Growl Man cub growl!

Dear Miss Kitty,
One of my friends is dating a man considerably her junior….20 years difference between them. She asked me about it and I told her honestly that I thought it was pointless. I suppose I was being harsh considering there is so much approval for “cougars” these days, but seriously, what is the point?
Charlotte, Santa Barbara



Dear Charlotte,
Pencils, arrows and speeches have a point but when it comes to judging the why’s and why not's of relationships, there is always a point or two missing. Relationships are by nature devoid of an anything resembling a concise and reasonable rationale for their existence anyway. It seems to be part of the eternal intrigue that compels us to believe in something that can so easily turn out to be nothing. Desperately, we try to make sense out of something that just isn’t that clear-cut. Relationships are both the brittle shards of beach glass, lying just under the sand to cut a tender foot - and the smoothly polished little gems that wash up after a wild storm at sea. It all depends on what or whom we are willing to weather.

There are countless cliché’s regarding the time old tradition of younger women with older men. There are as many jokes, movies and cartoon drawings as there are little blue pills in the world. Now gaining on, and perhaps surpassing, the Geezer-dogs are the Cougars. Just in case you are thinking: “How did she work cats into yet another column?” I will enlighten those in need. A cougar is the term for a woman that is dating a man more than 10 years her junior. He is called the man-cub. And the baseball he plays isn’t in Chicago.

The media - also known as the official brainwashing arm of the US Government - just loves these girls! They provide the Siren’s call to flip the old standard into what “mature” women want. Does anyone really want to be with a somebody that thinks Journey is a travel agency from the 80’s? Date a man that believes that bras were burnt because there wasn’t central heating way back when, and thinks Jerry Garcia really is a high-fat dairy product?

There are so many reasons that we decide or want to believe that someone is suitable for us. Suitable might be for a day, a month, a year or even longer. A safe harbor in trying times or a wickedly rugged ship for the wild and foamy trip of a lifetime. Who is to say what is right and what is not? Statistics like to keep us in check with their finger- waggling know–it-all-ness, and the stats say that the “ideal” age for partners is within five years of each other. Could this be true?

Religion, politics, upbringing and beliefs are as much players in the game of match as any age difference. It is the fundamental differences - whatever they are - that occupy the largest space between us. This is where one of the key relationship truths likes to hide. Truth number one is this: The similarities between us make life together easier. These congruencies are common ground-rules that we know and love, because they are safe and we know where we stand. Have there been very effective relationships between people of great differences? Of course - but look within and you will see that there is a deeply shared and common bond: the passions behind the differences. They are inevitably more the same than they are not.

Darling Charlotte, and Boys and Girls; if the ties that bind us are the thread to happiness, then looking for the similar is the kinder, gentler path to bliss. But if we are not looking for bliss, or even a cheap imitation of deep meaning, it doesn’t really matter what animal we date - or what phase of life they are in. What is of consequence is not whom we are with, but why. That is really the pointed question - and answering that will generally be harder with someone that doesn’t speak exactly the same language. Capish?

Have a naughty day!