When the negative is less than the positive

Dear Miss Kitty,
My wife and I got into another disagreement, yet again. We go from things being really good to impossible to live with. When do you know it's time to just call it a day?
Michael, SANTA BARBARA

Dear Michael,
At times skiing blindfolded in the Sahara Desert while being chased by slobbering rabid wolves can be more comfortable than being involved in a relationship. With all the ups and downs that can be sometimes it feels like an insane journey without even a souvenir T- Shirt to show for all the hard work. Have we convinced ourselves as a society that a rocky road is not only an ice-cream but an acceptable way of living?

If one believes in the values that stand behind the concept of a relationship -when it is bad it can feel like we are forced to buy the ticket, forced to go on the ride and get no guarantee's that the ride will be a tremendous. I happen to know the camel whose back was broken by the straw. In fact during the interview the camel told me, it had nothing to do with straw. That was just spun for the benefit of the liberal media. The broken back was due to years of neglect, dirty hay and nothing to drink but scant amounts of tepid water.

If we could let go of the preconceived idea that the benefits of a relationship outweigh almost any negative that happens (especially the repetitive ones) there would be less hurt less often. It seems we are more comfortable with giving relationships chance after chance to the point of insanity then trying something different, often to the determent of all parties concerned. To accept and release what is not a constructive way of living can be the most rewarding choice after all.
The best way to not get sand kicked in your face is to look at the self since there is no way anyone changes anyone else. Not for better or worse. Whether the storm is blowing hot or cold, this can be a hard road and it is near to impossible to know if it will ever improve. The blessing in disguise is that during adversity we can get really strong and be able to see the truth of whom we are and what we want.
Darling Michael, Boys and Girls, it's really basic math. When the positive is less than the negative change becomes possible. Making a structure for ourselves and knowing we are just fine regardless of the leaving is what safeguards us from feeling like victims. When we can look deeply into our reality, as it is, not as we would like to be, we can see why we made the choices we did. That is the key in preventing patterns of discontent and a happily ever after.

Our lives are chapters in a book, scenes in a movie, and seasons within a year. Even the most defining edges, like death or divorce eventually become blurred as we move forth. Thus the imperative need to move continually forward even if it feels like all we are doing is crawling.
Have a naughty day!