Desire, Demand and Slowing it Down

Next to hearing that a size 2 is really a 14 and the garment industry has been lying on a level that makes local newspaper editors seem like paragons of truth, nothing is more icy and disquieting than hearing the words that someone loves us, but is not in love with us, and is moving on.

When we find ourselves in a new relationship and the intensity of the feelings are not only deep, but very fast, we are given all sorts of warnings by well- meaning friends and family. Depending on our history, some may even lash us to a chair in the hopes that immobilizing us will cause some modicum of reflective thinking and slow us down.

Usually, Houdini-like thoughts are the only thing on the agenda, as one is trying to extricate oneself from the well intentioned, if not well tied bondage ropes! Even strapped down and blindfolded, the idyllic vision of being in love is as obvious (To us anyway) as a black licorice bikini on a polar bear. We know what we want and we intend to get it.

Once a socially acceptable period has elapsed, the self-appointed and well-meaning relationship police have been soothed by time and no longer come around with advice, chairs and ropes. With enough time, no one seems to remember their words of cautionary advice about going too fast.

Once a couple arrives at the imaginary time-marker milestone, the “next” chapter demands to be written. Who is holding the pen and mapping out the next phase? Is it love? Is it desire? If so, full speed ahead Boys and Girls, but if not, now is the time that the relationship SWAT team should double their reinforcements, break out the big box of bondage and tie you up until you make a decision based on feelings and not facts. Shocked are you? This time around, the facts - not feelings - are putting us in the love dog house.

Compost piles are naturally full of foliage, but no one gets an award for the most beautiful compost-garden. Tar is natural, but we hardly embrace the sticky stuff when it attaches to the soles of our feet. Why, then, do we stop the questioning when making a “natural” step into the future when we are basing the decision on what society considers acceptable time already spent? It may be a natural progression to live together, but just because we have sailed past six-month Harbor doesn’t mean it is right to go any further. When have landed at living together on 3-year Island, how do we know we really want to take the “next” step? Maybe there isn’t a next step to take.

From high up on my kitty soap box: Don’t choose to go ashore, without taking the time to check the fickle gypsy love meter, and making sure it hits the highest level of passion. The first stepping stone on the ugly and rocky path to the “I love you, but I am not in love with you” torture chamber, is not heeding the siren’s call of truth or maybe dare, from the rocky coast of everyday. To hear these frightening words are excruciatingly painful, and although it can feel like a death sentence, trust Miss Kitty, you will survive. You will survive to eventually thank that man or woman whom had the courage to save you both, because if it isn’t right for one, it isn’t right for either.

If finances, conventional logic, society’s “Normal” time frames, or the fact that all your friends are tying the knot (Like lambs to the slaughter in Spring time) are weighing in with any influence at all, don’t do it! Make sure feelings are holding steady at the helm, for only LOVE, pure love, is the reason to put your hand in another’s for all time.

Have a naughty day!