWAYS being appropriate for evening, think it through before you get out the matches and the undergarments.
Have a naughty day!
Profile
Friday, November 30, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Mr. Johnson, Batman and the rituals of love
“Another bride, Another June; Another sunny honey moon. Another season, Another reason - For makin' whoopee. A lot of shoes, a lot of rice; the groom is nervous he answers twice. It’s so killin that he's so willin' - To make whoopee.”
To Miss Kitty, the shoe part has never made sense (unless this is the part where groom discovers bride's serious obsession with foot ware), but does the last refrain really tell it like it is?
A honeymoon, quoted 18th century writer, Samuel Johnson (or the 1769 version of Dr. Phil)…"is the first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure; having no reference to the period of a month, but comparing the mutual affection of newly-married persons to the changing moon which is no sooner full than it begins to wane". So… what happens when the honeymoon is over? Is “settling down”, settling? And if it is, settling for what exactly?
Throughout history, men and women have had some very different reasons for marriage. The evolution of what marriage means has also gone through some Cirque du Soleil style gyrations. Just what are the various roles that a husband and wife (or wife and wife or husband and husband) play? Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? Knowing your role, defining your part and embodying it on a daily basis, makes marriage a secure and safe harbor. There are schools of thought, (usually chaired by students playing with the concept of freedom) that say that true freedom has no rules. But rules actually allow us real freedom - and one of the rules of a successful relationship is really understanding your intimate role within it.
A loving partner, regardless of where one stands on the “business side” of a relationship, desires all the romantic aspects that are part and parcel of a long- term relationship. There are differences - and therein lie the ties that truly bind us, and confuse us.
To get really clear, lets start with the most basic and misunderstood desire of all: the desire of intimate loving. Believe it not, most woman hold that particular torch high up, just like the statue of liberty. This all-important flame cannot be quenched by financial comforts (or shoes) and there is a limit to what relationships outside the partnership can provide. (I am speaking of friends, and not THAT kind.)
When you choose a life-partner, there are attributes that must be part of the package. Put in another way, if you are choosing one golf buddy for the rest of your golfing career, they better know how to hit the ball into the hole. But unlike golf, intimacy within a long-term partnership brings a spiritual awareness like nothing else. Would the church elders agree that spiritually is a large component of the bedroom too?
I am not saying you don’t have to get up from bed and go to church because you are already “there”, but if you look closely, within the blanket of true love, there are some patterns very similar to a religious ceremony going on.
It is no accident that love has as many rituals as an Easter Service and no one would deny that when being in love and loving, there's a whole lot of spirituality going on. It is mistake to not acknowledge that there is great sanctity at work when a couple honors each other intimately.
“Holy crazy lusty platforms, Batman. I know she is getting married tomorrow, but this is going too far” “Get a grip Robin, she is only exploring the known bat-component of primary asymmetry in bat-intimacy, which means each part of the couple can concentrate on their bat-desires, outside of the bat-relationship, because within the intimate part of the bat-relationship there is this high level of spirit, explored and cemented though true bat-intimacy - and she is not just talking about bat-sex. And now to the bat-cave, Robin - I have a wedding to go to and I need my bat-tux.”
A wedding is just a starting place, not an end. A honeymoon is not a month or a first year, it is a way to be - forever. A conscience disciplined way of relating, with boundless rewards, which translates into a prosperous life, full of health, success and happiness that knows no bounds.
Have a VERY naughty day!
P.S. Due to the fact that Miss Kitty and RocketMan will be on their Honeymoon (oh behave!) Kitty in the City and Life Ain’t Rocket Science will be taking a break next week in the ever-fabulous Santa Barbara Daily Sound.
To Miss Kitty, the shoe part has never made sense (unless this is the part where groom discovers bride's serious obsession with foot ware), but does the last refrain really tell it like it is?
A honeymoon, quoted 18th century writer, Samuel Johnson (or the 1769 version of Dr. Phil)…"is the first month after marriage, when there is nothing but tenderness and pleasure; having no reference to the period of a month, but comparing the mutual affection of newly-married persons to the changing moon which is no sooner full than it begins to wane". So… what happens when the honeymoon is over? Is “settling down”, settling? And if it is, settling for what exactly?
Throughout history, men and women have had some very different reasons for marriage. The evolution of what marriage means has also gone through some Cirque du Soleil style gyrations. Just what are the various roles that a husband and wife (or wife and wife or husband and husband) play? Sounds confusing, doesn’t it? Knowing your role, defining your part and embodying it on a daily basis, makes marriage a secure and safe harbor. There are schools of thought, (usually chaired by students playing with the concept of freedom) that say that true freedom has no rules. But rules actually allow us real freedom - and one of the rules of a successful relationship is really understanding your intimate role within it.
A loving partner, regardless of where one stands on the “business side” of a relationship, desires all the romantic aspects that are part and parcel of a long- term relationship. There are differences - and therein lie the ties that truly bind us, and confuse us.
To get really clear, lets start with the most basic and misunderstood desire of all: the desire of intimate loving. Believe it not, most woman hold that particular torch high up, just like the statue of liberty. This all-important flame cannot be quenched by financial comforts (or shoes) and there is a limit to what relationships outside the partnership can provide. (I am speaking of friends, and not THAT kind.)
When you choose a life-partner, there are attributes that must be part of the package. Put in another way, if you are choosing one golf buddy for the rest of your golfing career, they better know how to hit the ball into the hole. But unlike golf, intimacy within a long-term partnership brings a spiritual awareness like nothing else. Would the church elders agree that spiritually is a large component of the bedroom too?
I am not saying you don’t have to get up from bed and go to church because you are already “there”, but if you look closely, within the blanket of true love, there are some patterns very similar to a religious ceremony going on.
It is no accident that love has as many rituals as an Easter Service and no one would deny that when being in love and loving, there's a whole lot of spirituality going on. It is mistake to not acknowledge that there is great sanctity at work when a couple honors each other intimately.
“Holy crazy lusty platforms, Batman. I know she is getting married tomorrow, but this is going too far” “Get a grip Robin, she is only exploring the known bat-component of primary asymmetry in bat-intimacy, which means each part of the couple can concentrate on their bat-desires, outside of the bat-relationship, because within the intimate part of the bat-relationship there is this high level of spirit, explored and cemented though true bat-intimacy - and she is not just talking about bat-sex. And now to the bat-cave, Robin - I have a wedding to go to and I need my bat-tux.”
A wedding is just a starting place, not an end. A honeymoon is not a month or a first year, it is a way to be - forever. A conscience disciplined way of relating, with boundless rewards, which translates into a prosperous life, full of health, success and happiness that knows no bounds.
Have a VERY naughty day!
P.S. Due to the fact that Miss Kitty and RocketMan will be on their Honeymoon (oh behave!) Kitty in the City and Life Ain’t Rocket Science will be taking a break next week in the ever-fabulous Santa Barbara Daily Sound.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Vows, Promises, and Warranties
Vows, Promises and Warranties
I am currently writing, with my beloved, our wedding ceremony. We decided that nothing already written could ever convey how we feel about each other and what marriage means to us. Through the process, a recurring question has been coming into my mind. When thinking through what you will promise to someone else, just who is the vow really for? It isn’t as obvious as you might think.
Why is it that for thousands of years, humans have decided that making a commitment to another is one of the highest spiritual, philosophical and sophisticated levels that we can obtain as mere mortals? A special day is set aside for our poignant pledges (or at the very least a poignant moment or two). But when we make a pledge to another human being, fully aware of our truth, are we making a promise, vow, and/or warranty for them - or for ourselves? Are we clarifying our love or our concerns? Is being fully aware the real answer?
Whether we are bride, groom or guest, weddings bring so much that is to be human to the forefront of our awareness. The moments experienced are so touching, even pain within the joy. Our own romances, past, present and future can flash across our memories while watching new memories being made. A wedding is not only a celebration of unity, it is the manifestation of a future that does not yet exist. It is a ceremony that focuses on our greatest of intentions through the vows we say - but is really limited to only anticipation of what we will do.
Love, and the promises we make in its light, are bound up in what we have learned from our past experiences and where we find ourselves now. On the special day, the present holds the promise of a future that is sparking, like crystal goblets in the sunlight. Wrapped up in silky gossamer threads, we make vows as part of a life that is yet unknown, except in pillow talk and of endless dreaming together.
Like lavender roses by the full moon, the future is mesmerizing, a brilliant light that teases from the dark of the unknown. And in the moment of right now, it is as perfect as the truths that a couple shares. That unknown future is a beacon, existing in the present that shines a clear light, which enables us to take our deepest and most sincere best and give it, with no strings attached, to our beloved in the form of a vow. Encased in such a love how could words not be anything but pure respect for our partner - and ourselves?
Is it possible to believe that, “to love, respect and forsake all others,” really means, “if you every cheat I will kill you and jail will be worth it?” Is that what we are asking? IS what we ask what we are afraid might happen? In this day and age of so many failed marriages, where wedding cake is messily forced into the mouth of a new spouse, and respect is as unusual as golden anniversaries, maybe it isn’t a wonder at all. It seems that promises can easily be broken, vows thrown away like last nights Chinese take-out, and rings, once treasured for the commitment they signified, melted down back into the nothingness they now represent.
Not a thread of fear, doubt or wedding jitters exists when a level of commitment is a deep and serious love. It is carried within every moment of time and piece of existence, giving no room for anything less than the highest level of integrity. That you can believe.
There can be moments of restlessness that might find its way into love, but with a lack of nothing, we are safe. We make and hear what our lover wishes to give us. It is an open and wondrous place of gentle peace and contentment.
When vows are said, it is nothing that has not already been spoken of. But in the presence of a sacred moment, time can stop to honor the vision that is being born. So Dear Boys and Girls, vows are something extraordinary, something indescribably brilliant…the opportunity to be divine for each other and for always. This may be carved from deep longing for something better than we have ever had, or something we have always held out for, but besides what is said, what we choose to give our lover as the best gift is hearing the boundless promises of raw and real love that we hear in our hearts, whenever our partner speaks.
Have a naughty day!
I am currently writing, with my beloved, our wedding ceremony. We decided that nothing already written could ever convey how we feel about each other and what marriage means to us. Through the process, a recurring question has been coming into my mind. When thinking through what you will promise to someone else, just who is the vow really for? It isn’t as obvious as you might think.
Why is it that for thousands of years, humans have decided that making a commitment to another is one of the highest spiritual, philosophical and sophisticated levels that we can obtain as mere mortals? A special day is set aside for our poignant pledges (or at the very least a poignant moment or two). But when we make a pledge to another human being, fully aware of our truth, are we making a promise, vow, and/or warranty for them - or for ourselves? Are we clarifying our love or our concerns? Is being fully aware the real answer?
Whether we are bride, groom or guest, weddings bring so much that is to be human to the forefront of our awareness. The moments experienced are so touching, even pain within the joy. Our own romances, past, present and future can flash across our memories while watching new memories being made. A wedding is not only a celebration of unity, it is the manifestation of a future that does not yet exist. It is a ceremony that focuses on our greatest of intentions through the vows we say - but is really limited to only anticipation of what we will do.
Love, and the promises we make in its light, are bound up in what we have learned from our past experiences and where we find ourselves now. On the special day, the present holds the promise of a future that is sparking, like crystal goblets in the sunlight. Wrapped up in silky gossamer threads, we make vows as part of a life that is yet unknown, except in pillow talk and of endless dreaming together.
Like lavender roses by the full moon, the future is mesmerizing, a brilliant light that teases from the dark of the unknown. And in the moment of right now, it is as perfect as the truths that a couple shares. That unknown future is a beacon, existing in the present that shines a clear light, which enables us to take our deepest and most sincere best and give it, with no strings attached, to our beloved in the form of a vow. Encased in such a love how could words not be anything but pure respect for our partner - and ourselves?
Is it possible to believe that, “to love, respect and forsake all others,” really means, “if you every cheat I will kill you and jail will be worth it?” Is that what we are asking? IS what we ask what we are afraid might happen? In this day and age of so many failed marriages, where wedding cake is messily forced into the mouth of a new spouse, and respect is as unusual as golden anniversaries, maybe it isn’t a wonder at all. It seems that promises can easily be broken, vows thrown away like last nights Chinese take-out, and rings, once treasured for the commitment they signified, melted down back into the nothingness they now represent.
Not a thread of fear, doubt or wedding jitters exists when a level of commitment is a deep and serious love. It is carried within every moment of time and piece of existence, giving no room for anything less than the highest level of integrity. That you can believe.
There can be moments of restlessness that might find its way into love, but with a lack of nothing, we are safe. We make and hear what our lover wishes to give us. It is an open and wondrous place of gentle peace and contentment.
When vows are said, it is nothing that has not already been spoken of. But in the presence of a sacred moment, time can stop to honor the vision that is being born. So Dear Boys and Girls, vows are something extraordinary, something indescribably brilliant…the opportunity to be divine for each other and for always. This may be carved from deep longing for something better than we have ever had, or something we have always held out for, but besides what is said, what we choose to give our lover as the best gift is hearing the boundless promises of raw and real love that we hear in our hearts, whenever our partner speaks.
Have a naughty day!
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