Limits with Mr. Lincoln

Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been married for six years and it isn’t what I thought it would be. As some background, we never had a super exciting time together, but it was good and we were very compatible. He proposed after 4 years of being together and we got married. Now, I am not happy most of the time and my husband doesn’t seem particularly thrilled either. Looking back, I don’t think we should have gotten married after all. Is this enough reason to get a divorce?
Sabra, Santa Barbara



Dear Sabra,
Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was the 16th President of the United States. He successfully led the country through its greatest internal crisis, the American Civil War, preserving the Union and ending slavery. There are obviously volumes more of information but considering this is a romance advice column and not “profiles in history”; we’re going to call it a day on Mr. L. That being said, there is a darn good reason (besides the fact that MK has a serious thing for the man) that he is being mentioned today. We now know just about as much as we ever will about Mr. Lincoln and no matter how much we revisit his history, it cannot be changed. Encased in permanence, history – what was - sits constant and safe for all eternity.

So is there any value in looking backwards in order to move forward? Do we really need to connect the dots to make a picture make sense? Could we just let the present be enough information to get us to a better place? The fact that true history is written in stone is part and parcel of why its value to us is so great, along with that fact that our perspective on the past does not remain stagnant.

History is extremely useful to us, because when it is revisited regarding relationships we are able to see patterns and although we cannot retroactively change anything, history will always repeat itself. The knowledge of this fact is crucial, because it gives us a unique opportunity: to do something different.

That is not exactly changing history, but if the same dynamic continues over and over again, and we have the clarity to recognize that repetition, it means we are able to react and change a particular moment – what is. Doing this, we have the power to change our destiny.

Darling Sabra, Boys and Girls, the motivation to do or not to do something - especially as drastic as changing marital status - is equal to the lack of fulfillment that is possible in the human experience. Mr. L’s ghost is letting me know that I should say what I need to say more simply. Alright then, if it has never worked as one would have liked, then break it all the way down and fix it so it does. That might just mean building a whole new life.

Is there a “possibility” that marriage with this person “could” improve - a rationalization to avoid the ultimate final solution? NO. History in it’s clean, precise and repetitive language has already proven that and given the opportunity, history will prove it over and over again.

Have a naughty day!