Meeting the parents

Dear Miss Kitty,
Next week I am going out of state to meet my bf's parents for the first time. I am afraid that I won't know how to react to them. A functioning family that has all its pieces put together is something that is about as foreign to me as speaking Swahili. I grew up with no family but myself and I do not know how to let people love me. I have amazing manners and I know they will like me, but I have NO clue how to accept any of it. It's really stressful thinking about all of this and I want this to be the happy experience it should be. How can I just get over it?
-Not alone anymore


Dear Not Alone,
“Meet the parents” conjures up as much insecurity as Bubba’s Burger’s opening day in the heart of downtown Bangladesh. Bubba would like to “get over” that he just sunk hundreds of thousands of dollars in a place where cows are worshipped off the bun, but that isn’t going to happen. Truth is, no one gets over anything. We do however, have the potential to work our way though and into a better reality. And hopefully for Bubba- a better location analysis the next time around.

When the “Dynamic Duo” (and we are not talking Batman and Robin here) are on the immediate horizon, fantasy expectations are supersized along with the ghostly residue of whatever we lacked in the fragile years before adulthood. I can do a great New York Jewish mother accent here and tell you (while painfully pinching your cheek): “Just be yourself-they will love you!!! What’s not to love?” But even through your giggles, I think something more substantial is needed to get you though this rite of passage.

Presenting our sweetheart to The Folk’s means we are asking for their blessing and our sweetheart gets a heads up about possible future in-laws. Anyone can pretend - and they will - that this time honored introduction doesn’t carry much weight, but they would be grossly misinformed. It is an all-out nod for approval in all directions. Therefore it is no wonder that it can cause more than a slight tummy upset.

And speaking of approval, there is no such thing as a perfectly functioning family. Every family has the side they need to world to see, and the not so warm and fuzzy bits they hide away. Like the extensive collection of life-like dolls that are squirreled away after a heads-up that “the new girl” has a thing about life-like dolls. The reality on meeting “the parents” is very much like the reality of a first date. There isn’t much of one. Usually everyone, including the potted plant you bring for a hostess gift, will be on his or her best behavior, which is really covering up the true anxiety, big or small that everyone will be feeling. See how much you have in common all ready?

You also said, “I do not know how to let people love me.” I think you do since you have a BF that obviously thinks so much of you he wants to “take you home to mom and dad.” You have let him love you and where there is one let in, there will be more. But let me ease your stress level just a bit: You don’t need for them to love you, and liking you would be nice but even that is optional – not necessary. Regardless, as you said yourself, it is taken care of. “I have amazing manners and I know they will like me.” Continuing to confidently believe that will go a long way toward making it your reality.

Darling Not, Boys, and Girls, Leonardo da Vinci is quoted as saying, “Nothing can be loved or hated unless it is first known”. With that comforting thought in mind, pack the more conservative of your clothes, the aforementioned potted plant, and just be the charming self your BF fell in love with.

Have a naughty day!