Honoring Invisible Contracts

Dear Miss Kitty,
I have a crush on an amazingly beautiful woman. She's smart, she's sexy and her smile could light up a room. It's nearly impossible to describe the euphoria that surrounds me when I look into her eyes. It's powerful. The logic in me says I'm too old to be a school-yard secret admirer, but my shy guy has other plans. When I first met her, I was awed by her mysterious beauty. As she carried herself, pale and slender, gracefully and elegantly towards one of the other men in the room, I noticed something. She seemed like a queen, high and regal, with a strange air of mystery about her. And her beauty couldn't help but add to her mystery. Her long, deep-strawberry-blond hair and striking grayish-green eyes make her an irresistible magnet for my gaze. It's useless not to stare. I am not some creep, just an old-school romantic with a desire for passion who had to let his true feelings be known. I read your column weekly, and will look for a response.
Jim, SANTA BARBARA

Dear Jim,
Thank you for taking a breather from your promising- romance- novelist career to let me and thousands of Daily Sound readers know of your true feelings. Although you may have brought a smile to my rosy lips, you didn’t actually ask me a question! So let me ask you a few. Considering the fiery passion that lurks within your manly chest, why have you not acted on your intense ardor? Why tell all of us and not the object of your obvious affections? Or sly dog that you just may be, are you hoping/guessing that she is reading this column along with her morning- large- cream- based- caramel- frappucccino with an extra shot stirred in, not on top?
Although many a man has gazed from afar, perhaps even left homemade egg rolls atop a Scion, most grown- up women find discomfort in the concept of a secret admirer. After all, mother told us not to talk to strangers. Let alone strange men that don’t feel comfortable for whatever reason in being forthright with their intentions. Menu’s have prices, politicians have parties (or should), and most people like to know the player, if not the whole game.

Mystery might be Alfred Hitchcock’s raison D’etre but for most of us the less mystery the better! We read the last page of a page turner, would rather be with the devil we know than the devil we don’t and we always want to know what’s for dinner. Knowing gives us an impression, albeit a false one, of security. Ever wondered why every baby gets a blankie within days of arriving? Water, food and security are crucial for our survival as a species.

We excuse children from confiding their crushes with good reason. The admission of a crush is likely to inspire playground torments yet undiscovered by the Taliban. And the reason kindergartners don’t sign their Valentines is that they can’t spell. Once we pass the age of dodge ball being a graded activity, we really need to step up to the plate and take a chance. Looking, lusting and leering from afar is more likely to get a free orange jumpsuit and cell mates that won’t appreciate dinner by candlelight.

Darling Jim, Boys and Girls, we live in a world with many an invisible contract. As human beings, we owe respect without reservation to those we come in contact with. Giving someone a chance to hear what we have to say and accepting the consequences is honoring at least one of the invisible contracts. Whether having a bad hair day or frightened that their soul is being stolen, tribal natives in Cameroon don’t like having their picture taken. Out of respect, one asks. Don’t you think the object of your affections deserves the same consideration?
Have a naughty day!