Getting him off the couch and out of the house

Dear Miss Kitty,
I am 47 years old and am now in my second marriage. My new husband is very kind and thoughtful but he seems to be quite happy spending every evening sitting in front of the TV until bedtime. He hardly talks, just sits there laughing at the funny parts of the shows. I have asked him if he'd like to do something else but he just mutters and goes on watching. It seems if I don't organize a social life we'll never do anything outside the home. I might as well be home alone! My question, Miss Kitty, is how can I get him to understand that I need to get out and want to do that with him?
Tired of puzzles! Santa Barbara


Dear Puzzles,
Along with lipsticks that don’t stay put, dirty paw prints on new dresses and tax time, there is also the intense frustration that goes along with having a great partner and still feeling lonely. The battle cry from more women than men is they want and need a social life within the confines of marital bliss. Could it be that women are more sensitive to the feeling of nothingness that pervades the evenings if they are not "doing something"? Is the empty feeling a sign of more than transitory discontent? When one is reduced to putting back together perfectly nice pictures that have been cut up into a thousand pieces, maybe it is time for something different.

If loneliness descends along with the darkness, and going out temporarily takes that feeling away, it might only be the desire to add a bit of spice to what has been a fulfilling relationship. Putting a crystal ball to good use, one can see that this malady of a fatigued femme started because men were away chasing the wild beasts while the women were back in the cave chatting while grinding nuts for dinner.

Once home, the men were physically exhausted and all they wanted to do was to sit in front of the fire and eat pieces of dead animals. (Beer came later). The women would have loved to be able to say “let's go down to the river and watch the wooly mammoths”. But NOOOO they couldn't do this because the men wanted to do nothing but dose in front of the fire. The women also had to stay handy since soon the men would want their nightly “sleeping aid”. Now doubly exhausted the men would drop into a somnambulant posture and the woman would lay awake listening for crying kids, feeding them , and maybe catching a short dream called "A beautiful sunset on the River that I will see tomorrow or the next day or the next".

Life has gone on pretty much unchanged after 100,000 years or so. Going out sans husband, with a happy friend or two, is one place to start. A movie, adult education, or even just traipsing though a nearby town can all start putting the zip back into a life gone to Snoozeville. The most important thing here is get back to experiencing life and stop waiting for “Ug”. If Ug notices you going, smile and say that you'll be back in time for bed and “have a nice evening”. Word to the wise, even if you are feeling a bit peevish from the years or months of neglect, come home on the agreed upon time.

Venturing forth on your own is the only way to remedy the situation. Rule number one: discussing this will get you nowhere. If he really understood he would have already noticed that while he was watching “faux life in a box”, you were pacing like a hungry lioness salivating from social frustration.

Making changes to the status quo is a great way to get his attention - just resist explaining why you went out. Remember rule number one? Just be as loving as usual and kiss him a fond goodnight. Don’t put your pink highlighter away just yet; this is only part of the equation. Next you are going to get him to ask to go out with you, without the friends in tow. It will take repeating the going out part at least five times before he thinks of initiating leaving the cave, all by himself.

Darling Puzzles, Boys and Girls; Man is stuck with a worm-hole size lack of knowledge about himself until he is willing to learn beyond the obvious effects of his actions (or lack of them). Then new thought patterns can be established and behavior can change with time. It is true. Thought patterns of fun with The Mrs. can co-exist with the oh-so-well defined male provider patterns from time immemorial.
Have a naughty day!