Promises, Promises

Dear Miss Kitty,
Before I married my boyfriend of 6 years, it seemed there were lots of plans and promises made. I never thought much about it, except for the fact that I thought they really would happen. Now, it seems that once he got me, everything has changed. I am not sure what happened, but now I feel I have to fight for things that seemed like they were a given. LOTS of my friends say the same thing. Do men just say what they think have to?
Michelle


Dear Michelle,
When couples are courting, life is full of yes’s and things like different tastes in interior decor don’t count for all that much. In fact, decisions that should be in writing and signed in blood are given no more than a quick, oh that doesn’t matter and do what ever your lovely heart desires. When in the delirious fog of love, apparently it is difficult if not impossible to see the cartoon balloon which has “For the time being” in bulging neon red hanging over his or her nodding head.

When the fog has cleared and life has speed up from romantic la la land, when we are really taking in what we have taken on, reality is going to temper some of those original dreams-sworn oaths-anything you want-baby with some no’s and changes of mind. It isn’t fair that the tooth fairy is a fake, it isn’t fair that bad things happen to nice people and it isn’t fair when someone says something and it doesn’t’ t happen. Like putting lemon on a paper cut, taking a pass on our prior commitments with no discussion as to why, just adds salt to the wound. That being said, reality says sometimes priorities as well as opinions do change, so is it possible to restructure a promise? Is it reasonable to reconsider our reasons? It depends…

Let’s pretend before you got married, you said you really wanted a puppy and now that the ring is on, the puppy is off. If there was a clear understanding with no wiggle room that a puppy was part and parcel of the future, get out the newspaper (not this one please!) and look for a mutt that needs a happy home. If you discussed pending puppy parenthood but never worked out the details, check out a toy store for a nice virtual version, because that is all you are entitled to at this point. If he vehemently nodded yes, when you asked at that particular moment when men are highly likely to give a girl a presidential nomination or anything else she wants, no puppies for you ever! (For the record, all women know just when this moment is and should be ashamed if they would ever use sex leverage for anything!)

Do people really deceive just to “getcha”? A few particularly evil human beings actually do such a thing, but thankfully they are few and far between. Most of us just don’t think through some of our pending promises beyond the cute puppy stage. We forget that even a cute little puppy is a whole lot of work and a lifetime commitment. Therefore Darling Boys, Girls and Michelle, it is much more likely that most PEOPLE change their minds and reevaluate their choices, as opposed to playing the deception game for such high stakes.

Have a naughty day!