Lazy Love and a Long Hot Summer

Dear Miss Kitty,
I have been with my boyfriend for 4 months. Recently it seems that all the things he told me we would do, and would happen, haven’t. I am not really happy with him and feel like he hasn’t been straight with me, maybe even not from the beginning. Why does someone say so much and not do it? Was it all just to “get me”? It would appear I had feelings for someone who didn’t even exist as he portrayed himself. I am just feeling weird about the whole thing, and not very good about myself.
Lost in space Lisa.


Dear Lost in Space,
As the heat of summer begins to rise, and the days lengthen, visions of a really good book, a frosty drink and a hammock, slowly rocking back and forth, come to mind. It is a time for easy and straight -forward thinking, without disguise, like a simple lace dress, with nothing underneath. The rising heat takes us back to the supposed, carefree days of summers gone by, and the innocence that accompanies the first flush of romance. The wonderment of first dates, and newness bottled, could out sell “Two buck Chuck” in a fluttering heart beat.

When we look back at the uncomplicated loves, they seem as sweet as juicy-red watermelon; but what happens when the love in the backseat of our memories are a complex mix of unsettling aspects of what we have discovered our lover really was? How confusing is it for the partner filling the dance card of today to comprehend why we made the choices we did? That we could have been in love, or a false version of love with someone less than wholesome, especially in light of where we find ourselves today.

The jaguar follows his target with amber eyes, clear and focused on his intent. There is no thought to anything but bringing down the prey. A big cat doesn’t need to apologize for his instinct as there is nothing but hardwired DNA running the show. In humans there are agendas and how easy it is to loose the self in someone else, and their need to control the whole world. A sense of self, or of selfish?

Like, love and lust are all easy to identify, the pattern, as much as we would like to believe are original to us, are not. They are well documented and even the body chemistry that accompanies infatuation can be analyzed. But when there are tricks up someone’s well dressed seersucker sleeve, disguised as one of the Big Three, the only test that something unhealthy, something perhaps even dangerous, is afoot, is the inability to be our own self with that someone.

When we loose our very identity, or even a piece of it, and fill it entirely with the thoughts and ways of another, it is a sure sign that our innocence is slipping away. Innocence meaning our openness to be our real self. Replaced by a version that walks and talks like us, but is run by fear and the threat of loss. Like a fast- melting ice cream cone, little bits slowly drip away until there is nothing left but a sticky mess, and usually, no napkin in sight.

Boys, Girls and Lisa, we are all lucky to be wearing our earth- suits, meaning we are here, but that isn’t enough. Losing site of just who we really are, in a landscape that is constantly changing, is hard work. Finding ourselves, a self that we like within our relationships, brings us back to feeling safe, and safe is a close cousin to love.

Have a naughty day!