Swimming in the e-dating pool

Dear Miss Kitty,
I am retired over 65 and alone. I have been trying to find a female companion on the internet dating services for nearly two years. I must be doing something wrong because I haven't found anyone for a long term relationship. I think the problem is age. Older women, post menopausal, do not seem interested in sex but most guys I know still want to have this level of intimacy. The women who give a clear message that they want to be intimate are at least 10-20 years younger, in their 50's. They don't want older men as they are worried about being the care giver when we get even older. But the men their age are looking for 30 year olds!! It looks like a Catch 22. Do you see a solution?
“Good Credit but A-loan”...Goleta


Dear Good Credit but A-loan,
As the cowboy said to the bull, “This ain’t my first rodeo!” MK’s inbox has more questions regarding the crazier-by-the-year dating world, then any other topic. Second only to infidelity, modern dating has more facets than the Hope Diamond and just as many scary stories. Cruise titles at the local book shop and it’s obvious that many women, as they get older, drop off the libido cliff. No doubt there are exceptions to the rule, but generally speaking what the libido lacks is made up in travel to exotic lands. (Now you know why cruise ships are so popular).
First of all this isn’t so much an intimacy issue as an education in candor, or rather the lack of it. Complete honesty is not what on-line dating profiles are about. “Holy web-trick Batman!” Yes Robin, e-dating is closer to used car sales than bible study. Think of dating profiles as just the tiny tip of an iceberg - and consider the Titanic while you do so. The real persona is always buried far below the surface.

So if unabashed honesty can’t be relied upon are the e-dating services useful? Yes and no. They are a boon for the very shy or when someone is concentrated in their pursuit of a mate. For most of us in between these extremes the use of the information superhighway is a tremendous way to meet people. However no shopping for side by side burial plots until the sixth date! On-line profiles are most like a trailer for a movie, a little taste that may or may not reflect the flavor of the entire film. Expectations for the feature film are realistically tempered when it’s understood that the trailer is made to grab your attention and get you in the theater.

Truth be told, do we really ever know anyone? The reality is you can’t even begin to know someone until you sit face to face and soul to soul. Even after a lifetime, there will be mysteries that can never be unraveled. Have fun with the creative ad-campaigns in the world of the web, but after the initial attention-grabbing trailer get to know someone the old-fashioned way. Talk. Share stories. Listen. Then you can enjoy the experience while you get to know them – and maybe learn to love them.

Darling A-Loan, Boys and Girls; if you are swimming in the e-dating pool at least play by the few rules that do exist. The most important being, don’t put yourself out there if you are really not interested. Just because your well-meaning friends tell you should date doesn’t mean you should. It isn’t fair to you or anyone that might like to get to know you better. We may be entitled to the pursuit of happiness, but the cherry on the sundae takes more than a little work.
Have a naughty day!