The Days of Whine and Roses

Dear Miss Kitty,
My GF’s and I saw Sex in the City (movie) the other night. We all disagreed with Carrie’s decision to forgive Big. So the little wedding turned into a big one - he should have dealt with it. We decided if a guy doesn’t show up at your wedding, except for a serious accident or death, the guy has no business in your life. We realize this is just a movie, but as a life rule, don’t you think it is dangerous to carry forgiveness that far?
The BGC- Santa Barbara
P.S. You do know you are SB’s own Carrie!



Dear BGC,
Like a coffin rising from an ancient burial ground, covered with the stagnant dust that accompanies exhuming thoughts of a wedding, gather the ghastly forms: The dreaded Bridezilla, Franken-bride and the always sad and pathetic, The Groom the Bride Forgot. These are not horror movies you rent for an uber-spooky evenings entertainment; these are actual happenings - which go on enough to make the little hairs on your arm rise up, like the back-fur on an arched Halloween cat.

When is a relationship not about a wedding? When a wedding is NOT about a relationship! Tangled together, these two concepts are the root cause for the self-induced wedding contempt that accompany the planning, executation and demise of too many green George Washington’s. The theme song for all this confusion? Wedding Day Blues. Not only is this a great title for the next big country western song, the wedding blues are a color that no one looks good in for long, and can be avoided with lots of stuff that dreams are actually made of.

There are more than a few things that this planet would be better off without – and easily in the top 100 are all the preconceived ideas and circus-like maneuvers that encompass the modern wedding. Now that is an oxymoron! In these times weddings bear more than a light similarity to weddings of by-gone days. However the nuptials of yesteryear had, within the fantasy, a grounding of understanding. Do we even know or care why we are compelled to carry on “traditions”. Is a tradition really one if you don’t even know why you are doing it? Thou thinkest not! Like so many aspects of modern life, there is a cavernous hunger to acquire - without thought and deeper meaning.

With beautiful potential to revel in the deepest of meanings and explore one of life’s great mysteries - love - a wedding is the perfect time to explore a couple’s desire for lasting love. Instead of planning the simple and personal approach that focuses on the meaning of the day, the “big engagement” often gives a crazed bride-to-be license to hurtle at light speed towards bridesmaid dresses from hell, the matching parade of flowers, favors and what ever else that can be sold for a buck to the “savvy” bride.

Stressed-out with the fear of not enough, she is armed and dangerous, tapping her French Manicured nails on the most recent copy of Modern Bride while reading how to keep him quiet while you plan your special day over the next 565 days. (Ball gags in baby blue are available if the promise of daily sex isn’t working). The compelling argument justifying any and all is that since this is the ONLY day you will ever be a bride, you had better get it right! That crushing pressure - originating form many opportunistic sources - is enough to turn the sweetest of brides-to-be into a lethal predator seeking nuptial perfection.

(By the way, that there nothing in its equivalent form for men. Considering same sex couple marriage (congratulations!!!!) in now legal in California, I can’t wait to see the newest magazines that will be sharing space at the newsstand). That being said, understanding and encompassing someone’s dreams is important and needs to be honored - but equally imperative is letting go of some dreams in the truest spirit of being one.

Therefore, Darling Boys, Girls and BGC, let me get off my soapbox to say, it was perfectly reasonable and appropriate for Carrie to forgive Big. In planning their wedding, she lost her clear vision of togetherness in favor of a vision that was all about her. That being said, it was also perfectly reasonable for her to be angry. Unless a groom is a card carrying mute, without the ability to write or use sign language, he is accountable for speaking up and putting his foot down on the heart shaped cake! Wake up and smell the overpriced pink- glitter- strewn floral arrangements!

The trappings of romance are sticky with dried champagne, and to walk through a passage to a truly new and fresh perspective together, takes time and effort. Marriage, between all couples, is an incredible part of humanity. Doesn’t it deserve the time to discuss the meaning behind the movements? Some soul searching to make those vows truly a commitment worth honoring? In taking the time to smell not the roses but the reality and true meaning of your romantic day, the foundation for a partnership of a lifetime can really get started.

Have a naughty day!