Big bad wolfs and the year of dating differently

Dear Miss Kitty,
During the entire week I have heard people talking about whether they will make - or not make - New Years Resolutions. Most people didn’t seem to want to make them. After 10 years of mediocre relationships of various lengths I’ve decided to make a big resolution. I will date differently this year, since what I have done in the past has never worked out. The big question is: What should the crucial difference be?
Ready for change, Santa Barbara



Dear Ready,
According to a recent survey of 2,386 adults, 58% of the men said they made a New Years resolution and 74% of the women. If you believe those responding to such surrealistic surveys, 22% of the men always or often keep their resolutions, while only 12% of the women could say the same thing. Miss Kitty has never been a big fan of statistics; since there are more variables in the human spirit than tricks in Felix the Cat’s bag, but what is worthy of attention is the disparity between the sexes in committing to making the jump to resolve, versus actually accomplishing the final goals.

Committing to make a resolution is only one (but a big) part of the equation. In fact, just choosing from our laundry list of potential “could be betters” can be daunting. Facing up to – and facing off with - one’s own detriments is always a sobering task, that requires great introspection. As the Big Bad Wolf says, “All the better to see you my dear”. Yes, finally understanding our own pitfalls, shortcomings and other yucky bits makes it possible for us to change our path through the treacherous woods of life.

Little Red Riding Hood never got it. She met the same wily wolf in different parts of the forest, falling for the same old slick canine-lines over and over again. It took an outside source, the woodsman, to rescue her. In the real world, although most women fantasize about a burly wood-worker sweeping them off their feet, the only real rescue that will last a lifetime is the one we do for ourselves. The wolves, even though deceptive to others, are actually being true to their image and themselves. A wolf in sheep’s clothing, a little black dress and heels or wearing a Rolex and driving a BMW; is just that, still a big bad wolf.

So Ready, and Darling Boys and Girls, the answer to the BIG question is thus: The crucial difference you seek is in knowing why we do what we do on the surface and below. It is making the necessary enlightening changes in the self before we venture into the dangerous woods. If we have resolved to deeply question ourselves through honestly reviewing our past, we are armed with knowledge. Knowledge can then be implemented into healthy rules to follow and a safety check system for ourselves. If we have elevated ourselves to the next step and made ourselves accountable to an overseeing outsider, then we have begun the process for better choices and therefore, resolution success.

The denial we make when we choose to not improve ourselves and our circumstances gives us the opportunity to make the same mistakes over and over again. Acknowledging that we don’t like dealing with wolves is never enough to keep us and our picnic basket safe. If the picnic basket is our soul, our deepest reasons for wanting to live well, then “grandmother” is the hopeful outcome of all our dreams. Getting to grandma doesn’t have to be a treacherous trek, it can be a delightful stroll though very fresh air, where wolves don’t stand a chance, and your cloak can be any color you choose.

Have a naughty day!