Frosty the Romance

Mistletoe hangs above a doorway, and as you pucker up for a stolen kiss… wait…. cut! You mean a parasite that kills trees is a sign to kiss? Something is really wrong here.

How many other signals tell us what is real, and more importantly, what is not, in the frosty world of Holiday Romance? The pressure to have a romantic interest, or an extremely happy partner, is piled upon us like the fruitcake that no one eats. Yes, boys and girls, the holiday season can be a particularly brutal time of year. Like the turkey, goose or roast sacrificed for the Holiday Table, no one is spared.

What could the Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future teach us if they could take us on a guided tour of our perceived seasonal realities? Whom should we petition for a new collection of Holiday Messages? Hold the chains, Jacob Marley; this is going to be a long night.

Like Rudolph with his red nose, this can be a time when we feel particularly alone. It’s as if we are one of the creatures on the “Island of Misfit Toys”. A Barbie that doesn’t wear make up. A “Jack in the Box”, with a slow spring. Or maybe a Teddy Bear with limited stuffing.

Does December mark the official graduation from a year of dating? Since when is a trophy required in living color at the holiday office party? Do you have to show up at the Christmas Eve gathering with a smiling spouse, stuffed and mounted? Along with the egg nog that takes a starring role in the dairy case come November, all sorts of sickly sweet and heavy expectations rear up to clog our hearts.

Make those Sugar Plums stop dancing, and notice all the fabulous traditions that hold court, instead of holding hands. One Christmas tree. One Stocking per person (only the fishnets need be a pair!), even Santa makes the rounds alone. The “Wise Men” hang out as a cool threesome and have the bling thing down on Christmas Eve, because (yes), this IS when men shop! All the best people get through the season with style, no matter what.

A romantic interest can be nice, like getting free batteries with a toy soilder, but there is nothing wrong with enjoying the season with friends and family. So, if you do find yourself without a significant other, hug your fabulous self under the parasite - I mean, mistletoe. There is plenty of cheer to share, and the best thing to share is sharing itself. As far as the office parties go, skip “The Date”, enjoy your friends, and bring something slightly naughty for the gift exchange. A very interesting way to liven up the festivities…

Have a naughty day!