Ma Cherie Amour and the Boy Next Door

Dear Miss Kitty,
I met my BF’s parents and sister last week. They seem so much like my family and I felt completely at home. I have wondered if this was “the one” and now I am sure. Before I met “the family”, I wasn’t completely sold, but based on how his family acted around me, now I feel I can really trust him. One of my friends said that you don’t marry the family you marry the guy, but it seems like if the family is o.k., he should be too. Do you think so?
Kaili S.




Dear Kaili,
The longer one lives the more it seems like the world works in less mysterious ways than one would think. So it isn’t surprising to find that when it comes to finding a suitable life partner there is, more often than not, a definite pattern to follow for happiness. If we start out within an emotionally stable family, it would appear that the best partner for us is the one that easily fits in with our family of origin. So what happens when we start on our merry way to find this possible partner? Why are there so many well-intentioned opportunities that lead us astray? Why is it with an infallible DNA blueprint to follow we lose our way so easily? Why is it that so many relationships end up stuck within the layers of disappointment and confusion when it all seemed so easy at the beginning?

When an American finds herself in Paris, the seductive tones of a fresh croissant are only second to the knowing tones of a Maurice Chevalier. Ma Cherie is an intoxicating elixir all so easy to wash down with a flute of champagne and a complete loss of normal function! A top of the morning to you from the pouty lips of an Irish lass while serving up a cup of coffee is something a bit more interesting than the usual American “have a nice day”. And when in Rome? Need I say more?

It is something amazing to note that when in Rome, or New York or Tunisia the voice that is the path less traveled has a power to pull us right off track! Are we concluding that all relationships are best suited by finding a mate who shares the same background and social engineering? Not on your Yenta. When one is entranced with something “a bit different”, be it an accent, a way of doing most things, or a complete 180 degrees away from everything you know, a valuable lesson is that you take… it…. slowly. Why? You’re hard-wired senses, allowing you to sniff out what is safe and what is not, are going to work a little harder than usual.

But what happens when you meet up with the proverbial boy or girl next door? Should that be piece of wedding cake? Does simply growing up in the traditional nuclear family with mom, dad and a sibling or two in a nice house with a white picket fence mean that finding someone else with the same nuclear upbringing and white picket fence brings instant compatibility? There is more to who we are than what can be seen on the surface, and unfortunately it is harder to go slowly when what we feel in another and their kin is familiar. Nuclear can just as easily mean an explosive atomic melt-down as a warm and cozy family atmosphere if you’re not careful.

They say that familiarity breeds contempt, but familiarity is more likely to lull us into a sense of comfort, when security is the last thing that is actually available. No one needs a PhD to be able look as they wish to appear. A pretty car, home or family is just that - and nothing more until one spends the time to see what is really there.

Darling Kaili, Boys and Girls, it takes experience to know how to read another person, let alone a relationship. It takes wisdom to separate reality from what we so desperately want to be and it takes strength to hold back until we are sure. Just because the family “feels” right, doesn’t mean they are or they are not. If the comfort level with the BF wasn’t there until the family showed up, means in some way you still are unsure - and that is all you need to pay attention to right now. When we trust our judgment, and not our illusions, we are likely to land steady on our feet, regardless of how far over our heels our head presently is.

Have a naughty day!