Speak up for cupid’s sake

Dear Miss Kitty,
For my entire 39 year marriage I told my husband that Valentine’s Day wasn’t important to me. Well, he took me at my word. My husband isn’t here anymore and one of things I wish that I had done differently is let him know that romance was something that I really liked. At the time it seemed more important to save the money and not put my husband out, but perhaps he also lost out on the good feeling that comes with making someone else happy. I just wanted to share my thoughts and thought this might be a good topic for your column. Thank you for listening.
C.V. SANTA BARBARA


Dear C,
As a student of love I frequently take the beast, tie it to a table and under the harsh glare of focused intensity dissect it down to manageable components. While under the scrutiny of single minded inspection, love - like death - becomes one of the few things that will continually vacillate between the purest of simple concepts and the multicolored tangle that is utter confusion. Is it possible to fully comprehend love? Can one ever know what love feels like for another? Like a fluffy white rabbit hiding in a top hat, can romance disappear without a magic trick to tempt it forth? Whatever love claims, it doesn’t pretend to be other than what it is: the greatest opportunity for human expression possible.

It is easy to trivialize our romantic needs in favor of the practicalities of life. We all know we do it far too often. That is why it takes a red letter day, like Valentine’s to remember to stop and feel the lace. The commonsensical can also confuse us into denying the pleasure that comes from doing something for someone loved. Pleasure is always felt more keenly by the giver than the receiver, and yet we hasten to lighten the load that our fragile desires might place upon another. Ever notice a kid’s face when presenting a mud pie? Enough said.

When we dampen our awareness of what feeds us in the name of “real life” we do a disservice to the deepest realms of our child-like psyche. The indispensible often overlooked part of us that needs to play and be playful. For romance is just another word for playtime.

I often write of saying yes when we mean no and why it is so important to find our real voice to say when we really mean. But as much as we need to learn the joy in being authentic when we don’t want to do something, it is equally important to acknowledge the opposite. Saying no to a moon light walk, a pink donut covered with silver sprinkles or a romantic little something is like telling a child “no” to a secretly coveted red balloon. The innocent inside of us will think about the balloon that never was long after the once a year balloon seller has left the building.

Heartfelt abandon is anything but practical. But who is to say that unabashed happiness isn’t practical? When the act of smiling into the mirror first thing in the morning truly influences the next 23 hours, the practical application of a most awesome power comes to mind. This is our choice and capacity to direct our future thoughts and actions toward those we love - and therefore change the outcome of what could be.

Darling C, Boys and Girls; this is your homework to be completed over the next couple of days: First thing in the morning, smile at yourself in the mirror. Next take fifteen minutes to stop and really feel the love you feel for someone. There is no need to think, just let the feeling sink in and enjoy the ride. Lastly, if there is something that you really want, something that makes you feel loved the way you want to be loved, speak up for cupid’s sake and say so.
Have a naughty day!