Words are cheap

Dear Miss Kitty,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years and every now and then he gets very frosty towards me. The next day he tells me that it was nothing I did, it was something from his past. He then forgets about it and wants me to do the same. At first I could, but now it has happened enough times to make me think if he really cared about me he would do more than just telling me it wasn't my fault and saying sorry. Other than this our relationship is great, but if he keeps doing this I will probably get fed up and leave and he won't even know why!
T.K. SANTA BARBARA

Dear T,
The “Curse of the Lottery” is without a doubt a highly strange phenomenon. Why are there are more than a few examples of lottery winners that go from hero to zero? When we are gifted something incredible are we more likely to squander it away? Or was the inclination to ruin good fortune buried like treasure from the devil-just waiting for an opportunity to show up?

A common topic at dinner parties, first dates and traffic delays on the 101, is to discuss just what one might do with a fortuitous financial windfall- like winning the lottery. It is an equally common discussion to sketch out the perfect relationship. In fact there are more entries on Match.com from perspective Mr. Rights threatening to treat a lady like a lady (whatever that means) then there is factual information on beverage preferences. So when someone, against all odds has a great relationship, why do they so easily lose sight of keeping it great?

Are too many of us like the lottery winner that rips through millions of dollars on wine, women and song and ends up dead in the trunk of some disgruntled second cousins old Ford truck? Is it really that much trouble to make it right when you have made it wrong? In other words, what do baby birds and “I’m sorry” have in common? They are both cheap-cheap-cheap.

Putting it in print and perspective, it is relatively difficult to have a meaningful, stable, and loving relationship. There I have said it. No sugar coating here folks, it is hard and seems to get more difficult all the time. Therefore if one actually has come across such rare wonder, one does need to go the distance after a faux pas of any kind.

Darling T, Boys and Girls, when your sweetie or anyone important to you, causes emotional harm, ask for what you would like to make it better. Give up on the expectation that anyone (except for me) can read your mind and tell them what you need from them. We are not going for punishment here, unless that’s your idea of making amends, we are going for somewhere special or a loving token like flowers or beer, along- side an extra warm and honest “I am sorry”.

Two things are likely to happen. 1. He or she will think a bit harder before making the original sin again and 2. You will be able to return to normal a bit faster. Remember this, everything is an opportunity to show you care and everything is an opportunity to show you don’t.

Have a naughty day!