Thinking too much

Dear Miss Kitty,
I know a guy is really in to me, but he hasn’t even talked to me yet. Do you think he will?

T, SANTA BARBARA
Dear T,
Words are cheap, why wouldn’t he use them?


Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been dating someone for about six weeks. We are having a great time and really like each other. I am wondering if we have enough in common for a long term relationship. I was going to bring it up over the weekend, but I hoped that you could give me some steering direction first.
R.Z. SANTA BARBRA

Dear R.Z,
When the company is splendid and the days are progressing without incident, why is it so difficult to just enjoy? There is no reason to name it, envision the future, or break a new relationship down and file it under an appropriate heading. Luxuriate in it for what it is, instead of wondering what it isn't or can never be. The truth is that making rules doesn’t imply a guarantee of happiness. Concocting relationship do’s and don’ts, won’t guarantee happiness either. Allowing ourselves to feel happiness, guarantees contentment, if nothing else. There is a Zen-toddleresque component to human connections. Sometimes we have to let it be, observe and tell our thinking selves to go away and play in the mud!

Like grease following frying bacon, unless we consciously decide to put a lid on it, pleasant passion becomes a slick surface for happiness to slide off of. Even when a relationship is full of delights why is there is always a period when the questions come forth? Like the winter holidays, they show up even when we could do without them and never know the difference. What about future living situations? Will we be compatible if I think carrots are the other white meat and you don’t? This can be a make it or break it time for lots of couples, and here’s a big secret. It doesn't need to be so. If both are feeling happy, it is a huge disservice to what might be, to over-think the unknown (and most everything is) into woe.

Thinking people think too much and in the beginning stages of a relationship the need to get in touch with our inner Einstein is all consuming. Leaving well enough alone makes sense now doesn’t it? Romance is like water, you can trust it will always seek its own level, eventually. Humans have a profound desire to play connect the dots, instead of waiting to see what dots end up connected all by themselves.

Darling R.Z, Boys and Girls, if the company is good, the major dots connect, the rest doesn't really matter. It's about having fun, feeling good, and being open to what could be. A blissful new relationship belongs under candle light, not under the harsh glare of interrogation bulbs. A new relationship doesn't need to be a project in a dissection lab either. When you break ANYTHING down, the magic dissipates very swiftly. If there is a major problem or a deep unease, by all means call in the Spanish Inquisition, feel free to cry,” NEXT”! But when it feels good, don’t unravel something quite precocious into tiny fragments. A word to the wise, love and romance are found in combinations, but never in dissevered parts.
Have a naughty day!