Now You Don't See It, Now You Do

Can you miss Venice if you have never been there? Long for coconut cake if you have never tasted it? Miss something that you never really had? Why is it that when the dust clears, after the tower has fallen down, we stand amidst the wreckage still hoping for the magic to be real? Even when the glamour was the David Copperfield kind - smoke, mirrors and trap doors to empty spaces.

As good as our filters can be, everyone can find themselves a starring role in “The Master of Manipulations". Not the fabulous show in Vegas with glitter and bright lights, but the one that has you sitting in the dark, crying into the program, searching for what, if anything, was real. Girls and boys, the web is slowly and smoothly spun, thick yet invisible and can hold you tighter than the love you thought you had. Wonder boy or girl has literally made you disappear for awhile.

Just like Alice falling down the rabbit hole; if our reality has been in question, through no fault of our own, we will find ourselves in uncomfortable territory. Landing with a hard bump on the not-so-soft floor of truth, nothing will make sense for a while. Up is down, down is a long way to fall, and when we fall in love with someone and find out the person isn’t real, we want to fall even further.

If something or someone can conjure up a feeling; even if the feeling is based on nothing substantial, it doesn’t mean that the feeling isn’t real. Just because there wasn’t a clear conscience under the top hat, it doesn’t mean that the pain is non-existent. It hurts, as only being sawed in half for someone else’s pleasure can. There is a particular and persistent ache which seems to accompany the realization that a romance was not what we thought it was. Like calling The Emperor’s New Clothes “The 2007 Spring Collection”, ruthless deceit brings up questions for which there are never enough answers.

Each magician has their own book of answers and there is always a trick which will astound even the wisest of us all. So, if you find the Tooth Fairy is a hoax, be gentle to yourself; if you discover that someone was only a god because you made them so, be twice as gentle. Other people’s actions have no reflection on us, and it is up to them to learn that tricks are for kids, and true love is never an illusion.
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Dear Miss Kitty,
I have a friend (really) who is dating a nice girl who he likes, but is losing interest because she, well, let's say she is the "Church Lady" when it comes to sex. She does not mind having sex with him but thinks there is only one way to do it: under the covers, missionary style with the lights out. She does not pick up on my friend's overtures to explore new things nor seem interested in spicing things up. He has had it and is ready to move on. I think it is a shame because they are otherwise really compatible. What do you think? Can a church lady be taught new things or is he wasting his time? He is a good, very successful guy who wants to be with a nice girl who isn't afraid to try new things.
-Good Deed Doer

Dear Good Deed,
You are obviously conversant with doing the good deed and recognize the real importance of true intimacy! A man with a mission instead of just the position! "Your friend" (of course we believe you) is lucky to have you! Even under rocks and in remote caves, information about sexual pleasure is available, so she must have a very good reason why she feels the way she does. Except for my car being washed, conversation is the best foreplay available, and the only way "your friend" is going to get anywhere. Conversations with care are in order, as many as it takes. If they can work through this, they will have quite a bond. If not (he was respectful of the lady's wishes), he can move on, and call me!

Have a naughty day!