Miss Kitty’s “Guide to Keyboard Love,” Chapter 2

Dear Miss Kitty,
Thanks to your inspiring column last week. After 3 years of thinking about it, I decided to start on-line dating. After reading though hundreds of profiles, I wonder how many white lies are scattered between the nice walks on the beach and the obligatory tuxedo shot? Also if someone is searching for a sf 30-40, even though I am a very young (really) 42, they won’t find me. How do you work around the constraints?
Finally Seeking Satisfaction


Dear Seeking Satisfaction,
Remember back to the elementary school playground….can you recall that most haunting of refrains? “What you say is what you are!”. Let me be the first to tell you, after all these years, it’s true. We really are who we say we are - but is anybody really listening when we tell them? In the case of digesting profiles for potential dating consumption, how do you know that someone is who they say they are? Most everyone tells you exactly who they are right up front, whether they realize it or not. The trick is in believing your inner voice, before the voice is drowned out by your chemical reactions and wishful thinking.

Actions may speak volumes, but current choices are on display within a date or two - like the whole DVD collection instead of a single episode. (Nice to be able to re-play a scene over and over until you get it). Anyone that tells you a habit is on the way out or they are in a “transition” phase is, unless they are a molting bird, is really saying, this is who I am. Believe them. In other words, trying to quit smoking is still smoking, and where there is smoke there is fire.

Learning anything worthwhile and getting good at it, takes practice; and on-line dating is no exception. It takes a keen eye to read between the lines, or is it lies? Part of the white lie problem isn’t so much that would-be daters are psycho-lying-hounds-of-deception; the problem is working around the search parameters.

Since there are less professional writers than there are would be daters, sites make it easier by offering set choices while filling in personal profile information. For example, there are about five body types to choose from, none of which resemble most would-be daters. Boys and Girls, they are a guideline only, but choosing the closest to your real type is generally the idea. “Athletic” generally means more muscle on display than fat, and in the blue states, “curvy” generally is code for silicone, although not always…and that is just one of the questions!

Filters are set up to weed through and making searching easier, and there lies (pun intended) the temptation to work the system. A few less years, children or pounds are not uncommon to run across - all gentle attempts to widen the net as to appeal to more potential e-daters.

Is this lying? Miss K, hates, detests and spits up fur balls over lying - however, when trying to out-maneuver software, there isn’t always anywhere else to go. Good rule of thumb is if you are working the system to make the system work better for you, tell it like it is as soon as possible and explain why! Your newest partner just may be a partner in profile crime, confess the few extra years, and be the love of your life. In other words, there is only so much a profile can convey and what you read may not be all it seems, but not necessarily bad. Internet dating is only the first step in getting to know someone. It is a virtual dating playground, with its own rules, which you can learn. But eventually the playground must have some concrete to stand on with face-to-face conversation, so that you can have all your feelers out reading between, above and below the lines of communication.

Have a naughty day!