To tie the knot or not?

Dear Miss Kitty,
My fiance and I have a wedding planned for Christmas Eve. This past weekend he told me that when we first started dating, when he was away on a business trip, he had a one-night stand with a women he met on the plane. He says he wanted to come clean before we tie the knot. We have been dating for 4 years and I don't know why he waited until now to tell me. I also don't know whether I am relieved he was honest or @#$%# mad he ever had a one-night stand and didn't tell me!
C.S, SANTA BARBARA

Dear CS,
Any sailor or mountain climber can tell you there are as many knots as there are situations, so exactly what not-so-obvious “knot” do you think your fiance is interested in tying? The always popular, already- paid-for -the- caterer-just-let-it-go-knot? The better-to-ask-for-forgiveness-than-permission knot? There somewhat smug I -told -the- truth -and-I-didn't-have-to-so-you-can't-be-mad knot? Just why and when someone chooses to divulge a transgression usually has more to do with what they stand to loose if they don't confess, than doing the right thing. Right Tiger?

Speaking of doing the right thing, just when was this infringement conducted in terms of the relationship? If Mr. Business class was technically still a free wheeling man about town, in other words you didn't have the going steady agreement, it doesn't really matter what he did. No mutually agreed upon contract means both of you were free to peruse any indulgence you fancied. On the other side of the green, maybe you did have “the talk” and the real issue isn't so much the timing of the tell -all but the content of the confession.

If the offense was on “company time” meaning yours, not only did he transgress during travel, but kept information that had a bearing on your relationship in order to keep the relationship. For years. Regardless of the reasons why, the most likely being fear of losing you, it wasn't right than and it opens up just what kind of values he lives by. Every day values are the most critical component of a marriage. With this structure firmly in place a marriage can far exceed the expected projection of a 50/50 success rate. Without out it, you do the math.

If during the relationship retrospective it turns out that Mr. Come Fly with Me was really a free agent his bringing up the breach is still open season for rumination. Did he think that taking the truth plunge was really for your benefit? Please! As hard to swallow as stale wedding cake, when someone takes the plunge to come clean, without provocation, their honesty does not trump the transgression. Optional disclosure is neither a new band or a free pass to paradise. Optional disclosure is most like fishing with Cantonese steamed dumplings for bait. No data as of yet and there are no points for creativity.

Darling Boys, Girls and CS, believe it or not, many a bride or groom has been a no-show on the guest list at their own wedding. There is also no shame in putting everything including the ice, on ice until one feels completely comfortable with such an important life commitment. It may take longer than the next three weeks, maybe as long as a flight from here to the moon. The upcoming wedding should not weight into your decision what-so-ever. All that does matters is that you, without any doubt feel good about YOUR decision to marry or not marry based on the latest and greatest of news flashes and how you choose to resolve it.
Have a naughty day!