Polishing Silver while Waiting in the Dark.

All too often we live our lives picnicking in the graveyard of past relationships. We visit the newly interred as well as those where the headstone is barely legible; worn by the weather of time. We revisit the heaven, the hell and sometimes even the earthly land in between. We scrutinize our experiences of trial and error, while feeling as dark as a basic black cocktail dress.

These experiences, for better or for worse, all have their place. We are real- life museums of all that we have lived. Each experience is in a glass case, under dim light, which we can view anytime. But, just like an exhibit in a real museum, our antics are frozen in time and there is a limit to what we can continue to learn. To look back, and appreciate the lessons, is the best we can do.

Experience has value as it is happening, and for a time after, but once we are in the arms of someone new, maybe we are better off letting ghosts lie undisturbed? Some lessons of the past we implement productively and make better and better choices because of them. But sometimes, the feelings that are generated with a new situation are old and musty habits, which we allow to cloud our new reality. We are much better served living in the now, without any of the ties that bind us to a person we no longer are.

Taste buds change, and cells renew daily, so maybe we are better off not using all of the past to guide us in the now. If we let the now rule then we can make the most conscious choices, whether we are looking for a life partner or working through the first hiccup that comes in a new relationship. When we have found a relationship of value, there will be a first moment when the relationship passes the Teflon stage and something will get sticky. This is the crucial moment to check in and see if there is strong steel under that Teflon coating; or rust, just waiting to corrode things on a rainy day.

Boys and Girls, the Teflon check is really about how the fallout is handled after the inevitable moment of truth. Perfection is a myth, but a perfect relationship is possible, because when we realize that we are looking not for a perfect person, but the perfect person for us, we can breathe easily, embrace someone with all their human frailties and still love them. No cutting around the edges to make them fit, no sanding off rough spots, no sugar coating needed.

When we polish up ourselves for the wrong person we don’t always realize the true cost involved in remaining so brilliant- endless maintenance with no end in sight, for they must always have that mirror-like finish so they can see their reflection at all times. They demand in so many ways that we maintain this illusion for them, for without our constant “improvement” they are lost, and so are we.

The right person loves us for the patina that we have naturally acquired through our experiences, and when we are with the right one, the shine is there, effortlessly. It is not maintained by our grueling efforts to be pleasing at all costs, to be the perfect partner to skate on the thin ice of being “Good enough”. The patina of love is a translucent effervescence, soul-dancing, heart-lifting and beautifully subtle. It is comparable to the soft glow on a lover's face when they can look out into the future and, without a doubt, know it is the safest place they could have ever imagined. Part of feeling safe is speaking your truth - whatever it is - and watching it reflected back in the actions of another.

Have a naughty day!