Speaking with Squirrels and Fishing for Happiness

Have you ever wondered why a squirrel is apparently ready to die for something that’s on the other side of the road? Could it be really good acorns, a tree with a better view or maybe another squirrel? There must be a reason there are so many casualties.

Cars have been on this planet for at least 100 years and the average squirrel lives 3-4 years. This means there have been as many as fifty generations of squirrels, most of who haven’t learned to stay out of traffic! Is survival of the fittest a myth, like dinosaurs being present at the last supper? Could it just be that squirrels don’t know any better? When looking for a life partner, or just a casual relationship, the squirrel rule applies: there must be a reason there are so many casualties in our search for love.

Looking for love in all the wrong places certainly has something to do with it.

If you are fishing for bass on a lake stocked with bass you will catch, you guessed it, bass. So why on Lake We- Only-Stock-Bass do you see so many anglers looking to hook a trout? Why are poles and reels, suitable for catching marlin, hanging out on the dock at Lake Cachuma? A real marlin, not the perch which looks like a marlin, and only surfaces after you have had way too many beers.

If you want someone with depth, you have to go to the deep, not the shallow end. You won’t get the Catch- Of -The -Day if you flounder around in the mud!

Speaking of mud, where we fish has as much to do with what we catch as putting out the right bait. If you really want to be with someone intelligent does it make sense to trawl the bottom of the dating pool? Odds are a bottom feeder is all that you are going to net and that means, once again, the weekend is over and all you have to show for it is a serious moon burn and a messy boat!

So Darling Boys and Girls, since a few of us are risking life and limb, scampering across roads, looking for bigger nuts and better views, it stands to reason that we CAN all learn. What if we had the Catch- And- Release rule in regards to dating? Cast, catch, determine maturity (not based on size!) and release immediately if not up to standard? Everyone would benefit greatly. We would invest much less time in trial and error, give the other fisher- people a chance at something that might work for them, and keep lots of cash flooding into the bait shops!

Most squirrels don’t stand a chance of changing their stars, since the ones that do make it across the road, the few successful risk takers, are busy making more squirrels, not directing traffic. It would appear that darting across pavement and dodging speeding automobiles is a good thing. (Just like it would appear that a crawl up or down State Street may hook you the love of your life).

Last time I communicated with a dead squirrel, via the Ouija board, I was told, (read in very high squeaky voice) “It was worth it and I wouldn’t have risked this fluffy tail for just a big nut!”

Have a naughty day!