Silent Wedding Bells

Dear Miss Kitty,
My fiancé and I have decided the typical wedding isn’t for us. We are thinking that eloping is! It seems a great way to eliminate the hype and pressure of a wedding, and just gets to grips with what it is really is about: us. My fiancé is close to her family and is concerned that some feelings might be hurt. Do you think anyone could really be that upset?
Thomas, Santa Barbara



Dear Thomas,
According to the modern oracle of Delphi, otherwise known as Wikipedia, to elope, most literally, means to run away. More specifically, elopement is often used to refer to a marriage conducted in sudden and secretive fashion, usually involving hurried flight away from one's place of residence.

Hurried flights away? 18 month out bookings for a trendy venue? It is no wonder that as the day light increases, so do all the questions regarding the contretemps (look it up) that surround the- oh- so -blessed nuptials of which some humans fondly embrace. Flower girls and ring boys, tired cakes and every shade of white dresses.

For our discussion let’s have Camp A and B. There are variations of Camp A, but essentially the battle cry is for lots of tulle (look it up) and extra-special everything. Camp B has a whole different set of rules to go by. No fluff allowed here. Camp B, under the guise of anti commercialism, frugality and realism, stays as far away from the A-list of necessities as possible. Without the apparent trappings of “the best day of your life” to guide them through the myriad choices that can bamboozle the clear essence of wedded bliss, they strip it down and make it simple. Two people, a piece of government paper and any port with a sober witness or two.

So is the idea behind a wedding simply to capture something that is missing and needs to be put in place for phase two of relationship development? Is an elopement as much of a statement as a $100,000 floral and cake extravaganza? Regardless of the venue, or lack thereof, is the ritual bigger than the both of you?

Even with more than one “I do” under this cat’s belt, honestly and without reservation, I say “I do” to commitment - however it unfolds. Does this mean that noses shall be bent out of shape if a bride and groom or groom and groom or bride and bride or dog and cat get married without the hoopla or chuppah (look I up)?

Weddings, like funerals as well as other rituals of the human experience, tend to bring out all sorts of charming little aspects of our diverse natures. It is difficult to separate our projections of what we want - not only for ourselves, but for others at intense and memorable times. See how easy it is to project? Perhaps all moments of a wedding, in the style of Camp A or B are intense and memorable in their own way. Maybe getting a really good black olive and extra cheese pizza AFTER the simple nuptial is the highlight of a non-wedding wedding. As long as all is good in the kingdom of two, the villagers must put aside their self-imposed thoughts and get over it. At least until the next wedding or non-wedding.

Darling Thomas, and Boys and Girls, there is nothing that stops anyone from having hurt or slighted feelings, whether they have missed a moment that will never come again or round two of the Elizabeth Taylor School of Wedded Bliss. However, the law of unintended consequences is always on alert. It would be remiss to be blasé -that there might be some damage control necessary and appropriate. Of course that is nothing that a shared bottle of champagne and some cake, any cake wouldn’t fix.

Have a naughty day!