Wise Women, Fundamentals and Getting to Next!

Dear Miss Kitty,
I’ve met a man who had a flawless intro. I was smitten from the start and I am picky. We share many qualities and we are broken in the same way. The dating was great until I told him that I would like to go out to dinner, not just the two bars we hang out in. I asked about walks, hiking, movies, anything other than just the bars. My suggestions were yah-yah-yah until after several girl fits, we finally had a wonderful dinner date. The price I paid was high and I don’t mean the bill. I want to get to know this man without alcohol and “the scene” getting in the way. BTW, we have been dating for 3 months with no sex. This is different for me but being older and wiser I think this is the best way. It feels serious but it seems he is resistant to really getting to know me and me him. Isn’t this the way people get to know each other, to see if it will work by spending time just one on one? How can he tell if we are the match I think we are if he won’t spend time just with me? Is he waiting for something? BTW he has told me he has a check list in his head (I don’t know what it is).
Thank you for listening,
Gypsy Muse, Santa Barbara



Dear Gypsy,
Weather stations are indirectly very busy little hubs of quality guidance. Umbrella day? Beach day? Flash flood day other wise known as really high boots day? It all helps and guides us when party planning, dressing, or traveling. Can we imagine a world without any precipitation predictions? In the perfect world there would be dating forecasters. They would know within a 95% accuracy rate just how likely our potential “right” was or was not. They would detect storms on the horizon and let us know when sunny skies prevail. Alas, there is no such thing, except for the barometer that lives in the middle of your gut. It knows all.

Most of us can look up and see cantankerous grey clouds gathering overhead and predict a stormy day, but when a cloudy future is sitting, already making life gloomy and dark, right across from us, we can not see it. Do we not want to see it? We sense but are not willing to throw off the wet blanket and get a rain check for someone better. Better the bad weather we know, than the sunny sky that is somewhere else?

Although Gypsy Muse has enough fodder to keep Miss K in rare form for several columns, zeroing in on the obvious that plagues so many daters seems the most helpful. Why do we insist on working with something that isn’t working? Why must we wear a white sundress in a torrential downpour? Do we really want our knickers bared along with our very soul?

Fundamentals belong to the wise. Getting to know someone takes time and that time needs to be spent where there is enough quiet to hear what is being said and what is not. Space to see what delights, insults, interests, amuses someone else. To take the puppy into different situations and see how it performs! Alright, that last one wasn’t nice but truly necessary and we all know it.

If someone can’t fathom the importance and excitement of trying out a few different venues to chat away the small hours, let alone wants to spend time together, they are not what anyone wants. They may be what you think you need because of some ill-founded sense of self, but the lack of willingness to do something so normal, so benign, and generally thought of as “nice”, tells it like it is.

Darling Gypsy, Boys and Girls, agonizing over the possible reasons why and rationalizing the most obvious and blunt truth away only postpones the inevitable. Does it matter why someone does what they do so early in the game? NO! We are not currently interested in the “other” side of this. Chances are there is no logical reason why he doesn’t see beyond the bars that currently encase this relationship. Since your heart is only bound by chains of “what if’ and not real love, repeat after me, NEXT!

Have a naughty day!