Curious George and the Naughty Monkeys

Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been married for 11 years. Other than the fact that we are friends and we are there for each other in most ways, it is fairly lackluster. I never thought a marriage could be much more so I was reasonably happy. Recently I have met a woman through a class at Adult Ed and we have so much more in common than my wife and I do. Is it terrible to realize this? Am I a rat bastard for even thinking about wanting something better for myself? As you write so much about honesty, am I being "honest" by staying with my wife or leaving her?
J, SANTA BARBARA





Dear J,
According to Wikipedia, curiosity is an emotion related to natural inquisitive behavior. Wikipedia also says that apes, cats, fish, reptiles, even insects have been observed exhibiting “curiosity”. In my observations of life and romance, creatures do not marry, but rat-bastards can and do. Rats, even when sparked into life by “someone” a bit sparkly do not get to throw another’s life into turmoil as easily as throwing a clay pot on a wheel at Adult Ed!

Honesty is being in-line with pre-set values that have been established after the somewhat laborious task of searching within the self to ascertain the highest level of integrity, i.e. the highest good is realized. Does this mean one is always honest as the day is long? Not necessarily. Sometimes the highest good is in being kind. For example telling a small child that they shouldn’t give up their day job in favor of making MORE painted rocks isn’t nice. It certainly could be true, but in the context of that little scenario, nice trumps truth.

Exploring and implementing values is a lot like playing cards. Depending on the hand dealt, one must wisely decide what to put into play in order to win. The definition of winning is leaving this planet better than you found it and leaving it better than the planet found you.

So, if compassion is the Queen of Hearts than Honesty is certainly the King of Diamonds. It takes quite a man or woman to balance what is honest and what is right. The sudden inspiration that someone else has better cards than we do or contemplating just what a stacked deck might look like can be intriguing. However, that intrigue is really a messenger for something bigger and much more important. A catalyst for change certainly, but not the whole card game. Not even the card table.

Darling J, Boys and Girls, once a commitment has been made, that particular commitment is written in stone. If one is not happy within the commitment, one needs to embrace what can be done to make it work. Making it work might mean moving on, changing what isn’t good into something that is or realizing and appreciating what is. In a nutshell, without doing a whole lot of work first, you would indeed be a rat-bastard.

Have a naughty day!