At the Bottom of the Waterfall

Dear Miss Kitty,
I was recently widowed and am thinking about dating. What is considered an appropriate time and how do I let my family know without any hurt feelings?
Looking ahead, Santa Barbara



Dear Looking,
When we have lived our life as a twosome, and now circumstance has turned us back into a solo act, the adjustments are far more profound than just getting one cup of tea ready in the morning instead of two. Side by sid, intense grief and pain there is also the unconscious awareness that life continues-and why should it be anything but as sweet as possible? Does anyone have a right to challenge someone’s happiness potential? I think not. There is no time like the present for joy; especially when one has just had breakfast in bed in bed with death.

What a strange world we are thrust into, a place of constant change and constant challenge. Just when it begins to make sense, something happens that forces us to work out our life all over again. If we are lucky we reevaluate our priorities- we make the sadness count for something. If someone has been married for most of their life and then looses that beloved, everything is new again. Including what is and isn’t the person that still has the earth suit on. Finding out just whom we really are, without a partner is a journey un to itself. It is no wonder that most of us will take the devil we know over the devil we don’t most of the time but during a time of need the familiar is longed for as never before. When the familiar is no longer available, do we have any choice but to walk bravely into the unknown?

Darling Looking, Boys and Girls, regardless of the timing, finding warmth and happiness in life is all that good family and real friends want for us. They understand that pain does not cancel out the need for love. Understanding the particular pain of loss is like knowing a really good recipe. You share your story, because we all have one, and hope that it will be of solace to others.

The continuum of human understanding dictates that what ever you need to do, will be understood. Anyone that truly loves you will know that you are not looking for a replacement or a distraction. You are looking for friendship, compassion and passion at a time when they will make a healthy difference as you enter this brave new world alone.

Anyone that can’t find a way to understand can be left alone for now. Your job is to take care of you. Your job is to gently go and explore where millions of men and women have gone before. Now, like the pond below a waterfall, where it is still and quiet, think about you and only you and begin to make sense of your new life.

Have a naughty day!