Getting Over It

Dear Miss Kitty,
There is a guy that I just started seeing, but it's more because he feels it for me. I'm trying hard to slow him down and give me time to get there, if I can. I really wanted him as a roommate but he expressed attraction and according to him, his heart flutters every time he sees me. I don't know what to do with him, not to mention I don’t think I am completely over my last boyfriend.
Thanks for listening!!!


Leslie
When it comes to slowing down unwanted flutters, a shopping expedition through Tiffany’s, with ring sizing option is a force to be reckoned with. If that doesn’t work looking at china patterns, especially $300 a place setting is a sure fire way to stagnate the stallion. If it turns out he is all over a heart shaped 3 caret diamond, with platinum setting and loves the Wedgwood gold and white with extra serving pieces, you have a marriage crazed man on your hands (very rare) or a guest host for Project Runway. Either way it doesn’t mean you have to go along for the ride, if you don’t want to.

At the tender age when pajamas patterned with rockets and bunnies are considered stylish, we are taught that it is rude to not be interested in someone else. If she wants to play on the teeter totter, even if you get sick, you should play too. The image of a lone swing set rider, going backwards and forwards, never ending into the dusky light is usually a story of a lonely little person with no one to play with. Why couldn’t the image be a happy kid that enjoys swinging sole and is having such a good time that dinner can wait?

Starting out into land of two is better than one, regardless of whom that two is, can be a harsh wake-up call when confronted and questioned later on in life. It takes years to overcome the voices in our heads that feed us the relationship propaganda that we all know so well. It takes years to undo the unseen restrictions that we have become used to. These self -imposed sanctions not only limit our choices in the here and now, but walk us, two by two right into relationships that we are better of without. No doubt the solo squirrel that snuck right past the census counters on Noah’s Arc had a very hard time on the journey and not because the buffet was nut free.

The truth is, when we are “listening” with all of our senses we usually “see” everything we need to when deciding just whom we would like to spend our time with. When we pay very close attention to our instinctual feelings we can get a better read on what is working or not working for us. When we choose to spend time with someone, even in the early days of ‘just coffee”, it is crucial to not look at what looks good on paper or on our arm, but what is factual truth about our own feelings. It can be difficult to turn away attention, since attention can feel so good, and when getting over a past someone, attention is a healing balm for what ails us.

But equally clamoring for some thought, deeply buried with its head in the sand, is our own choice and when smothered by someone else’s desires, coupled with our early relationship training, it becomes a labor of love to hear its muffled voice.

Dear Boys, Girls and Leslie, when you “don’t know what to do with someone”, it is a clue that until you do know, you might want to take a pass, and spend time with your amazing self enjoying a solo swing at sunset.

Have a naughty day!