Aim High and Fire Well

Dear Miss Kitty,
I am sure you are well aware that Valentine’s Day (your favorite holiday???) is fast approaching and I have to confess, it is my least favorite. It seems that female expectations run high and there is no choice but to participate in the frenzy. I really don’t want to. I don’t want to be told when I should show love for my girl. The whole thing is worse than Christmas. If I don’t do anything-am I dog?
Dave, Santa Barbara



Dear Dave,
Gestures of romance along with the songs that conjure up the sweetest of memories - the tokens that tell someone they are indeed special - are never wrong on any day. As ancient pagans had days of worship to honor the changing of seasons and the mysteries of life, we modern-day men and women have our days to show respect, love and compassion. What do you think the 4th of July is really about? Hot dogs? However, it can be true, that with the passing of time some of the original intent becomes a bit faded or over-hyped. Look at all the silliness surrounding the recent Sunday Super-ball toss. Sometimes there is little to remind us of a red letter day’s significant origins and then it does seems like something to hide from within the safe and comforting confines of a dog house.

When we do choose to reflect on either the original meaning or the more personal rituals we have installed into our own reality - a day becomes a day which is not like any other, and isn’t that is what Valentine’s is really all about? Taking time to make one day really special, no matter what your personal opinion of Hallmark might be? Pardon my highly idealistic ruminations of the subject, but isn’t love all about loving someone by their definition of love?

There are a few, the proud, the men and women that knowingly convey the deep and abiding love they feel for their SO on a daily basis. There are others that, a bit less often than everyday, manage to reconnect their romance, even with all the business that is life. There is still another group, the after a fight or when they take a vacation contingent that manage to put something into the relationship pot of gold. Over all, most of us never say I love you enough and more importantly really mean it when we say it.

Sure we love our person, but are we really invested in feeling it when we say it? Is saying it and meaning it- but not REALLY feeling it alright? As long as we remember to say it, doesn’t it count? Let’s be honest. There are times that we do say it but we are certainly not really in the present moment enough to be MEANING it in a way that conveys all that little word really means. Some of the time, that is alright…no one is that perfect or should ever feel that much pressure.

Therefore Valentine’s Day is a glorious opportunity dressed up in hearts and flowers along with the hit man of all time…Cupid. Ready, fire and aiming to put an arrow where we really want it. Right in the center of a heart. To make a heart-stopping moment and complete awareness present. A chance to make the two a one again, reflect on just why this particular relationship exists and then enjoy it! ( Remember that reminiscing about the “old days’ is guaranteed to bring you closer than fleas on a dog!)

So is all the hoo-haa because some people (read men) don’t like the commercialization of such a moment? The roses, the candy, the lingerie (of course!) are tools. As is a turkey, a string of lights or a bottle of Super Bowl beer. (Ever wonder why the Super bowl is just before Valentine’s? I do.)

The tool is the honest feeling in print so to speak. It becomes a tangible not done every day gesture to make someone feel really good. Now, if you love someone why would you not want to participate? Is this the hill you really want to die on? Literally?

Darling Dave, and Boys and Girls, one caveat here - if you really don’t feel the love, don’t play. That is hypocrisy and there is nothing romantic about that. If fact, I have spoken with Cupid and you will be shot on site (poison dart-not the love one) and no one will have any sympathy for you.

The best part of love is always the authentic real deal. The ways in which to say it are as many as there are couples. And Dave, seriously no one goes to jail for using daisy’s instead of roses or really big cookies instead of dinner. They only thing that might be a confusing message is crotch less panties (god forbid!) instead of something with a bit more coverage! So say it how you mean it, but for loves’ sake and yours…mean it when you say it and mean it often.

Have a naughty day!